Double Vision (Foreigner)

Well, this was supposed to be a post about my "resolutions" for the New Year but, as we all know (thanks to John Lennon), life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans.  Long Story Short:  everything's okay, but I was in the hospital for 48+ hours.

Long Story Long:  I suggest you make yourself a cup of hot tea (or pour a glass of wine) and pull up a chair.  We're going to be here a while!

I started with blurry vision earlier in the day on New Year's Eve, which I chalked up to eyestrain (hey, I *did* read 100 books in 2020, right?... 😃)  Thought I could go to sleep and wake up fine.  The next morning, it was not only still there, but it was worse.  Gave it another day and, when it had not improved, I decided to visit the Urgent Care across the street (Saturday, January 2).  Obviously Chico had to drive me as I could not and, of course during these COVID times, he was not allowed to stay with me, so I told him to go home, and promised to keep him posted.  I assumed they would give me some eyedrops, and let me go home.  Wrong!

When they checked me in, one of the first things they did was take my blood pressure, which was crazy high; I do have "white coat" reactions anyway, but this was beyond that, so they did an EKG immediately (which was normal).  Swooped me back to a curtained room, hooked me up to a heart monitor and a blood pressure cuff, started an IV port, and gave me an injection of Labetalol.

[Aside:  when I visited my primary care P.A. in mid-October, my blood pressure as well as blood sugar was higher than she wanted it to be, and she prescribed medication.  I, however, wanted to try to bring everything down through diet and exercise, so I didn't fill the prescriptions.  I've also been vegan for 3 1/2 years, and although my food choices are not perfect, I thought they were pretty d*mn good, but I tweaked them a bit anyway.  I also started walking an hour a day then which, in retrospect, probably saved me!] 

When my blood pressure didn't come down substantially, they decided to transfer me to Memorial West Hospital, about 10 minutes down the road (mandatory to give me a COVID test before doing that; next-day results were negative).  I was thinking my husband could just pick me up and drive me over there, but nooooo... it had to be by ambulance, with the siren blaring.  It seemed excessive and laughable; I was feeling no adverse health effects, other than the vision issue, which had now been put on the back burner due to the suspected hypertension and pre-diabetes (determined by a blood test).

I saw more health care professionals in two days than I did in the entirety of 2020.  In addition to the EKG, I also had an echocardiogram, as well as a CT scan (hilarious, because they made me take off all my jewelry which, for those who know me, realize what an ordeal that was:  a watch, four bracelets on each arm, two rings on my left hand, one ring on my right hand, three necklaces, three earrings in *each* ear, and a nose ring!).

Finally moved me to a *real* room at 11 p.m. Saturday night, which was great because they removed the blood pressure cuff and gave me a portable heart monitor, meaning I could move around/go to the bathroom without having to ask anyone to unhook as well as hook me back up (as I had to in the ER).  

There was a mix-up with my nutritional needs the first morning I was there because, even though Vegan Diet was in my patient chart and on the whiteboard in my room, I received eggs (twice).  Then I got a phone call from Bianca, the hospital dietitian, who straightened it out, and provided me with lovely vegetable options the remainder of my stay (hooray!).  Also, Sarah put together (and dropped off) a goody bag for me of bananas, peanut butter, an avocado, and a delicious Parlour Vegan sandwich to make sure I was set.

Sunday morning, a neurologist stopped by, and said:  "it's not a tumor, it's not an aneurysm, it's not a stroke" (thankyoujesus!)... and proceeded to tell me exactly what it *was*:  Left Cranial Nerve VI Palsy which, in my case, was triggered by the high blood pressure and, according to reports:  "in many patients, 6th cranial nerve palsies resolve once the underlying disorder is treated. Idiopathic palsy and ischemic palsy usually abate within 2 months".

A few observations, and then I will wrap this up!

During my hospital stay, I kept hearing 10-second clips of two songs throughout the day, and finally asked one of the nurses:  Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is played when a baby is born... and the Theme Song to Rocky when a COVID patient goes home.  Joy and Happy Tears... 💞

My husband texted me late Saturday night, while I was still in the ER waiting for a room:

Chico:  The apartment is a very lonely place right now.  I hope you can get some sleep.  Sending you a big hug while watching the end of Notting Hill with the song She in the background.

Me:  I'm just a girl, hooked up to a blood pressure monitor, waiting to regain my perfect vision... 😁

 

We had a running family text thread (Chico, Sarah, Rob, and Eric) of love, concern, and support... which sustained me throughout.  I am grateful to have such a wonderful family (as well as my sister and brother, and other near-and-dear friends I kept in the loop).

I honestly felt great the entire time (except for that pesky blurred/double vision), and the whole experience recalibrated my thoughts/attitude.  I am used to having one of my family members in the hospital bed and, being their advocate, sleeping in the crappy recliner.  Now that the situation was reversed, yes... it was hard not having anyone by my side, but I kept thinking of those with COVID or other more serious illness, not able to have their loved one(s) nearby.  My main goal was to remain patient and low-maintenance; I really only needed a large cup of ice every few hours so I could stay hydrated.  I also never watched one minute of TV, because my brain was already so overloaded and I used it as a Zen moment/long weekend... ☮

Also, it is painfully obvious that all of the nurses/staff are overworked and overstressed.  *Most* are beyond compassionate and empathic, and there were a few who lapsed into negative and judgy behavior.  I will leave it at that for now, but I do have examples.

"Only to find Gideons Bible"... 😆

The hospital doctor came in the morning of Monday, January 4 and announced that I was being discharged about lunchtime, which really meant 4:30 p.m., but that's okay because I was finally getting sprung.  Ah, home to my own bed and pillow (substantially better than the standard-issue pancake-thin facsimiles they provide!).  My takeaways:

~ This was all one big fat f*cking wake-up call, meaning I am now on medication as well as much more carefully watching my food choices.  No more processed/convenience foods; reminding myself that Vegan = Whole Food Plant Based.

~ It was recommended by the neurologist that I use a patch throughout the day, alternating between eyes to strengthen both.  Walked yesterday, sans patch, which was tricky, but I *needed* to get back into my routine, so I'm taking it slowly.  Also, I am not "allowed" to drive for a while, so I had to ask Chico to return my library books.  I f*cking hate being dependent on others for anything.  Grrr.

~ I kept my phone on mute the whole time I was in the hospital, and will continue that habit most of the day.  Normally my cell sounds like a 7-11 (ding ding ding!), which is very stressful.  I have learned that most things can wait, and rarely does anyone need an immediate turnaround time.

~ For now, I am switching to decaf coffee because of the high blood pressure issues.  Can't hurt, might help, right?

~ Also, this article popped up yesterday (Whole Foods CEO Takes Heat for Saying the Best Healthcare Solution Is 'to Change the Way People Eat') and... I don't think he's wrong (there are obvious exceptions for COVID, etc.).  Mostly, we really are what we eat!

NR:  Actually, nothing right now, as I need to concentrate on getting my vision back, which will happen if I follow the recommendations I've noted above.  My intention was that A Promised Land by Barack Obama would be my first book of 2021, but that seems pretty daunting, considering.  Setting manageable goals so I can get back on the Goodreads train as soon as possible.  Right now I'm attempting to process Your Body in Balance: The New Science of Food, Hormones, and Health by Neal D Barnard MD FACC, Lindsay Nixon (Contributor) 

SONG:  Double Vision by Foreigner (those of you know me, and aware of my "distaste" for one-word-named 80s bands, are probably laughing your *sses off now... 😲 )

BOOK:  Dream It. Pin It. Live It.: Make Vision Boards Work for You by Terri Savelle Foy

POEM:  Allow by Danna Faulds

There is no controlling life.

Try corralling a lightning bolt,

containing a tornado.  Dam a

stream and it will create a new

channel.  Resist, and the tide

will sweep you off your feet.

Allow, and grace will carry

you to higher ground.  The only

safety lies in letting it all in –

the wild and the weak; fear,

fantasies, failures and success.

When loss rips off the doors of

the heart, or sadness veils your

vision with despair, practice

becomes simply bearing the truth.

In the choice to let go of your

known way of being, the whole

world is revealed to your new eyes.

QUOTE:  “Time and patience are the strongest warriors.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

I Need a Doctor (The Nields)

Everything's fine (as far as I know).  Just an update that I went in for a *routine* check-up this past Wednesday, October 14.

After our lovely beach getaway, Sarah ("chocolate and rainboots" indeed... 💖) said that the best birthday present I could give her would be a doctor's appointment, and she actually made one for me (guess she figured if it worked for the chiropractor, she could do it for my GP!).  Shamefacedly, I admit that my last time going in was October 2017 (three years ago).  

I have no reason to believe my health is anything other than stellar (being vegan helps, right?), but there was bloodwork and an EKG and urine specimens (oh my!), therefore fasting.  Same old, same old, you know?  Also had a flu shot while I was there.

She and I talked a lot about self-care during the pandemic, emotional as well as physical.  My blood pressure skewed high the first few times (I have "white coat syndrome", not to mention the fact I was out in public, as I rarely leave the condo complex), then came down a bit the third and fourth tries.  I told her that I *really* didn't want to start on any medication, and asked her if I could have another month to lower it through diet and exercise, and she agreed.  (Aside:  my walking streak is in the double digits:  Day 11!!!)

She also wrote "prescriptions" for a bone density test, a mammogram, and a colonoscopy (can't wait to be x-rayed, smushed, and rectally-violated... 😃 )

Wednesday of next week, she and I will have a tele-visit to discuss test results, as well as my one-month follow-up visit.  I feel good about being back on track with my health, and taking even *better* care of myself... 💓

P.S.  Not as many check-ins with friends as last week, but always a treat:  Monday pool day with Nancy, weekly Tuesday Zoom call with Nancy and Judi, visit with Eileen yesterday afternoon, and phone chat with RobbyG starting in a few minutes!

NR:  A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy by Sue Klebold

SONG:  I Need a Doctor by The Nields

BOOK:  I Wrote This for You by Iain S. Thomas

POEM(S):  The Metronome Tree by Iain S. Thomas

Forget about your lists, and do what you can because that's all you can do. 

Phone up the people you miss and tell them you love them. 

Hug those close to you as hard as you can. 

Because you are always only a drunk driver's stupidity, a nervous shopkeeper's mistake, a doctor's best attempts, and an old age away from forever.

“B” (If I Should Have a Daughter) by Sarah Kay

If I should have a daughter, instead of mom, she’s going to call me Point B,

because that way she knows that no matter what happens,

at least she can always find her way to me.

And I am going to paint the Solar Systems on the backs of her hands,

so she has to learn the entire universe before she can say ‘Oh, I know that like the back of my hand’

And she’s going to learn that this life will hit you,

hard,

in the face,

wait for you to get back up, just so it can kick you in the stomach

but getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.

There is hurt, fear that cannot be fixed by band aids or poetry

so the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn’t coming

I’ll make sure she knows she does not have to wear the cape all by herself

because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers,

your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal.

Believe me, I’ve tried

And baby, I’ll tell her, don’t keep your nose up in the air like that

I know that trick, I’ve done it a million times

You’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail

back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire

to see if you can save him.

Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him

But I know she will anyway, so instead, I’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate

and rainboots nearby.

Because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix.

Ok, there’s a few heartbreaks that chocolate can’t fix,

but that’s what the rainboots are for because rain will

wash away everything if you let it.

I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass bottomed boat

To look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind

Because that’s the way my mom taught me.

That there’ll be days like this

that there’s be days like this my mama said

When you open your hands to catch, and wind up with only blisters and bruises.

When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly

And the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape

When your boots will fill with rain and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment

and those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you

because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop

kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it is sent away.

You will put the win in winsome … lose some

You will put the star in starting over and over.

And no matter how many landmines erupt in a minute

be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.

And yes, on a scale from one to overtrusting, I am pretty damn naive.

But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar.

It can crumble so easily.

But don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.

Baby, I’ll tell her, remember your mama is a worrier

and your papa is a warrior.

And you’re the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.

Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things and

always apologize when you’ve done something wrong

but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining,

your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing.

And when they finally hand you a heartache,

when they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street corners

of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that

they

really ought to meet your mother.

QUOTE:  "The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman." ~ Jonathan Swift