(Don’t Fear) The Reaper (Blue Öyster Cult)

Seven weeks today since Eric's death.

Yesterday was our second week attending the bereavement group; Sarah went to a yoga class instead (she's been very dedicated!), and Chico actually came with me again.  The overarching sentiment seems to be that after the meeting I feel drained, but mostly relaxed and peaceful.  My melancholy emanated from the fact that they (mostly widows, with a few widowers) have lost their life partners, and I almost felt guilty my husband is not only still alive, but supportive.  I don't take that for granted, even with the forever-absence of my child.  

Great news!  I actually heard back from the therapist I reached out to last Friday; her husband (who does her scheduling) called me yesterday, we had a very long conversation, and he said that, although she currently had no availability, he would do what he could to get me in.  I informed him that I had the power of the purple candles on my side, and darned if I didn't hear from him *this* morning, confirming a 3 p.m. appointment tomorrow (I then spent time filling out the paperwork).  She sounds amazing, and I am counting my blessings... ॐ

Chico and I watched two more home movies Sunday afternoon; two impressions:  they're like Robert Altman's films, in which everyone is talking over everyone... and the recurring theme, since they mostly are of Christmases together, is "save the bows!".  Ha... 🤣

Boundless thanks to Michele for sending me this article (through the actual mail!) a few weeks ago:  We Don't Recover from Grief, and that's Okay by Eleanor Haley  Found out that it had since morphed into a book, which I ordered for myself and, discovering how wonderful it is, sending copies to Sarah, Rob, and Duyen.  I am using it like a workbook, marking it up with notes, highlighted passages, and Arlo Guthrie's proverbial "circles and arrows".  And, as The Band sings:  "Take what you need and leave the rest".  What a great resource... 💖

My binge-watch continues (two episodes a night); a bit of googling revealed this most perfect "review":  "Its sadness isn't the reason why I'll never get over it though, but rather its raw depiction of grief.  Six Feet Under isn't so much a show about death as it's a show about coping with death... Death may be inevitable, but it doesn't take away the pain it brings."

SONG:  (Don’t Fear) The Reaper by Blue Öyster Cult

BOOK:  What's Your Grief?: Lists to Help You Through Any Loss by Eleanor Haley MS, Litsa Williams MA LCSW-C

POEM:  Me First by Billy Collins

We often fly in the sky together,

and we’re always okay—there’s our luggage now

waiting for us on the carousel.

And we drive lots of places

in all manner of hectic traffic,

yet here we are pulling in the driveway again.

So many opportunities to die together,

but no meteor has hit our house,

no tornado has lifted us into its funnel.

The odds say then that one of us will go

before the other, like heading off

into a heavy snow storm, leaving

the other one behind to stand in the kitchen

or lie on the bed under the fan.

So why not let me, the older one, go first?

I don’t want to see you everywhere

as I wait for the snow to stop,

before setting out with a crooked stick, calling your name.

QUOTE(S), both from Six Feet Under:  "You think it's a day like any other, but what you don't realize is that anything can happen, and then it does.  It happens."

"Why do people have to die?"

"To make life important.  None of us know how long we've got.  Which is why we have to make each day matter."