The Future (Simon Lynge)

I have plans tonight with Sarah.  Backstory:

I posted a few months ago that I had started watching the TV show Brothers & Sisters, which I hadn't seen on its initial run (2006-2011).  It was five seasons (!), and starred Sally Field (I had just finished reading her memoir, which was the motivating factor), and Calista Flockhart (who I adored in Ally McBeal).  Rob Lowe (who I didn't find out about until later) was the proverbial icing.  I also love that thirtysomething people are involved (Ken Olin and Patricia Wettig!), and that the atmospheric music is sooooo Six Feet Under (plus the soundtrack introduced me to so many wonderful songs, this title song just one example... :-)

Scary that The Walkers are so much like our family (or our family is much like theirs).  I see myself in Nora (kind, generous and socially-conscious, with more than a touch of power and control issues), my Sarah is mostly their Sarah with a bit of Kitty thrown in (business-savvy, divorced mother), Rob is Kevin (the gay lawyer, who does a kick*ss velociraptor imitation) and Eric is Justin (baby of the family, battled addiction issues but cleaned up well).  They drink a lot (pot, meet kettle!), and they cannot keep a secret at all (one tells another, and it eventually makes its way back around to whoever shared their deep darks, only to find it's all out in the open).  Ack!

When I began watching, I had a series of epiphanies with each episode, which made me love my children even more.  Halfway through the first season, though, it turned into a soap-opera-ish Perils of Pauline, with each episode ending on the proverbial cliffhanger (SPOILER ALERTS:  oh no, the dad was having an affair for decades, and they incorporate her into the family!; oh no, the family business is going into bankruptcy!; oh no, the dad had a child with another woman (not the mistress, but someone else!); oh no, one of the daughters has cancer!; oh no, the gay couple's surrogate had a miscarriage!... or did she?!?  Oh god, it's been a sh*tshow, but based on love and concern, of course.

I got Sarah hooked but, when it appeared to have "jumped the shark" early in the series, I swore that I was going to just quit watching... but Sarah convinced me to keep at it, and I agreed.  Five seasons seemed daunting, but I ate it like an elephant, one bite at a time.  We've each kept up with it in our separate homes, a few episodes apart, sometimes she's ahead, sometimes I am.

Season 5 (the last one, thankyoujesus) has 22 episodes, and it was Sarah's idea for us each to stop at the end of 20, and we would watch the last two together (*really* together, at her house).  And that's what's happening tonight.  I will spring for sushi and, in the spirit of the over-indulgent Walkers, there *will* be wine!  I can't wait to finally pull the plug, but I must admit I'm going to miss them... 💔

P.S.  This picture is hilarious, and takes me right back to our early days (May 1991!) of joyful chaos (ahem, why was Eric wearing an Indian headdress to Tom's - who Chico is holding - baptism, at which he and I were the godparents of Dan and Kai's little guy, adopted from Peru?!?), Rob yawning, Sarah grimacing.  And just look at us now (above).  Aren't we lucky and blessed?... 💖

NR:  The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix (I chose this for Wednesday's book club Zoom meeting!)

SONG:  The Future by Simon Lynge

BOOK:  How to Write Compelling Stories from Family History by Annette Gendler

POEM:  Slowly but Surely by Mario Benedetti

The future's coming slowly

slowly

but surely

right now it's hidden beyond

the surly clouds

and some still invisible

nimble heights

beyond the thunder's roar

and the spider's web

it's taking its time

like a determined flower

keeping track of the sun

perhaps that's why

daily life

prepares to greet it

settling exorbitant debts

opening new chapters in memory

but the future's

in no hurry

it's coming

slowly

finally bringing relief

bread for the hungry

battered angles

faithful swallows

slow

but not half-hearted

neither smug

nor a spoilsport

it's simply

coming

with its sharpened blade

and weighing scales

inquiring first

about our dreams

then our homelands

our latent memories

and our newborns

slowly

the future's coming

with its mondays and marches

its clenched fists and dark-ringed eyes and projects

slowly but swiftly

like a dim

still unnamed star

convalescent and slow

sheepish

proud

so very modest

that well-versed future we're shaping

we

and chance

but more and more we

less and less chance.

QUOTE:  “The best way to predict your future is to create it.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

I Lived (OneRepublic)

Today got off to a great start, with a family meet-up at the park in our old neighborhood, The MossFam5 plus Colin plus Holly (Rob's dog).  Gorgeous spring day, with temps lower than usual, and we ended up hanging for two hours, some of us sitting (me) while others (Sarah) ran after a toddler, who segued from beach ball to sticks to bubbles to running through the grass at breakneck speed just because he can to watching Dar's It's Alright video to regaling us with his ever-expanding vocabulary of seahorse, zebra, Ants Marching, mine (his seagull imitation from Finding Nemo), Hakuna Matata to stroller dancing.  He fell asleep in his carseat on the way home, and I'm pretty d*mn tired as well.  Plus, I just cannot get enough of his chubby feet (from six feet away).  These visits sustain me, and I cry every time I see a commercial on TV showing grandparents loving a little one through a window screen or across the yard.  When I am finally allowed to hug him, post-virus, it will be a while before I let go!  [The photo below is from last week; we forgot to take one today... 😲 ]

Also, buy stock in Yoga with Adriene, as I have been rocking the h*ll out of her videos on YouTube.  Walking is off my agenda for a while, until I can get my back issues under control, and I've had fun exploring Yoga for Sciatica, Yoga for Seniors, and Yoga for Beginners:  Back to Basics and, to quote Joni, you know there may be more.  I need gentle, restorative work-outs until I can return to sessions that challenge me.  She is patient, funny, and knows her sh*t, and I am in good hands on so many levels...  :-)

It's Feel Good Friday.  Zippity!  Five items below of beauty, interest, and humor to brighten your day/weekend/week:


~ Celeste Ng, Ann Patchett, Min Jin Lee and Others on the Books That Bring Them Comfort:  Authors are just like the rest of us — they like to soothe their anxieties by losing themselves in  the pages of a beloved book. Here are some of the ones they turn to when times get tough.


~ Beatles-a-Day - The Covid Lockdown Sessions with Mo & Amelia:  Sing and play along - this began as  a thing to keep us and our friends happy during Covid-19 quarantine and lockdown - and it turns out, it's been helping distract folks and keep them singing and harmonizing!  So, we continued... (thanks to Judi for the heads-up!)


~ Himalayan Mountaintops Visible for the First Time in 30 Years as Air Pollution Continues to Plummet in India:  For the last 30 years, the tops of the Himalayan mountains have been obscured by air pollution and smog. Now as the city streets are emptied of traffic and gas-guzzling vehicles, the mountaintops were clearly visible to the millions of local communities in quarantine.


~ Dressing up to take out the trash becomes lockdown trend, with formal wear, costumes:  Getting dressed up to take out the trash has become a sport for people cooped up by coronavirus lockdowns, and they don’t care if you think it’s crazy.


~ Let’s Bury the Hatchet!  Some people are using time in isolation to resolve deeply held grudges.


SONG:  I Lived by OneRepublic

BOOK:  Silence: In the Age of Noise by Erling Kagge, Becky L. Crook (Translator)

POEM:  May Day by Tess Taylor

They go, the early flags, the gory maples—
so too the daffodils & Lenten roses.
Other petals swirl & nights warm.

Buds thicken and cast shadows:
in a thunderstorm
I almost forget the ice that was.

Narcissi suckle watery paths;
meadows heap up emerald masses.
How green & I want to delight

except this undertow—it pulls so fast
passing before I recognize it—
like souls in Dante who can’t see the present,

white lilacs curdle in pre-summer heat.
The parade I barely noticed was beginning
is already halfway down the street.

QUOTE:  “Do something nice for yourself today. Find some quiet, sit in stillness, breathe. Put your problems on pause. You deserve a break.” ~ Ariroq Brost

Peace At Last (Hem)

This is a picture of me that my daughter took from the back seat of the van as we were on our way to South Carolina on the first leg of our journey - I only intended for her to capture the Santa-in-a-hammock ornament/totem that my friend Melanie gave us to take on the trip (similar to "a Buddha on the dashboard", according to her)... but I do really like the extra detail of my face in the rearview mirror... :-)

This is the third Christmas since I started my blog... and I went back to my 2008 and 2007 posts for inspiration - perspective is everything, as I read about mom's decline in health over the last few years. We knew this was going to be a hard holiday, our first without her - what we didn't know was how much, in her absence, she'd be with us in spirit...

The 12+ hour drive each way has become routine - we know about how long it will take, about where we will stop... for gas, meals, etc... and which CDs we'll be listening to on our journey (yes, holiday music prevails on the way up). I had put A Christmas Waltz by Frank Sinatra on this year's mix... and it evoked tears but also smiles each time it played - Mimi was everywhere!

Stepping stones along our path:

~ the visit with my husband's family (his sister, her husband and their two daughters) was the best it's ever been... warm, inviting and friendly - sadly, his brother and nephew couldn't make it (snowed in New Jersey and doing a tour of duty in Iraq, respectively)... but we enjoyed our time together... and look forward to a new arrival (nephew's expected little one) in June...

~ we were able to spend quality time with my husband's stepmother, taking her out to lunch at one of our favorite haunts in Batesburg, South Carolina - I had forgotten much I loved lima beans! Afterwards, we went to my husband's father's gravesite - hard to believe Bob has been gone two years...

~ arriving in Georgia to spend time with my side of the family is always a highlight, but we knew it would be bittersweet - we ended up staying at my sister's the entire time, and her hospitality is unrivaled. We had plenty of room to stretch out (she's in a new home after she and Bill divorced last spring), allowing us alone time but also bonding experiences - there was plenty of delicious food every time we turned around, meals and "nibblies" (as Mari calls them)... and I made it my goal to orchestrate kitchen clean-up, loading and unloading the dishwasher when necessary so as to save Mari that job...

~ we all went over to my brother's house for lunch one day, as we had shamefully never been there, since each year we only spend 3 days in the Atlanta area before driving home - this year, without mom in the equation, it proved do-able (another closed door/open window opportunity)...

~ my husband took the kids to a movie the day after we arrived so my sister and I could get her final shopping done - we ordered Chinese food (a tradition) and then went to her friends' party on Christmas Eve. My friends Steve and Betty came over Christmas afternoon to visit before they had to be at another friend's home - the revolving door was comfortable and never hectic...

~ I joked about this year being an Instant Gratification Christmas, as there were more than a few occasions when we gave each other our gifts ahead of time (a gorgeous purple paisley scarf from my son Eric... and Trivial Pursuit Team from my sister) - there were still plenty of surprises Christmas Day: Season 1 of Pushing Daisies from my son Rob; my favorite Origins perfume from my daughter Sarah and her boyfriend; the movie Julie & Julia, another gift from Mari; a large purple swirled mug and a box of green Chai tea from my 13-year-old niece Julia; "a sister is a forever friend" silver bracelet from my brother Brad (he gave Mari one just like it). I gave everyone calendars chosen especially for them, along with either a book, CD or DVD - we all completely pegged each others' tastes without going overboard. Yes, mimosas were served - yes, we stayed in our pajamas all day!

~ Saturday morning found us packed up and driving to Flowery Branch (mom's town), where we went by her gravesite and then visited with some of the Ya Ya's (mom's neighborhood women) - sadly... Ann, one of her best friends (who I got very close to this summer, driving back and forth to exercise class) was killed in a head-on car collision a week before Christmas, and I felt so sorry for these amazing women who had lost two dear friends in less than six months...

~ I came down with a horrendous head cold Christmas morning so my last few days were a struggle, especially on the ride home - I finally have my appetite, sense of smell and sense of humor back... so all is well... :-)

Everything we did invoked thoughts of mom, and there were a few meltdowns along the way - we also had many memory-inducing moments, and we knew we were surrounded by her love, faith and pride. She raised us well and we'll continue to carry on her legacy, as well as create one for our own children - Merry Christmas, Mom (we miss you more than words can say)...

SONG: Peace At Last by Hem

BOOK: Watch For The Light: Readings For Advent And Christmas by Philip Yancey

POEM: Going to Bed by George Bilgere

I check the locks on the front door
and the side door,
make sure the windows are closed
and the heat dialed down.
I switch off the computer,
turn off the living room lights.

I let in the cats.

Reverently, I unplug the Christmas tree,
leaving Christ and the little animals
in the dark.

The last thing I do
is step out to the back yard
for a quick look at the Milky Way.

The stars are halogen-blue.
The constellations, whose names
I have long since forgotten,
look down anonymously,
and the whole galaxy
is cartwheeling in silence through the night.

Everything seems to be ok.

QUOTE: “Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” ~ Joseph Addison

Just Like That (Rachel Bissex)

The article below is based on an obituary posted on WFDU-FM Ron Olesko’s blog site and used in the FolkWax e-zine with Ron's kind permission - my personal commentary follows...

Vic Heyman passed away on Tuesday (January 6), leaving the Folk community to mourn the loss of one of the most supportive individuals to have graced this international "family." To the thousands who knew Vic and his wife, they were only ever referred to as ‘Vic and Reba’ – one and indivisible.

Committed folkies, they were SO much more than enthusiastic supporters. For a number of years they ran a very successful concert series in the Washington D.C. area, but their love of the music AND the people who make music took them to all corners of the globe. Vic and Reba attended every Folk Alliance conference as well as many regional events. Vic was a former board member of the Kerrville Folk Festival and they attended numerous festivals across the country each summer. Vic and Reba also wrote reviews for Sing Out! magazine.

While the foregoing could be described as their tangible public contribution, behind the scene, Vic and Reba became "parents" to numerous musicians in the Folk community. In nurturing these "children" they helped those artists gather the courage to go out on a stage and realize a dream. The through occurs that their encouragement, maybe, helped those artists write better songs. It has to be said that, in the Folk community, their support and endearing friendship was legendary.

Vic has been in poor health during the past year. Vic and Reba didn’t make Kerrville 2008, Vic was hospitalised at the time, but they attended Falcon Ridge a few weeks later and were at NERFA in November.

At this sad time, the Folk community sends its sincere condolences to Reba and "all’ her children.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is hard to remember a time when I didn't know Vic and Reba Heyman - I first met them in February 1999 at the Albuquerque Folk Alliance. I was curious about this larger-than-life, dressed-alike husband-and-wife duo who everyone acknowledged and credited... and who even had special seats, front and center, in each major showcase room. I can't recall who introduced us, but we had a chance to chat multiple times over the course of the conference as, having similar taste in folk/acoustic performers, we found ourselves crossing paths quite frequently - at one point, I was in a Standing Room Only situation when Reba caught my eye and patted the empty seat next to her, motioning for me to join her (as I found out later, Vic was napping... :-)

We met again at the Kerrville Folk Festival in May of the same year... and again in July at the Falcon Ridge Folk Festival - that was my only Kerrville experience, but for a while, I knew I could count on their delightful company twice a year (at FA and FRFF). Vic and Reba then began attending our South Florida Folk Festival, with which I was very involved... their visits at first for a week at a time, and then extending for two, three and now four-month intervals - what began as an acquaintance quickly blossomed into full-fledged friendship, as we met up for dinner (restaurants or my/others' homes), chatted on the phone and carpooled down to the (now-defunct) Main Street Cafe in Homestead (will never forget the time Vic brought his new GPS, which had us laughing the entire trip, because I could have driven that route blindfolded!).

Vic and Reba returned to Florida a few days before our John McCutcheon Labyrinth Cafe concert on December 13 and, upon spotting me, he said protectively, "don't hug me - I have a cold"... to which I replied, "too bad - I haven't seen you in six months and I'm hugging you anyway" - so glad I followed my intuition...

Vic had Parkinson's for 14 years, with his mobility becoming more limited in the time I knew them, segueing from cane to walker - he fell a few times the weekend before Christmas, was admitted to the hospital, all seemed fine... and then he took a turn for the worse. At that point, their four children visited over the course of the next week, sitting vigil by his hospice bedside - as I posted on Star Maker Machine last week, I stopped in for a visit, "brought them tangerines, stayed a few hours chatting and had an opportunity to say my goodbyes, staying strong while there and weeping all the way home"...

Vic had a wicked sense of humor, an abiding-yet-innocent love for the ladies (he did give the best hugs)... and an unlimited spirit of generosity, especially concerning folk music. Reba will remain in Florida as scheduled, and we will do whatever we can to support and keep her company during this most difficult time - I've spoken to her on the phone quite a few times, and she knows I'm available, whatever her needs.

As Phyllis Barney, past-present of the Folk Alliance just posted to their list-serve:

"Please join me in thinking of our most wonderful folk angel Vic Heyman. He passed peacefully away tonight (Jan. 6), leaving behind his beloved wife and best friend Reba, their four children, and scores and hundreds of all the rest of us - touched by his light, his generosity, his love of life, and love of folk music. Tributes will come, and they certainly should. He was a tireless supporter of folk music, folk musicians, and Folk Alliance. But tonight, I just want to remember my dear friend."

I second the emotion - R.I.P. dear Vic (now seated in a comfy chair in that Great Song Circle in the Sky... :-)

SONG: Just Like That by Rachel Bissex (Rachel wrote this song about Vic and Reba... and Dar Williams covered it on Remembering Rachel, a tribute put together after Rachel's death, which Vic produced/assembled/publicized)...

BOOK: Death: The Final Stage of Growth by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

POEM: For Freedom by John O'Donohue

As a bird soars high
In the free holding of the wind,
Clear of the certainty of ground,
Opening the imagination of wings
Into the grace of emptiness
To fulfill new voyagings,
May your life awaken
To the call of its freedom.

As the ocean absolves itself
Of the expectation of land,
Approaching only
In the form of waves
That fill and pleat and fall
With such gradual elegance
As to make of the limit
A sonorous threshold
Whose music echoes back among
The give and strain of memory,
Thus may your heart know the patience
That can draw infinity from limitation.

As the embrace of the earth
Welcomes all we call death,
Taking deep into itself
The right solitude of a seed,
Allowing it time
To shed the grip of former form
And give way to a deeper generosity
That will one day send it forth,
A tree into springtime,
May all that holds you
Fall from its hungry ledge
Into the fecund surge of your heart.

QUOTE(S): "I shall not die of a cold. I shall die of having lived." ~ Willa Cather

"Hope is grief's best music." ~ Author Unknown

"We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one whom we love." ~ Madame de Stael

Box of Visions (Tom Russell)

At Star Maker Machine this week, the theme is babies and childbirth (ah, the Circle of Life after last week's In Memoriam topic), which has me thinking of my own amazing family - the photo above (click on it to see larger and sharper) was taken the week before we left on our trip, blown up to 5 x 7 size (cropped and with red-eye removed) and framed as gifts for those we were visiting...

I adore my spouse and kids and attempt never to take them for granted - after experiencing a week in the car together, not to mention cramped accommodations (motel rooms as well as lodging at various relatives homes), we lived to tell about it. Sure, there were flare-ups... but there was closeness too - I believe we all gained a renewed appreciation and respect for each other. It's been good to get home, stretch out and retain the sense of wonder that permeated the holidays - my three babies have turned into young adults right before my eyes... and I am so proud...

~ Daughter S, 27, has a great job at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel, planning events and taking on major responsibility with grace, style and enthusiasm - she's an asset to anything she's involved in...

~ Son R, 24, has taken on more cooking duties in the household - he definitely has a flair for creativity as well as good taste, and we're always delightfully surprised by each new concoction...

~ Son E, 20, whose 6' 2" frame encloses a heart of gold - prime example: I asked him to go to the grocery store for me the other evening (I wanted grapefruit)... and it took him longer than it should. He finally walked through the front door, telling about an older man who had tripped on the curb and fallen - as people walked all around, ignoring the situation, E stopped to help, gather his groceries and walk him to his car. I told him later I thought my late-night craving was a manifestation from the Universe - E was meant to be there at that time and place to care for the elderly gentleman...

~ Husband R, 56, who loves me when I'm completely unlovable, is the primary breadwinner of the family and rarely has an unkind word to say about anyone - this past September we celebrated 32 years together, and I can't imagine going through life with anyone else...

~ Dog Rocky, almost 14, whose hearing and sight are almost gone... but who reverts to puppy status as soon as he sees me don my New Balances, confident that I will walk him as soon as I have taken my own 3-mile trek around the neighborhood - it's a good cooldown for me, as his insistence on peeing on every tree gives me the opportunity to take long, rehydrating sips from my water bottle...

P.S. My SMM contributions so far are here and here...

P.P.S. Just got word that Vic Heyman passed, after being in hospice the last two weeks - my heart goes out to his beloved wife Reba, their four children and the extensive folk family they've nurtured and supported for so many years...

SONG: Box of Visions by Tom Russell

BOOK: The Family Virtues Guide: Simple Ways to Bring Out the Best in Our Children and Ourselves by Linda Kavelin Popov, Dan Popov, John Kavelin

POEM: Praise What Comes by Jeanne Lohmann

surprising as unplanned kisses, all you haven't deserved

of days and solitude, your body's immoderate good health

that lets you work in many kinds of weather. Praise

talk with just about anyone. And quiet intervals, books

that are your food and your hunger; nightfall and walks

before sleep. Praising these for practice, perhaps

you will come at last to praise grief and the wrongs

you never intended. At the end there may be no answers

and only a few very simple questions: did I love,

finish my task in the world? Learn at least one

of the many names of God? At the intersections,

the boundaries where one life began and another

ended, the jumping-off places between fear and

possibility, at the ragged edges of pain,

did I catch the smallest glimpse of the holy?

QUOTE: “Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” ~ Jane Howard

Why Can't It Be Christmastime All Year (Rosie Thomas)

Hi, Honeys - I'm home!

Just back late last night from transporting a family of five via minivan through three states/four households and a motel/1600+ miles in 8 days - equal amounts calm and chaos, delight and depression, exhilaration and exhaustion... and we slept peacefully in our own beds last night, albeit already missing the company of long-distance family...

So much ground to cover (pun intended) - here's a sampling of magic moments:

~ We left home in Florida about midnight Friday (passing our intended departure time by 2 hours), driving straight through to Aiken, South Carolina where we arrived a bit after noon - stopped at a Cracker Barrel on the way for breakfast (where I reprised their fluffy-in-the-middle, crispy-around-the-edges pancakes - yum!).

~ The weather turned bitter cold for two days, but thankfully we had coats/scarves/gloves/hats/boots to ward off the worst - it actually was a nice change of pace from the 80+ degree days we'd left behind...

~ We took my husband's stepmom (who lives in Batesburg, about 30 miles away) out for lunch to a local barbeque place, where she ate well and chatted animatedly - afterwards, we visited the cemetery where we buried R's dad a little over a year ago, and it was an emotional moment for all of us...

~ Went to lunch the next day at the health food store/restaurant where my niece K works - great products and delicious food (I will be attempting to re-create the carrot ginger bisque soon!).

~ We resurrected my husband's family tradition of playing penny poker on Christmas Eve (which we celebrated Monday, December 22 since we had to get back on the road the following day) - we took turns dealing and choosing which format (5 card draw/7 card straight/Texas Hold-em, etc.) and wild cards (deuces and one-eyed Jacks, baseball, Follow the Queen, etc.).

~ It was a treat to have my recently-acquired laptop on the trip, where I could do quick e-mail checks so my ever-growing inbox wouldn't seem quite so daunting a week later - I also wrote out and mailed my holiday cards from the motel...

~ The drive from my husband's sister's house in South Carolina to my mom's home in Georgia is about 3 hours, and we arrived there about 4 p.m. Tuesday - we immediately made a grocery store run and cooked a nice dinner for mom that evening (chicken, rice, steamed green beans, roasted yellow squash)... with store-bought pie for dessert...

~ I've mentioned before that my mom is in declining health, and it was frightening to see how much worse she was since the end of October, when I was up there for the Dar concert - she is on oxygen 24/7 now (we had a tank delivered to my sister's house so Mom could spend a few nights) and, even then, she gets easily out of breath. My brother and sister call her daily, with my brother stopping in every weekend to see what she needs/do things around the house and my sister visiting at least that often, as well as getting mom to all her doctor appointments.

Mom has amazing friends and neighbors, who also check on her regularly - however, my brother, sister and I need to have an in-depth conversation as to exactly what our long-term hopes/plans are for mom (in-home caregiver, assisted living facility, moving to Florida... and in with us, etc.). With both diseases (kidney and pulmonary fibrosis) being chronic and progressive, it has become increasingly more difficult for mom to care for herself, even slowing down substantially - this trip was a wake-up call for me, and it was hard to keep my composure when all I wanted to do was weep openly and often...

~ A fireplace is a treat for us, so we bought firewood and kept a nice fire burning Tuesday night, while we watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas and White Christmas (with Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye and Rosemary Clooney) - classic...

~ Over to my sister's the next day (Christmas Eve), where we ate our traditional Chinese food and finished wrapping presents/stuffing stockings/readying ourselves for Santa's arrival - I had forgotten our stockings back in Florida, so we improvised with Santa hats from the local dollar store!

~ My 12-year-old niece actually let us sleep until 9 Christmas morning, whereupon we all went downstairs and opened presents - we kept things simple and budget-limited this year, yet my children still managed to amaze/delight me with their choices: from Sarah... a gorgeous "be the change you wish to see in the world" silver necklace and a book, Why a Daughter Needs a Mom, to which she added personalized statements on each page (positively sobworthy); from Rob... a beautiful sage green dragonfly vase; from Eric... another necklace, this one silver and lapis; from mom... the movie of Mamma Mia! and a check; from my brother Brad... a Target gift card (yay!); from Mari... our family vacation photo in a Blessings frame, a Dance Sing Laugh Love plaque, a sun/moon for the patio, some tall drink glasses and, best of all, a book she made herself on the computer of all her favorite/most-used/best-requested recipes, which she gifted to everyone (hey, Mari... I don't think you stuck to the limit... :-)

~ My husband and I gave each other... drumroll, please... a new bathroom, on which work should begin tomorrow morning (fingers crossed) and hopefully be finished by week's end - it will be nice to have two again!

~ We stayed in our pajamas, eating Mari's delicious strada and quiches and drinking mimosas and totally lost track of time... so our college friend Steve and his wife Betty (who we knew were coming about 11 for a visit) totally caught us off-guard when they arrived promptly - had a grand time with them until they left about 2... whereupon we began preparing a mouth-watering lunch of ham, hashbrown casserole, shrimp and grits, green beans and rolls.

~ Overheard from our menfolk cleaning up in the kitchen after dinner (while we women sat at the table, still sipping wine), after the garbage disposal had noisily run: "I don't know what it was... but it's gone now!"...

~ We curled up on the couches later that evening to watch back-to-back movies of Mamma Mia! and Sex and the City (accompanied by dessert of the peanut butter and apple pies we didn't have room for earlier) - at that point, my poor sister (chipper and organized and active since we got there) started feeling sick and went up to bed...

~ Went back to mom's about noon Friday where we took it easy (meant to play Scrabble but never got around to it) - Mari joined us later, still not feeling well, and we kept the fire going all night, more for comfort than warmth...

~ Saturday morning came much too early and it was back in the car for the 12-hour drive to Florida, where traffic was horrible most of the way until we hit the Turnpike - it was wonderful to pick up the dog from our friends who were keeping him and finally get back home... where I've spent most of the day puttering and re-acclimating (laundry and shopping and e-mail, oh my!).

As we were watching the Grinch only a few days ago, I listened closely to the last song, which hit me in the heart - took me a while to find the snippet online... but worth the effort, as it totally seems to sum up our holiday experience ("just as long as we have we" indeed... :-)

"Welcome Christmas

Bring your cheer

Cheer to all Whos far and near

Christmas Day is in our grasp

So long as we have hands to clasp

Christmas Day will always be

Just as long as we have we

Welcome, Christmas while we stand
heart to heart and hand in hand."

P.S. More SMM here, here and here...

SONG: Why Can't It Be Christmastime All Year by Rosie Thomas (I can't seem to find the lyrics, but here's the YouTube video/recording)

BOOK: A Christmas Memory by Truman Capote, Beth Peck (illustrator)

POEM: Despair by Billy Collins

So much gloom and doubt in our poetry -

flowers wilting on the table,

the self regarding itself in a watery mirror.

Dead leaves cover the ground,

the wind moans in the chimney,

and the tendrils of the yew tree inch toward the coffin.

I wonder what the ancient Chinese poets

would make of all this,

the shadows and empty cupboards?

Today, with the sun blazing in the trees,

my thoughts turn to the great

tenth-century celebrators of experience,

Wa-Hoo, whose delight in the smallest things

could hardly be restrained,

and to his joyous counterpart in the western provinces,

Ye-Hah.

QUOTE: "I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day. We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year. As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year. And thus I drift along into the holidays - let them overtake me unexpectedly - waking up some fine morning and suddenly saying to myself: "Why, this is Christmas Day!" ~ David Grayson

Thanksgiving Song (Mary Chapin Carpenter)

It is 12:40 a.m. Thanksgiving Day as I begin to type this - I spent much of Wednesday straightening and then cleaning the house in anticipation of the holiday. After I publish this post, I intend to lay out my linens, serving dishes and pantry items so as to get a jump on the day organizationally - then... I'll soak in the jacuzzi before I crawl between the sheets, with plans to wake at 8 a.m. to put the turkey in the oven. Then... back to bed... or not? - usually not... as this is my favorite holiday and I want to make the most of it.

A few minutes ago, I read last year's Thanksgiving posts, as I devoted almost a full week to this special time of gratitude, family and love - ah, that we should feel/behave this way year-round, eh? I love the no-agenda, non-commercial-ness of the day, as it's not really one Hallmark has tagged and therefore sullied - it's all about connection and gathering and thankfulness, widening our circles as well as circling our wagons.

I cook pretty much the same menu each year - our friends Kathy and Buck *always* bring the sweet potato casserole (as that's one of the few things I don't eat... so therefore don't cook) and a raspberry cheesecake. This time around, Sarah and her boyfriend Ryan are making green bean casserole and a chocolate chip banana nut bread - when I read the menu to my boys last night, they insisted that was nowhere near enough chocolate... so I made a dark chocolate caramel walnut pie (2, actually) tonight from a recipe I saw in Good Housekeeping magazine while I was waiting for my friend in the doctor's office - can't wait to finally take a bite and see if it's worth the calories!

As always, so much to be grateful for: my mom, whose health seems to be declining more slowly as she realizes her limitations and therefore asks for more help and doesn't try to do everything herself; my sister and brother, wonderful people in their own right, but absolute godsends in cities of close proximity to Mom, to visit, take her to doctor's appointments, etc.; a husband who loves and supports me, especially in my dark days; my three children who are bright, funny, compassionate; friends, near and far, who lift me up and make me feel valued; my sweet Rockstermuffin who, as soon as I lace up my New Balances, follows me all around the house until I take him walking after *my* walk; music, books and good conversation that keep me inspired, learning and growing; my renewed dedication to a healthier lifestyle; my ongoing spiritual journey to be the best me I can be; a change in national leadership such that I feel represented, rather than disenfranchised, for the first time in eight years; ikigai, a Japanese word that means "that which makes one's life worth living" (i.e., a sense of purpose) - so much more... but I have tables to set, a dishwasher to unload and wine to chill... :-)

Happy Thanksgiving to all - may grace surround and enfold you... on this day, and always...

P.S. SMM...

SONG: Thanksgiving Song by Mary Chapin Carpenter

BOOK: The Book Of Thanksgiving: Stories, Poems, and Recipes for Sharing One of America's Greatest Holidays by Jessica Faust

POEM: This Amazing Day by e. e. cummings

i thank You God for most this amazing

day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth

day of life and love and wings:and of the gay

great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing

breathing any-lifted from the no

of all nothing-human merely being

doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

QUOTE: "Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow." ~ Edward Sandford Martin

Book of Love (Dar Williams)

So... here's the report on the Dar-part of my long weekend in Atlanta... :-)

We arrived at Eddie's Attic a bit before 6 p.m. (when the doors were supposed to open) and met up with my college friend Steve (who I hadn't seen in over a year) and his new wife Betty (who I'd never met) - Steve has joined us on Dar excursions in the past, so it was already shaping up to be a dear and comfortable evening. There was a young woman in a wheelchair waiting in line... and my mom, with her ongoing health issues, is now on oxygen - Eddie (the owner) and Bob (another employee) came out to carry/escort the young woman and Mom up the long flight of stairs so they could get settled before they allowed the rest of the crowd to enter (very thoughtful and classy).

Our reserved table was about three rows back (what a wonderful, intimate listening room!), with Steve and Betty right behind us… and I had a chance to catch up a bit with Blair, there with her husband Jason (impossible to believe her Nora is already 2 years old!) - we ordered drinks and dinner and, while we were waiting for the food to arrive, Betty and I decided to check out the merch table before the show started.

I was trying to decide which T-shirt to buy (I finally settled on the short-sleeved blue with the tree coming out of the writing woman’s head – okay, that sounds strange, but it’s very cool) – the fine print on the care instructions tag reads: “Take care of your shirt and the earth: wash cold and hang dry. Take care of yourself: eat good food and make sure to rest sometimes.”… and being bamboo/hemp/organic cotton… it is, as Amy W. noted in a previous post, amazingly soft… :-)

But I digress: as I was chatting with the merch girl (hi, Orrie!), who already had a semester off school and decided to quit her job at Starbucks to take advantage of the opportunity to tour with Dar… I heard someone behind me say, “There she is…” and it was Dar! – we hugged and chatted and I had the occasion to remind her of a song request I’d e-mailed to Patty to pass on… as well as discuss a potential Florida show (fingers crossed!). I asked if she’d be doing a meet-and-greet between shows, since we were only staying for the All Ages first one (and sweet sharon goldberg had sent me Promised Land posters, which I hoped to get signed) – she said she wasn’t intending to be visible at that time, but told me where we could find her. We said goodbye and I purchased my shirt and went back in, just as Eddie was introducing Dar…

The set list was pretty much as I’ve seen posted here for previous shows – Heather Lloyd (who has another musical incarnation at http://www.ilyaimy.com/) was terrific on djembe and harmony vocals, subtle when called for and strong when required. Bryn Roberts was equally captivating on keyboards and harmony vocals – I especially loved watching him watching Dar tell her always-charming between-song-stories, and delighting in the audience reaction.

Since it was the early show, there was no opening act but, since the tour up to this point had included Shawn Mullins (and he’s an Atlantan), he sang a few songs with Dar and then showcased one of his tunes, Beautiful Wreck, on which Dar harmonized – Dar quipped afterwards that it wasn’t a good song to have eye contact on… “you’re a beautiful wreck”… “no, *you’re* a beautiful wreck”… :-)

And the moment came where Dar began the story of Vince Gill and Amy Grant having a baby… so I knew what was to follow… and she then said, “this song is a request from Susan Moss to her mother Connie” (it was from Mari and Julia too), nodded in Mom’s direction, saying “it’s good to see you again” (they’d met a few years back at The Variety Playhouse) and proceeded to play The One Who Knows, at which point Mari and I started to weep… and Julia looked at each of us, wondering what was going on. Mom semi-gasped an “oh”… then “thanks, Dar”… then grabbed my hand… then *she* started crying – Dar followed this with The Babysitter’s Here, which we’ve always considered “Julia’s song”. Someone later asked if we were four generations – I said no, only three but that, since I was 13 years older, I’d always considered myself Mari’s second mother anyway (which Mari can confirm)...

The audience was enthusiastic (our show as well as the next was sold out) and Dar was relaxed, in stunning voice and appreciative of the warm reception – we filed out as they prepared for the second show and spotted Dar in a corner of the bar area, whereupon she nodded to us (Mari, Julia, Betty and me) to come over, where we chatted some more, she signed our posters and Julia had a chance to tell Dar she did a book report on Amalee (which I’d given as a birthday present a few years ago). The second show was fast approaching and we reluctantly said goodbye, chattering excitedly and sighing blissfully on the 45-minute drive home.

Thanks, Mom, for raising us to be Ones Who Know… thanks, Mari, for all the driving (and *so* much more!)… and thanks, Julia, for being the coolest kid ever – thanks to Dar for providing us with yet another occasion to make memories… <3

P.S. And another Star Maker Machine post - yay!

SONG: Book of Love by Dar Williams

BOOK: Backstage Pass: Interviews With Women in Music by Laura Post (foreword by Dar Williams)

POEM: Autumn Quince by Jane HirscLhfield

How sad they are,

the promises we never return to.

They stay in our mouths,

roughen the tongue, lead lives of their own.

Houses built and unwittingly lived in;

a succession of milk bottles brought to the door

every morning and taken inside.

And which one is real?

The music in the composer's ear

or the lapsed piece the orchestra plays?

The world is a blurred version of itself --

marred, lovely, and flawed.

It is enough.

QUOTE: "Never make your home in a place. Make a home for yourself inside your own head. You'll find what you need to furnish it - memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other such things. That way it will go with you wherever you journey." ~ Tad Williams

Pools of Eden (Eliza Gilkyson)

We returned from our beach vacation this past Saturday, August 9 - the days following have been full of overload and catch-up and life re-entry, oh my!

Preparations the night before leaving had me almost pulling an all-nighter, getting in the bed at 4:00 a.m. to be up at 7:00 a.m... only to find there had been a power outage somewhere in that time frame - we had hoped for an 8 a.m. departure and, two hours later (no surprise there) we were on the road. My husband R and I took turns driving and, with the iPod on shuffle (everything from Roberta Flack to the B-52's to Joni Mitchell), the miles flew by. About an hour from our destination, I blipped on navigation and missed a turn (too busy singing along to Cat Stevens' Father and Son), adding another hour to the trip - sorry, family!

As we drove along the coast, we could see the island of St. George in the distance, and it seemed forever before we finally reached the bridge to get us across and over - each house we passed looked more beautiful than the next, as we drove by Whelk Way, Coral Street and Dolphin Drive. We finally pulled into the driveway of Seaclusion, our rental for the week (pictured above) to find my mom, brother, sister and her family (hugs all around!) had made themselves at home - organizer Mari had their food and supplies already stashed in the refrigerator and cupboards, drinks had been poured and bedrooms assigned. R and I were generously gifted with the master suite, with a king-size bed and a view overlooking the Gulf - thanks, Mare... :-)

Since it was close to 8 p.m. before we had our stuff unloaded and stored, we decided to order pizza and sandwiches from a bar and grill in town - Mari and Sarah went to pick up, and sweet S paid the tab. Our first night on the island was spent having dinner on one of the two decks, watching the waves and smelling the delicious salt air, sipping beers and anxiously anticipating the next 6 days - who knew how quickly they would fly by... yet how tangibly embraceable the magic moments would be...

Highlights:

~ our first full day there (Sunday, August 3), as we each followed our own path (getting up early or sleeping late, gravitating to the heat of the beach/pool or staying in the shady comfort of the deck, eating a heavier breakfast/lunch or snacking throughout) - I loved the hit-and-run pockets of conversation at various points and places along the way...

~ the island and surrounding area is called "The Forgotten Coast" because of its lack of development (what a concept), thereby presenting an amazing blanket of stars in the dark sky night after night - we could even view clusters of galaxies and constellations...

~ my brother took us all out to dinner at The Blue Parrot, and I had fried local oysters and broiled Gulf shrimp - washed down with a Yuengling, I was in seafood heaven!

~ finding sea turtle nesting in full swing on the island - we rented lounge chairs and umbrellas the first day, left them on the beach and woke to find everything tagged by the sea turtle watch volunteer organization, asking us to move the items off the beach each night, as they were in the path of the egg-laying females. There were also notices throughout the house, reminding us to turn off outdoor lights at night, so as not to be confused with the pull of the moon - it's a very respectful, protective emphasis on the birthing cycle...

~ we took turns cooking throughout the week, my husband and I serving up grilled bacon-wrapped fillets, roast potatoes and steamed veggies; my kids cooking plain and blue-cheese-stuffed turkey and regular burgers, corn on the cob and french fries; my sister making baked salmon and grouper one evening and chicken parmesan with homemade pasta (more on that later) another few evenings - yum!

~ we vowed to have Cocktail/Happy Hour each night, and we lived up to the promise - cheater that I am, I had bought frozen mini-quiches and sandwich spirals for our turns, while Martha Mari whipped up bacon-wrapped water chestnuts and salmon spread (god, she's good... :-) My son Rob (the bartender) mixed up frozen and over-ice concoctions each night - my fave was a spiced rum mixed with kiwi-lime sparking water with a wedge of lime run around the edge of the glass and then added to the mix).

~ one my favorite things to do at the beach is to immerse myself in a good book and, although reading opportunities were less optimal because of wanting to spend time with mom (and everyone else), I still managed to savor three terrific novels, the first of which was one of Mari's library books (but which I begged to read first because I'm such a fan of the author, and hadn't yet picked up the new one): Run by Ann Patchett, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer and The Probable Future by Alice Hoffman - I also had my sister read Broken for You by Stephanie Kallos (my new favorite novel), and urged mom to take it home with her to enjoy.

~ we celebrated my 54th (yikes!) birthday at the beach with a key lime pie, presents and cards - my brother had given me money and I had a grand time spending it during our souvenir shop excursion Thursday, picking up a very cool white lacy straw cowboy hat with shells around the crown ("borderline WT", Sarah told me), perfect for shading my face at the beach/around the pool, and some sun readers - who knew there was such a fabulous invention?!? (for the last decade, ever since I needed reading glasses, I'd just place my sunglasses over them... two inconvenient layers). We also came home with pirate mugs ("time flies when you're having rum" and "Surrender your Booty" from The Jolly Roger Shop for co-workers and friends and a sea turtle windchime for my next-door neighbors who brought in the mail) - photos of trying on hats and glasses: priceless!

~ I was proud of myself for walking my usual 45 minutes 4 of the 6 days we were there - I had brought my walkman as accompaniment but, given the solitude of the island, chose not to use it, instead concentrating and meditating on the breeze, the sounds and the smells.

~ our beach house faced south, so we had to drive to the northwest side of the island for a sunset angle - our three visits delivered one better than the other two but none perfect. No problem - you know what they say: "even a bad sunset at the beach is better than a good evening anywhere else!"...

~ our weather was perfect the entire trip, with about three drops of rain one afternoon (what? - gone!) - I slathered enough sunscreen on each day so as to tan but not burn (mission accomplished). We experienced daily dolphin sightings (mostly in groups of three or more) - there were dragonflies everywhere on the island (Dave, Dave, Dave... :-)

~ so, we did make a gigantic batch of pasta (under mom's expert tutelage), dried it out on the kitchen table for a few days and boiled it up to go with Mari's Thursday night dinner - it tasted even more delicious because of the memories embedded...

~ we are proud to claim we recycled all week (although it was frightening the amount of beer/wine bottles and soda cans we went through), and made two drop-off trips to the bins in the middle of the island - yay, us!

~ dear Sarah borrowed her office camera and documented all the snippets of magic moments that came together to make this a trip to remember (Julia on Eric's shoulders, our sandcastle decorated with shells, beachgrass and Corona bottles on the turrets, Rob playing Guitar Hero, etc.)... and she'll be uploading them to Shutterfly to make a bound book (complete with captions) for mom's birthday September 9... as well as for the rest of us.

Needless to say, mom was beyond thrilled at our ability to pull this trip together on such short notice (not to mention being able to take the week off), our desire to help her have this family vacation and our commitment to spending quality time together each day - she smiled, she laughed, she cried tears of joy... and she couldn't stop repeating how blessed she felt, surrounded by her children, he grandchildren and her sons-in-law...

As long as we retain the memories, we can return any time we choose... and we're already thinking positive and planning an encore trip next August - there's no place like St. George Island, there's no place like St. George Island, there's no place like St. George Island... :-)

SONG: Pools of Eden by Eliza Gilkyson (can't seem to find the lyrics anywhere... but here is an audio sample)

BOOK: Chicken Soup for the Beach Lover's Soul: Memories Made Beside a Bonfire, on the Boardwalk and with Family and Friends by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Aubery, Peter Vegso

POEM: The Gardener of Eden by James Broughton

I am the old dreamer who never sleeps
I am timekeeper of the timeless dance
I preserve the long rhythms of the earth
and fertilize the rounds of desire

In my evergreen arboretum
I raise flowering hopes for the world
I plant seeds of perennial affection
and wait for their passionate bloom

Would you welcome that sight if you saw it?
Revalue the view you have lost?
Could you wake to the innocent morning
and follow the risks of your heart?

Every day I grow a dream in my garden
where the beds are laid out for love
When will you come to embrace it
and join in the joy of the dance?

QUOTE: "I find myself at the extremity of a long beach. How gladly does the spirit leap forth, and suddenly enlarge its sense of being to the full extent of the broad, blue, sunny deep! A greeting and a homage to the Sea! I descend over its margin, and dip my hand into the wave that meets me, and bathe my brow. That far-resounding roar is the Ocean's voice of welcome. His salt breath brings a blessing along with it." ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

Family (Pierce Pettis... and covered by Dar Williams)

I am not yet at the point where I am able to speak much about this past weekend - for now, suffice it to say it pendulumed between tragic and magic, with everything in between.

I will share one snippet though - at one point, I was looking at a posterboard of photos that my sister-in-law had made for the funeral home viewing... and there was one picture that literally made me gasp. It was of my father-in-law, probably in his early 20's, standing in front of a plane in his pilot's uniform (during World War II) - were it not for the fact it was obviously taken decades ago, his face could very well have been that of my son Eric, now 19. My sister-in-law's husband laughed at me: "you obviously don't believe in genetics, do you?" - I guess I'd always seen the obvious ("sledgehammer genetics", I told him... :-) of myself and my daughter, my husband and his father... but I could not recall another incident that so subtly blindsided me... and was so comforting in the epiphany...

SONG: Family by Pierce Pettis (and covered by Dar Williams)

BOOK: Free to Be. . . A Family ~ A Book About All Kinds Of Belonging by Marlo Thomas (Foreword), Gloria Steinem (Introduction), Letty Cottin Pogrebin (Introduction)

POEM: Family Reunion by Jeredith Merrin

The divorced mother and her divorcing
daughter. The about-to-be ex-son-in-law
and the ex-husband's adopted son.
The divorcing daughter's child, who is

the step-nephew of the ex-husband's
adopted son. Everyone cordial:
the ex-husband's second wife
friendly to the first wife, warm

to the divorcing daughter's child's
great-grandmother, who was herself
long ago divorced. Everyone
grown used to the idea of divorce.

Almost everyone has separated
from the landscape of a childhood.
Collections of people in cities
are divorced from clean air and stars.

Toddlers in day care are parted
from working parents, schoolchildren
from the assumption of unbloodied
daylong safety. Old people die apart

from all they've gathered over time,
and in strange beds. Adults
grow estranged from a God
evidently divorced from History;

most are cut off from their own
histories, each of which waits
like a child left at day care.
What if you turned back for a moment

and put your arms around yours?
Yes, you might be late for work;
no, your history doesn't smell sweet
like a toddler's head. But look

at those small round wrists,
that short-legged, comical walk.
Caress your history--who else will?
Promise to come back later.

Pay attention when it asks you
simple questions: Where are we going?
Is it scary? What happened? Can
I have more now? Who is that?

QUOTE: "We all grow up with the weight of history on us. Our ancestors dwell in the attics of our brains as they do in the spiraling chains of knowledge hidden in every cell of our bodies." ~ Shirley Abbott