Battle Hymn for an Army of Lovers (Crys Matthews)

Happy New Year!  

Forgive me, friends... for my lost concentration; it has been three months since my last blog post (channeling my inner rebellious Catholic schoolgirl).  No excuses, but valid reasons.  

At the one-year mark of Eric's passing, the tree dedication… part of me thought it would be tied up neatly with a bow, as we had cycled through all the Firsts (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Eric’s birthday, etc.).  Silly Me.  The holidays rolled around… again… and I realized the Seconds were just as hard.  I learned that, if decorating evokes pain, a holiday wreath and doormat will do (they did).  Maybe even a holiday mug.  Or not.  If traditions are triggering, I can make new ones.  Or not.  There is a fine line between remembering and suffering… and there is no timeline on healing.  Trying to (continue to) be gentle with myself.

I still have days when the thought of him makes my heart literally ache… when I can’t manage to get a deep breath… when I refuse to leave the comfort of my home.  I worry that I am developing a severe case of Agoraphobia, yet a few things motivate me:  Garden Day, dinner with a dear friend, a library run (ha!)... and others have me seriously weighing the options of many events which, in the past, would have me jumping at the opportunity.  sigh...

One tradition I hope to always follow through on (my first being January 2008):

Inspired by Beth Weaver-Kreider's poem below, as well as the powerful song by Crys Matthews, my Word(s) of the Year are (Love) Revolution, on a political level as well as in my personal interactions... 💥✌💜

We have less than a week until Inauguration Day (Monday January 20, 2025), and I am taking advantage of the calm before the storm, not naive enough to think there aren't many proposed changes on the horizon, most of them for the worst.  It is horrifying the nation chose Trump as our next/new leader (and when are we going to fix that broken Electoral College process?!?).

I am not one to finger-point nor name-call nor disparage, I very much subscribe to Lincoln's 1860 philosophy of “have faith that right makes might.", and I am fully prepared to do whatever it takes to fight back from a place of peaceful protest/non-violent demonstrations.  My days of standing on street corners and marching through the public streets are not over.  I even gave my daughter Sarah her own pussy hat for Christmas.  Love Revolution.  Both/And.  Just. Do. It... 💘

From Crys:

This was created from six very specific muses -- my mom, Michelle Obama, Nelson Mandela, Rita Mae Brown, Julia Ward Howe, and Eva Cassidy (via Curtis Mayfield.)

After the outcome of the 2016 election, I was floored. I am an out, black, lesbian woman living in the south (although, thankfully not in the 'deep' south). I was terrified, which made me angry. My mom reminded me that she has seen many presidents come and go in her lifetime and is still standing. Love and faith guide her and that, she reminded me, should guide me. 

"An army of lovers shall not fail" is a Rita Mae Brown quote that has come to mean a great deal to me. It's really just an amazingly beautiful sentiment that doesn't really need much context beyond that. 

"When they go low, we go high" as famously spoken by Michelle Obama has become my mantra going in to 2017 and will be something I will try every day to embody during the next four years. 

Nelson Mandela very eloquently said, “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” 

The song People Get Ready was written by Curtis Mayfield. Released in 1965, the song's meaning was amplified by the climate in America during the civil rights movement. Eva Cassidy's cover of it has always resonated with me. 

And last, but not least, which leads me to the title of the song... Julia Ward Howe is the woman who wrote the Battle Hymn of the Republic (aka Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory). Later she was a suffragette. She wrote, "let us live to make men free". 

I thought, if these few principles could guide our government and our citizens we might all make it to 2020 in one piece (and maybe even in peace). And so, I give you my Battle Hymn for an Army of Lovers... 

v1. Change is coming once again,

except this time it feels like the world's about to end.

White-robed devil's in plain sight,

angry protests in the streets night after night,

and it weighs heavy on my mind.

Why are we so quick to run backwards after all this time?

But I won't let it change my heart.

I was born full of love and hope and, when I die, that's how I'll depart.

Ch. And when you find yourself 

incapable of seeing eye to eye

Remember: when they go low, 

we go high.

v2. Change is coming — that's for sure.

We gave a madman all the keys and let him walk right in the door. 

And I don't think he'll see the light,

until the whole world is on fire, but that's alright.

We will still be here when he's gone,

and if it doesn't kill us all, well it sure will make us strong.

Don't let four years change your heart!

We are not born hating each other -- now is not the time to start.

Ch. And when you find yourself 

incapable of seeing eye to eye

Remember: when they go low, 

we go high.

Bridge: There's a song penned for soldiers --

it says, "let us live to make men free."

We're all sisters.

We're all brothers.

Standing on each others' shoulders

there's no wall we cannot scale.

We are an army of lovers,

and we shall not fail.

Ch. So when you find yourself 

incapable of seeing eye to eye

Remember: when they go low, 

we go high.

SONG:  Battle Hymn for an Army of Lovers by Crys Matthews

BOOK:  See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love by Valarie Kaur

POEM(S):  Walking Through the Gateway of Another Year by Beth Weaver-Kreider

Let’s call them New Year’s Revolutions

or Re-Solutions

or Revelations

or Re-evaluations.

Change. Progress.

Uncovering. Assessing.

In the coming year, I resolve to re-solve

my problems and issues every day,

not just on this morning.

For every morning is the morning

of a whole new year,

a bright blank page

in which any thing

can be a new thing.

Let every moment be a moment like now,

when the newborn sun shines

over the ridge

onto the scarlet breast

of a cardinal,

and the eye

for a moment sees nothing

but sparkling red.

The Alternative New Year List by Dr. Lynne Sedgmore

Here Now

As you begin another year 

Pause

Remember 

Who it is your heart beats wildly for, and why

How lightness and joy fill every fibre of your being

How to laugh with no restraint 

How to serve those less fortunate

How to care for Mother Earth 

Here Now

As you begin another year 

Act

Tell everyone you love how beautiful they are 

Dance with bare feet and feel the wind upon your face

Find a friend and giggle together until it hurts

Give a random act of kindness to someone in struggle or loss

Find another way to combat climate change

Here Now

As you begin another year 

Self-care

See your own beauty and celebrate yourself 

Speak your gratitude for all the blessings you receive

Laugh out loud into a genuine belly laugh

Treat your body to a massage, tend to your own needs

Walk barefoot on the land feeling nature’s nourishment 

Here Now

As you begin another year 

Be 

Stop and stare, be still and listen every day

Enact an enlivening body prayer with gratitude and grace

Begin laugh yoga

Pray and light a candle for anyone in need

Live more in tune with nature’s beauty and Her beating heart

QUOTE(S):  "Most optimists are not born that way. They are created. When the world asked them to harden, they softened. When they experienced pain, they vowed not to give that pain to others. When they understood the lineage of trauma, they healed instead of continuing the pattern. Optimists are not people who have never had a hard day or a hard season or a collection of hard years. Optimists are those that have walked through the fire and decided that love, hope, resiliency, and compassion are lighter to carry. For most people, their optimism is hard-won. Fought for. An act of brave resistance in a harsh, demanding, chaotic world." ~ Jamie Varon

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” ~ Desmond Tutu

"Love is the most powerful force in the world. If people tell you that the opposite of love is fear, it is not so. Love just is. Love has no opposite. Remember that, dear one. Love has no opposite. Love just is. It is the answer to everything. Everything." ~ Dolores Cannon

"Truth and love have been smacked down, so many more times in history before today. Truth, because it’s often inconvenient, and love because it is vulnerable.

But truth is like gravity, and carbon, and the sun behind an eclipse: it’s still there. And love stays alive if you tend it like a flame. If you feel crushed by unkindness today, it’s a time for grieving, reaching out to loved ones, noticing one bright color somewhere in the day. Remembering what there is to love. Starting with the immediate, the place and people we can tend ourselves, and make safe. We can’t save everything all at once, but it’s still worth saving something. Because there are so many of us to do it.

And we are all still here today, exactly as we were yesterday. Like gravity, and carbon, and the sun behind an eclipse." ~ Barbara Kingsolver

Saving Grace (The Head and the Heart)

Since 2008, it has been my custom each January 1 (a so-far-15-year tradition) to ascribe to Christine Kane's concept of choosing a Word of the Year to inspire/motivate/give me direction as to the tone/theme of my upcoming 52 weeks/365 days.  In retrospect, some of my previous words/phrases have been Release, Create, Let It Go, Health, Light, Follow-Through, Contentment, Forward, Stretch.

With my recent affinity for gardening leading me to Herbalism (which I am fond of calling Kitchen Witchery), my mind has been both blown and soothed at the same time, if that makes a bit of sense... and I landed on the word SAGE, with its many definitions:

~ Wise:  as of my 68th birthday this past August, I am officially a Crone, you know... 😉

~ Smudging/clearing:  releasing the old/making way for the new

~ Medicinal:  I am not only using this particular herb to infuse my water these days (perfect with a few slices of lemon), but one of my first discoveries a year and a half ago in the garden (endless thanks to Claire!) was butterfly pea flower tea (Clitoria ternatea; yes, that’s its real name!); current clinical studies confirm its ability to calm/de-stress, enhance cognitive functions, and alleviate symptoms of numerous ailments including fever, inflammation, pain, and diabetes, not to mention the magical powers of adding lemon to change its vibrant cobalt-blue color to a gorgeous purple... 🌟

I am now the person who saves glass jars to gather and store, not just shiny trinkets as my Crow Brain was previously fond of, but lemon balm and cranberry hibiscus and holy basil (for tea), calendula, African Blue Basil, the aforementioned butterfly pea flowers, and comfrey (for the Bath Tea I have been making).  [You would be right in envisioning my dining room table perpetually covered in brown paper bags with an assortment of drying leaves!]  I'm even drying seeds of a yellow (Thai) eggplant (from Kathy) and papaya seeds of the dwarf fruit from our Hope Garden to share with volunteers.  

Re: the greenery on my third-floor condo catwalk and balcony, I am getting away from growing ornamentals (other than the sentimental gifts of Reba's peace lily, Linda's plumeria, Brian's desert rose, Judi's mom's iris) and concentrating on plants that are edible and/or useful.

These days I feel like Hamnet's wife (in the best possible way... 🌱🌺🌿)

Manifesto for an Enchanted Life by Sharon Blackie

1. Everything around you is alive: believe it. Tell stories to stones, sing to trees, start conversations with birds. Build relationships. You’ll never be lonely again.

2. To be fully in your body is to be fully alive. Get out of your head and into the world.

3. Look for the wonder wherever you go. Be all your life, as American poet Mary Oliver suggested, 'a bride married to amazement'.

4. Embrace mystery – don’t be afraid of what you don’t know.

5. Cultivate your mythic imagination: the inner and outer landscape of myth.

6. Know your place. Learn to belong, because wherever you go, there you are. There is nowhere else real to be.

7. Cleave to the local and the ethical. Cultivate community spirit, and autonomy.

8. Slow down.

9. Create. Buy handmade. Live folklorically.

10. Don’t have a career: have a life. Find your calling – but, above all, find your meaning in the community of the world.

11. Foster meaningful ritual; make each day a ceremony, or make a ceremony in each day.

12. Cherish otherness, in all its forms; confront in yourself, and explore, the forms of otherness which make you uncomfortable or afraid.

13. Treasure change: it’s the stuff from which lives are forged. Stop looking for the eternal and immutable, and enter the daily dance with the transitory.

SONG:  Saving Grace by The Head and the Heart

BOOK:  The Wild & Weedy Apothecary: An A to Z Book of Herbal Concoctions, Recipes & Remedies, Practical Know-How & Food for the Soul by Doreen Shababy (a Christmas present from my dear friend M)

POEM(S):  Holding the Light by Stuart Kestenbaum

for Kait Rhoads

Gather up whatever is 

glittering in the gutter,

whatever has tumbled 

in the waves or fallen 

in flames out of the sky,

for it’s not only our

hearts that are broken, 

but the heart

of the world as well.

Stitch it back together. 

Make a place where

the day speaks to the night

and the earth speaks to the sky.

Whether we created God

or God created us

it all comes down to this:

In our imperfect world

we are meant to repair

and stitch together 

what beauty there is, stitch it 

with compassion and wire. 

See how everything 

we have made gathers 

the light inside itself

and overflows? A blessing.

Gathering by Nina Bagley  

We are gatherers,

the ones who pick up sticks and stones

and old wasp's nests fallen by the

door of the barn,

walnuts with holes that look like

eyes of owls,

bits of shells not whole but lovely

in their brokeness,

we are the ones who bring home

empty eggs of birds

and place them on a small glass shelf

to keep for what? How long?

It matters not. What matters

Is the gathering,

the pockets filled with remnants

of a day evaporated, the traces of

certain memory, a lingering smell,

a smile that came with the shell.

QUOTE(S):  “Herbalism is based on relationship – relationship between plant and human, plant and planet, human and planet. Using herbs in the healing process means taking part in an ecological cycle.  This offers us the opportunity consciously to be present in the living, vital world of which we are part; to invite wholeness and our world into our lives through awareness of the remedies being used..." ~ Wendell Berry

"A fool thinks how to spend time; a sage how to use it." ~ Leo Tolstoy

"Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you're there.  It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching, he said. The lawn-cutter might just as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime." ~ Ray Bradbury

“Plants are a way of life. Using herbs isn’t just about medicine or healing. It’s about breath. Life. About faith, and how to live on this Earth in a more balanced and wholesome way, together. Plants thrive in community. They give out far more than they take in. They are sustainable in every way.” ~ Rosemary Gladstar

Upside Down (Jack Johnson)

"Why is it that when something bad happens, it feels terrible? I have been so conditioned to strive for success that when something goes wrong I feel terrible and I feel like a failure. But usually in time, after I get over myself, that failure turns into a valuable lesson. Of course to get to this point it normally takes time and perspective to see it as the lesson it is instead of the failure that it feels like. I truly believe that if I could remember this at the time I could get to the lesson sooner instead of dwelling on the failure and spend more of my time in joy. At these times this lesson serves me well, there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. My failure is only a failure if I fail to see the feedback, to take the lesson and apply it so that it is only a step on the way to eventual success, even if that success looks very different than what my original vision might have been. Funny how limited my vision can be without the valuable feedback I need to see my success a different way."  Thanks to Sheryl Cattell (a UU-church friend as well as music buddy), Personal Legend Coaching, LLC

I've had this prepared, with every intention (see what I did there!) of uploading it January 1, 2021... but, due to circumstances discussed in a previous post, I had a bit of a delay... 😲

In her December 28, 2007 blog, Resolution Revolution: A Better Way to Start Your Year, Christine Kane writes (click the link for the full article):  Several years ago, my friend Kathy and I decided that, instead of making resolutions, we would pick a word that would guide us throughout the year. It would be our touchstone. It would remind us of living our lives at the BE level.

I have been choosing a Word of the Year since January 2008, to challenge/motivate/inspire me. In retrospect, some of my previous words/phrases have been Release, Create, Let It Go, Health, Light, Follow-Through, Contentment (wish I could remember them all, which I posted on Facebook when my blog was on hiatus, and now they are lost in cyberspace).  Oh well... [insert shrugging woman emoji here]

We all know 2020 was a sh*t show… and I confess it’s been a test of time management, focus/concentration and interpersonal relationships.  I want to put those twelve months behind me… as a cautionary tale, a growth opportunity, and a rearview mirror experience (while still recognizing the desire to do things differently should the same opportunity present itself again).  2021:  Time to move FORWARD, in all its many definitions:

~ in the direction that one is facing or traveling; toward the front.

~ into a position of prominence or notice.

~ toward the future; ahead in time.

~ moving or tending onward to a successful conclusion.

~ developing or acting earlier than expected or required; advanced or precocious.

~ (of a person) bold or familiar in manner, especially in a presumptuous way.

~ help to advance (something); promote.

I have appreciated the patience and understanding of loved ones in my life as I navigate(d) my way through some rough patches and, since I always want to view everything as a life lesson, I feel I have learned much, despite these crazy pandemic times... and still have much *to* learn.  Forward indeed... 💖

Happy New Year! (albeit a week or so late... 😍 )

SONG:  Upside Down by Jack Johnson [During my renewed walking routine since mid-October, this song kept popping up on my Pandora.  I always scoffed at Jack Johnson's tunes, thinking them fluffy and superficial (I mean, seriously... Banana Pancakes?!?).  Somehow this one got through, it makes me smile every time I hear it... and, although it already speaks to me, I want my life in general to be (more) like this.  Impossible, of course, but a [wo]man's reach should exceed her grasp, right?... 💗 ]

BOOK:  LifeForward: Charting the Journey Ahead by Pamela D. McLean

POEM:  Two Bodies by Octavio Paz

Two bodies face to face

Are at times two waves 

And the night is an ocean.

Two bodies face to face

Are sometimes two stones

And the night a desert.

Two bodies face to face 

Are at times two roots

Intertwined in the night.

Two bodies face to face

Are sometimes two stilettos

And night lightening sparks.

Two bodies face to face

Are two stars who are falling

In a naked sky.

QUOTE:  "Because we're doing the best we can, we really are. We're trying to be grown-up and love each other and understand how the hell you're supposed to insert USB leads. We're looking for something to cling on to, something to fight for, something to look forward to. We're doing all we can to teach our children how to swim. We have all of this in common, yet most of us remain strangers, we never know what we do to each other, how your life is affected by mine.

Perhaps we hurried past each other in a crowd today, and neither of us noticed, and the fibers of your coat brushed against mine for single moment and then we were gone. I don't know who you are.

But when you get home this evening, when this day is over and the night takes us, allow yourself a deep breath. Because we made it through this day as well.

There'll be another one along tomorrow." ~ Fredrik Backman, from his novel Anxious People

We'll All Meet Up Next Year (A New Year's Song) - (Deirdre Flint)

Today's TUT... A Note from the Universe:

Susan, soon the new year starts, so now's a great time to:

1. Wipe the slate clean.
2. Focus upon what you really want.
3. Chart your course.

Right?

Well... only if you want to risk having to repeat these steps for the same wishes next year! Maybe this is splitting hairs, but here's an adventurous alternative:

1. Give thanks that life is... just as it is (and that it's been... just as it's been). Because of it, you're now "READY."

2. Define what you want in terms of the end result. Don't worry about the hows, or even the course. KNOW that what you want is ALREADY yours in spirit, by divine LAW, just focus on the certainty of this ownership, understand it, claim it, and "it will be on earth, as it is in heaven (spirit)."

3. LET THE UNIVERSE show you the way via your impulses and instincts that appear as you take inspired action. Don't worry that your first steps seem silly or futile. And if you don't know what to do, do anything! Go! Get busy! Do not insist on intermediary successes, only upon the end result.

2011 is going to be your year (it already is),
The Universe

It starts now, Susan! This is your year! Happy beginning of something GREAT!!!

You really are READY Susan. And your self-confidence in my intuition and wisdom is ready for you.

Don't f*cking faint! - after taking 5 months off (for erratic behavior), I have now written and uploaded three posts in as many consecutive days. No promises... but the future bodes bright - pass the shades... :-)

So... as has become my custom each January 1, I subscribe to Christine Kane's Word of the Year concept - the last month I've experienced strong and intentional vibes and was gifted with a *Phrase* of the Year - Let. It. Go. (which is similar to my Release of a few years back, but somehow different). I will not explain but I know why I chose it and how I'll apply it - I will say that it relates to #2 of The Four Agreements (on my right sidebar)... and let it go (see... already putting it into practice) at that!

We hosted a lovely and fun Open House today with friends, family and neighbors - I am exhausted yet full... mimosas segueing to coffee interspersed with healthy spinach dip, raw veggies and a few bites of cookie...

SONG: We'll All Meet Up Next Year (A New Year's Song) by Deirdre Flint

Time to Let Go by Cary Cooper (Cary just wrote this song a few days ago and posted it on her Facebook page - given the synchronicity, I had to include... :-)

BOOK: Writing Down Your Soul: How to Activate and Listen to the Extraordinary Voice Within by Janet Conner

POEM: begin here by Maya Stein

When the last seat is taken,
or the key has trapped in the lock,
when the rain has eviscerated your garden,
or your words have run out one by one.
When the packing is half-finished, or traffic
keeps you from your purpose,
when the bright white of your day
has paled and pixilated.
When the grocery bag rips coming up the stairs,
when the telephone bill shocks
and then flounders you,
when love has flown off course,
when your nails are ragged and wanton,
when the runway is slick and the sky sodden.
When the ache for something nameless
fans out into your bones,
when you are hungry, or lost or in need of a hand
across your eyelashes.
When it’s deadline or dilemma
or just you tripping on the stained carpet of your trouble,
begin here.

Place one leaden, obstinate foot
where you can see it.
Gather your maniacal breath,
your little windbags of lungs.
Eye only the square of sidewalk a blink away,
that quadrant of concrete mottled with the dirty
evidence of living,
and go.

When the manual for what’s broken
has been misplaced, when the view is obscured
by a restless construction site,
when your closet is an echo of castoffs.
When the bridge toll climbs and the road
down the mountain is pummeled with snow,
when your face bears little resemblance
to the person you remember,
when the field is populated with abler bodies,
when poems have been written by nimbler souls,
when no amount of squinting
delivers oasis, begin here.

Guide your defeated arms
into a small fit of swinging.
Coerce your hips into the barest
shimmy. Locate the pocket of a single,
deserted minute, its hum of insignificance,
and go.

When cheer cannot cheer you,
when crumbs cannot feed you,
when the storage space in the garage
topples from the weight.
When beauty eludes you,
when the weatherman confirms your fear,
when the doctor bears his wild news.
When you return to the bad habit,
when the current continues its brutal tackle,
when mess is your middle name,
begin here.

Climb onto your weary haunches. Lift your belly
from its mattress cave. Initiate the wholly
unremarkable act of breathing, and go.

When you have had enough.
When you have had too much.
When your fortress has not kept away the enemy,
and the walls are an abscess of rubble.
Do not fling yourself from the gangplank.
Do not hasten your disappearance
with your own cruelty.
Do not mask your ferocity with a collage of good manners.

The death’s door of your failure
is still a door.
Wrap your shaking fist around the handle.
Hear the cricket click of the latch.
And begin.

QUOTE: “There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” ~ Louis L’Amour

Black Crow (Joni Mitchell)

As has been my tradition, I have chosen and unveiled a Word of the Year each January 1 - some years have been more effective than others but, rather than emphasizing broad goals and resolutions, it helps me keep some sense of priority as to what I'd like to work on in my life for the next 365 days!

After much pondering, I've decided on Follow-Through as my word for 2010 - I am the first to admit that I have the best of intentions in anything I do... and come off the starting block fast and furious... only to fizzle out before the finish line. It's a combination of low energy, limited time and boundless To-Do's... but there is really no excuse for my lack of completion - I have vowed that, over the next 12 months, rather than having a million things hanging over my head, I will do my very best to deal with issues as they come to me, in a no-nonsense, "one touch", make-it-happen way...

It gets frustrating, always allowing myself to be distracted (look, something shiny!) - focus, Susan, focus... :-)

P.S. I received a phone call earlier this evening from a dear friend who, for various reasons, I have been out of contact with for the last 2+ years - it was a surprise and a joy to have an extended conversation, picking up where we left off ("in search of love and music" indeed, Joni!). He told me that a new year is meant to bring about action in some form or another - I am immensely grateful the thought extended in my direction...

SONG: Black Crow by Joni Mitchell

BOOK(S): The Follow-Through Factor: Getting from Doubt to Done by Gene C. Hayden

Find Your Focus Zone: An Effective New Plan to Defeat Distraction and Overload by Lucy Jo Palladino

POEM: The Year by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

What can be said in New Year rhymes,
That's not been said a thousand times?

The new years come, the old years go,
We know we dream, we dream we know.

We rise up laughing with the light,
We lie down weeping with the night.

We hug the world until it stings,
We curse it then and sigh for wings.

We live, we love, we woo, we wed,
We wreathe our brides, we sheet our dead.

We laugh, we weep, we hope, we fear,
And that's the burden of the year.

QUOTE: "Every new year people make resolutions to change aspects of themselves they believe are negative. A majority of people revert back to how they were before and feel like failures. This year I challenge you to a new resolution. I challenge you to just be yourself." ~ Aisha Elderwyn

Button Up Your Overcoat (DeSylva, Brown, Henderson)

Last night my husband and I did indeed go out to dinner (Kamado's, a local Chinese/Japanese restaurant... delicious) and a movie (Seven Pounds... thought-provoking) and were home by 11:45 p.m., whereupon we opened a bottle of ruby spumante and had time enough for a toast, a few sips and multiple kisses before midnight struck - we then went out on the patio (with re-filled glasses and the bottle) and proceeded to stretch out on lounge chairs and watch/listen to the (next door and across-the-street) neighborhood display of fireworks... some of them dinky (roman candles and sparklers) and some quite impressive (think Apocalypse Now!).

We had called my mom and R's stepmom earlier in the evening... and then phoned all three of our children a bit after the ball dropped - one answered and wished us a Happy New Year in return... and for the other two we left voicemails. We then retired for the evening, taking advantage of the fact everyone else was out of the house - sweeeet... :-)

We'll get the family together over here about 5 this afternoon for drinks (I have another bottle of champagne in the fridge) and appetizers (as yet to be determined) - ringing in the New Year doesn't have to take place at the stroke of midnight to be meaningful...

So... after much pondering and soul-searching and contemplation (oh my!), I've determined that my Word of the Year for 2009 is... drumroll, please... Health, in all its many definitions: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual - in this whirlwind of a life I have (which remains lovely and satisfying, despite the madness and sorrow), I've not been doing such a good job of taking care of myself (major understatement)...

In 2009, I vow to do the following to restore and maintain my Health:

Physical: take my multi-vitamins every d*mn day; walk/exercise 5 days a week (including as-soon-as-I-get-out-of-bed morning stretches); plan and stick to a sensible eating program (a Life Style Change... not a Diet!); be in the bed as close to midnight as I can possibly manage; make and follow through with all the medical (doctor and dentist) appointments I've managed to back-burner for the last mumblemumble years...

Emotional: nurture important relationships, let non-functioning ones go; say what I mean, mean what I say, and do what I say I'm going to do; trust my intuition; choose joy...

Mental: more reading for pleasure, less computer time; remember the value of setting boundaries ("just say no"); honor the value of deadlines (my own and anyone else who is depending on me); seek out and embrace challenges...

Spiritual: I actually feel pretty on-track here, fulfilled with services/community at my local UU church (where I'm the Sunday Services Committee chair, as well as the promoter/producer of our monthly folk/acoustic concert series) - however, I would also like to make space each day for meditating/quiet time (something I always mean to do, but never seem to make happen); my new mantra (gleaned from a 2009 Live with Intention calendar I bought for myself a few months ago)... "Expect this to be a day of healing, awareness, harmony and gentle order." ~ Naomi C. Rose...

I am only 54 and should have a few more decades ahead of me (barring unforeseen circumstances), if I can be pro-active about my health, rather than allowing it to come last in every list of priorities I've ever made - this will take faith and desire... but it will also require discipline and focus...

I'm a Leo, for god's sake - Just Do It, Susan!

SONG: Button Up Your Overcoat by DeSylva, Brown, Henderson

BOOK: This is YOUR New Year's Resolution!: A 12 Month Health Mastery Program by D Tim Labelle

POEM: New Year's Morning by Helen Hunt Jackson

Only a night from old to new!
Only a night, and so much wrought!
The Old Year's heart all weary grew,
But said: The New Year rest has brought."
The Old Year's hopes its heart laid down,
As in a grave; but trusting, said:
"The blossoms of the New Year's crown
Bloom from the ashes of the dead."

The Old Year's heart was full of greed;
With selfishness it longed and ached,
And cried: "I have not half I need.
My thirst is bitter and unslaked.
But to the New Year's generous hand
All gifts in plenty shall return;
True love it shall understand;
By all my failures it shall learn.
I have been reckless; it shall be
Quiet and calm and pure of life.
I was a slave; it shall go free,
And find sweet pace where I leave strife."

Only a night from old to new!
Never a night such changes brought.
The Old Year had its work to do;
No New Year miracles are wrought.

Always a night from old to new!
Night and the healing balm of sleep!
Each morn is New Year's morn come true,
Morn of a festival to keep.
All nights are sacred nights to make
Confession and resolve and prayer;
All days are sacred days to wake
New gladness in the sunny air.
Only a night from old to new;
Only a sleep from night to morn.
The new is but the old come true;
Each sunrise sees a new year born.

QUOTE: "Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past." ~ Henry Ward Beecher

"When the heart is at ease, the body is healthy." ~ Chinese Proverb

Welcome in Another Year (Zoe Mulford)

Happy New Year!

In her December 28, 2007 blog, Resolution Revolution: A Better Way to Start Your Year, Christine Kane writes:

The reason most resolutions don’t work is that they address only one level of your life. The DO level. It’s the DO-HAVE-BE model. “I will DO this thing.” (i.e., Lose weight) “So I can HAVE this other thing” (Self-Esteem) and I can BE this thing. (Confident.)

The average New Year’s Resolution doesn’t address the core of the issue - the “BE” level.

The best order for creating positive changes in your life is the BE-DO-HAVE model. This means you start from the BE level. When you begin changing on the BE level of your life, then the DO level and the HAVE level follow more easily.

When you start only on the DO level, then all the blocks on the BE level will often become the obstacles you can’t overcome.

Several years ago, my friend Kathy and I decided that, instead of making resolutions, we would pick a word that would guide us throughout the year. It would be our touchstone. It would remind us of living our lives at the BE level.

The word I've chosen is Release - it was actually Christine's primary example and it almost felt like cheating to pick it... but every time I'd attempt to consider something else, Release kept coming back into the forefront of my brain and wouldn't allow the possibility of any other concept.

For decades I've used the phrase "relate, relax, release", accompanied by motions (hands on hips, hands on shoulders, hands flung into the air over my head) which, I am embarrassed to say, I borrowed from an episode of A Different World, the sitcom with Lisa Bonet which spun off from The Cosby Show - upon just now Googling the term, I find I've had it in the wrong order all these years (oh f*cking well... :-)

So... Release feels perfect, for its many meanings, incarnations and subtleties - for the next 366 days (it's a leap year!), I intend to:

RELEASE untruthful relationships

RELEASE undue stress caused by overcommitment

RELEASE unrealistic expectations, of others *and* myself

RELEASE unwanted clutter

RELEASE unhealthy habits

RELEASE unproductive pettiness

And I am sure there are so many more aspects of this multi-faceted word that can be both a noun and a verb I've yet to discover - in a nutshell, if I don't love it (whatever "it" fits the situation), I've vowed to let it go...

Relate, relax, RELEASE - I feel better already... :-)

SONG: Welcome in Another Year by Zoe Mulford (lyrics unavailable but Zoe's website here)

BOOK: 365 Days to Let Go: Daily Insights to Change Your Life by Guy Finley

POEM: New Year's Resolution by Philip Appleman

Well, I did it again, bringing in

that infant Purity across the land,

welcoming Innocence with gin

in New York, waiting up

to help Chicago,

Denver, L.A., Fairbanks, Hon-

olulu--and now

the high school bands are alienating Dallas,

and girls in gold and tangerine

have lost all touch with Pasadena,

and young men with muscles and missing teeth

are dreaming of personal fouls,

and it's all beginning again, just like

those other Januaries in

instant reply.

But I've had enough

of turning to look back, the old

post-morteming of defeat:

people I loved but didn't touch,

friends I haven't seen for years,

strangers who smiled but didn't speak--failures,

failures. No,

I refuse to leave it at that, because

somewhere, off camera,

January is coming like Venus

up from the murk of December, re-

virginized, as innocent

of loss as any dawn. Resolved: this year

I'm going to break my losing streak,

I'm going to stay alert, reach out,

speak when not spoken to,

read the minds of people in the streets.

I'm going to practice every day,

stay in training, and be moderate

in all things.

All things but love.

QUOTE(S): "The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective." ~ G.K. Chesterton

"We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential." ~ Ellen Goodman