Goodnight Sun (Nahko and Medicine For the People)

After Eric died, while discussing details of how to move forward, on a very practical level, we immediately thought cremation... and it was reassuring to hear Duyen confirm, in conversations with him, that was his wish.

Somewhere along the way, I got the idea (scathingly brilliant or crazy as f*ck?) that we'd obviously keep some of his ashes for us and give some to Duyen, but that I also wanted to share his ashes with family and special friends, not in a "party favors" way, but as a special memento, a way of honoring him.

So, on the morning of E's service, Chico and I set up an assembly line on our dining room table, me depositing a scoopful in a snack-sized baggie, Chico sealing each baggie, then me folding the baggie and putting it into a small tulle pouch (which I had originally bought for the bath teas I make, but ended up being too small).  The pouches were of various colors (yellow, dark blue, light green, yellow, turquoise, dark green), with a drawstring... placing them into a small totebag.

It was also cool that, while we were enacting this loving gesture, we were listening to very special music, which was originally a mixtape I made for myself (two+ decades ago) and gave a copy to my friend Michele, which she only recently crafted into a Spotify playlist and shared with me.  You will notice an ongoing symbolism and theme of sunshine throughout Eric's Celebration of Life, from the photo on the cover of the program to various other elements (plus he was a Leo, you know!).

The service ended a bit after 5 p.m. and we all spent an additional two hours eating and sharing memories of Eric.  About 6:30 I remembered the pouches and began to walk around, distributing them to those people who remained, asking them to take Eric on an adventure by sprinkling his ashes in an interesting or memorable place (if you knew Eric and didn't receive a pouch, please reach out and I'll make sure to get one to you; Michele and Judi, your pouch is in the mail!).

After we finished clearing the room, about 30 of us segued to Flashback Diner for dinner (as we'd only had light appetizers available in the room).  I passed out a few more pouches and started kidding/not kidding that we should create a website, or some format in which family and friends would be able to share their adventure with Eric (and I riffed on the Carmen Sandiego show, but using #whereintheworldisericdriskellmoss instead.  Clever, right?  And as soon as Rob and his friend Leslie got home, they came up with an Instagram page... 😍

I had deactivated my Instagram account years ago, but I made a new one yesterday *only* so I could view E's upcoming travels (I have no desire for another social media site, so I won't be interacting).  Let the Wild Rumpus Begin... 🥳

SONG:  Goodnight Sun by Nahko and Medicine For the People

BOOK:  Rising from the Ashes: The Poetry of Healing by Jasmine Williams

POEM:  comforts by Maya Stein

This tall glass of ice water. This quadrant of untamed grass. This half

of a grapefruit, pixelated with sugar. This final plank of an empty dock. This red-hued living room.

This carved rhinoceros from a place where the real thing runs wild. This echo of a laugh,

a touch, a conversation that turned the world upside down. This piece of lined paper. This single bloom

from a late summer garden, tucked inside a thin vase. This teeming silence. This warmth. This brief break

between disruptions. This sprawl of newspaper on the porch. This blank canvas. This tube of paint.

This back road squirreling a mountain range. This maple donut filled with custard. This soup you'll make

when your father comes to visit. This five-dollar bill found after two loads of vacation wash. This faint

smell of mint coming back from a run. This atlas on the driver's seat. This curtain parting from the stage.

This tree angling its leaves toward autumn. This story birthed from ashes. This unstoppable turning of the page.

QUOTE(S):  "As I wept in the arms of darkness, I heard the voice of my grandmother say, "nothing stays the same, darling, not even pain."  Life is a path of change.  Of ecstasy and ache.  So, no matter what the storm claims, let love light the way." ~ Tanya Markul

“In one of those stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night.” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The Wood Song (The Indigo Girls)

Continuing along the ocean/journey (outward and inward) theme, I recently rediscovered the following essay by Clarissa Pinkola Estes - enjoy!

Letter to a Young Activist During Troubled Times

Mis estimados: Do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world right now... Ours is a time of almost daily astonishment and often righteous rage over the latest degradations of what matters most to civilized, visionary people.

You are right in your assessments. The lustre and hubris some have aspired to while endorsing acts so heinous against children, elders, everyday people, the poor, the unguarded, the helpless, is breathtaking. Yet, I urge you, ask you, gentle you, to please not spend your spirit dry by bewailing these difficult times. Especially do not lose hope. Most particularly because, the fact is we were made for these times. Yes. For years, we have been learning, practicing, been in training for and just waiting to meet on this exact plain of engagement...

I grew up on the Great Lakes and recognize a seaworthy vessel when I see one. Regarding awakened souls, there have never been more able crafts in the waters than there are right now across the world. And they are fully provisioned and able to signal one another as never before in the history of humankind... Look out over the prow; there are millions of boats of righteous souls on the waters with you. Even though your veneers may shiver from every wave in this stormy roil, I assure you that the long timbers composing your prow and rudder come from a greater forest. That long-grained lumber is known to withstand storms, to hold together, to hold its own, and to advance, regardless.

We have been in training for a dark time such as this, since the day we assented to come to Earth. For many decades, worldwide, souls just like us have been felled and left for dead in so many ways over and over brought down by naivete, by lack of love, by being ambushed and assaulted by various cultural and personal shocks in the extreme. We have a history of being gutted, and yet remember this especially - we have also, of necessity, perfected the knack of resurrection. Over and over again we have been the living proof that that which has been exiled, lost, or foundered can be restored to life again.

In any dark time, there is a tendency to veer toward fainting over how much is wrong or unmended in the world. Do not focus on that. There is a tendency too to fall into being weakened by perseverating on what is outside your reach, by what cannot yet be. Do not focus there. That is spending the wind without raising the sails. We are needed, that is all we can know. And though we meet resistance, we more so will meet great souls who will hail us, love us and guide us, and we will know them when they appear. Didn't you say you were a believer? Didn't you say you pledged to listen to a voice greater? Didn't you ask for grace? Don't you remember that to be in grace means to submit to the voice greater?...

Understand the paradox: If you study the physics of a waterspout, you will see that the outer vortex whirls far more quickly than the inner one. To calm the storm means to quiet the outer layer, to cause it to swirl much less, to more evenly match the velocity of the inner core - 'til whatever has been lifted into such a vicious funnel falls back to Earth, lays down, is peaceable again. One of the most important steps you can take to help calm the storm is to not allow yourself to be taken in a flurry of overwrought emotion or desperation thereby accidentally contributing to the swale and the swirl.

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good. What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take "everyone on Earth" to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.

One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these - to be fierce and to show mercy toward others, both, are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.

There will always be times when you feel discouraged. I too have felt despair many times in my life, but I do not keep a chair for it; I will not entertain it. It is not allowed to eat from my plate. The reason is this: In my uttermost bones I know something, as do you. It is that there can be no despair when you remember why you came to Earth, who you serve, and who sent you here. The good words we say and the good deeds we do are not ours: They are the words and deeds of the One who brought us here. In that spirit, I hope you will write this on your wall: When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But that is not what great ships are built for.

This comes with much love and prayer that you remember who you came from, and why you came to this beautiful, needful Earth, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D

SONG(S): The Wood Song by The Indigo Girls

Ships by Tom Kimmel and Michael Lille (I could not find lyrics to the entire song, but here's the most popular snippet, which Clarissa refers to in her next-to-last line).

BOOK: After the Storm: True Stories of Disaster and Recovery at Sea by John Rousmaniere

POEM: I Am Much Too Alone in This World, Yet Not Alone by Rainer Maria Rilke

I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone
enough
to truly consecrate the hour.
I am much too small in this world, yet not small
enough
to be to you just object and thing,
dark and smart.
I want my free will and want it accompanying
the path which leads to action;
and want during times that beg questions,
where something is up,
to be among those in the know,
or else be alone.
I want to mirror your image to its fullest perfection,
never be blind or too old
to uphold your weighty wavering reflection.
I want to unfold.
Nowhere I wish to stay crooked, bent;
for there I would be dishonest, untrue.
I want my conscience to be
true before you;
want to describe myself like a picture I observed
for a long time, one close up,
like a new word I learned and embraced,
like the everday jug,
like my mother's face,
like a ship that carried me along
through the deadliest storm.

QUOTE: "If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Across the Universe (The Beatles)

"Scientists have confirmed what we all knew: You do indeed have a little voice in your head that warns you when you're about to do something dumb. It's called the anterior cingulate cortex, according to white-coated authorities at Carnegie-Mellon University. If you're receptive to it, it's as good as having a guardian angel. "Don't do it," the voice whispers when you're on the verge of locking your keys in your car or leaving the bar with the cute drunk you just met. "Go back," it murmurs as you start to walk away from a huge, though initially inconvenient, opportunity. "

SONG: Across the Universe by The Beatles

BOOK: The Little Prince: Sixtieth-Anniversary Gift Edition (Hardcover) by Antoine de Saint-Exupery (Author), Richard Howard (Translator)

POEM: Concerning the Atoms of the Soul by John Glenday

Someone explained once how the pieces of what we are

fall downwards at the same rate

as the Universe.

The atoms of us, falling towards the centre

of whatever everything is. And we don't see it.

We only sense their slight drag in the lifting hand.

That's what weight is, that communal process of falling.

Furthermore, these atoms carry hooks, like burrs,

hooks catching like hooks, like clinging to like,

that's what keeps us from becoming something else,

and why in early love, we sometimes

feel the tug of the heart snagging on another's heart.

Only the atoms of the soul are perfect spheres

with no means of holding on to the world

or perhaps no need for holding on,

and so they fall through our lives catching

against nothing, like perfect rain,

and in the end, he wrote, mix in that common well of light

at the centre of whatever the suspected

centre is, or might have been.

QUOTE: "If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth." ~ Mitsugi Saotome