My Sister (Juliana Hatfield)

So... we pulled it off - my daughter Sarah and I threw a surprise birthday party for my visiting sister!

When Mari e-mailed me a few weeks back, said she was flying into Tampa for a business conference and would love to drive over mid-week when she was finished to hang with us for a few days, the wheels began to turn (no pun intended) - she had a major milestone birthday last month and, having lived in South Florida from 1992 - 2000, there are still people here who know and love her...

Here is the Evite invitation we sent out:

Surprise Party: No Flip-Flop About It - Mari's 40!

Mari (Sue's sister/Sarah's aunt), who lives in Atlanta, will be in town for a visit following a business conference in Tampa. She turned 40 on January 18 and we'd like to surprise her with a women's get-together here.

Mari just got a tattoo on her lower back (of flip flops!) so we'd like to ask each of you to wear your favorite pair, as well as write up some advice/wise words on the occasion of turning the magical Four-Oh (printed on an 8 1/2" x 11" paper of your choice to include in a memory scrapbook, please)...

We will provide scrumptious appetizers and a variety of beverages (soda, tea, water, red and white wine as well as a special drink invented in her honor: the Maritini... :-)

Bring your best self and join us in celebrating Mari... and the circle of female friendships - 40 rocks!

It was a delightful worlds-colliding evening and we are suitably exhausted/exhiliarated - today will most definitely be a Bums By the Pool Day (aaaahhhh)...

I adore my "baby" sister - I was 13 when she was born and truly felt like her second mother for years. The family legend is that my parents tried to have more children after me but were unsuccessful, until my father converted to Catholicism, whereupon my mom became pregnant immediately - the name Mary Catherine (which she later shortened and changed to Mari) was conferred on the "miraculous conception"... :-)

I read to her, played with her, watched out for her - I regaled her with lullabies of I'm the Greatest Star and I'd Rather Be Blue and, when we were both adults and Mari still lived close by and came for Christmas, our clean-up ritual was to put on the Funny Girl soundtrack and sing along (loudly) to the entire CD as we made fast work of Tupperwaring and dishwashing.

She was eight when my husband and I got married - he and I decided to give away all of our duplicate albums (a leap of faith our union was forever!) and she became the unlikely recipient, turning into the coolest kiddo in the neighborhood as the new proud owner of The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Joni Mitchell's Blue and James Taylor's Mudslide Slim and the Blue Horizon.

[ Decades later when I was beginning to segue to CDs, after having transitioned to cassettes, I made the vow I was not going to replace anything I previously had in the other two formats, but would instead just move forward musically from there - for my birthday party the next month, Mari said "that's the stupidest f*cking rule I've ever heard" and gifted me with Carole King's Tapestry on CD (which of course was one of the many albums we had given her way back then... :-) ]

As we grew up, the gap lessened and I segued from caretaker to confidante - I still consider her one of my best friends, and we have such an easy relationship.

We have a variety of running jokes, one of which comes from the long-since-retired TV show thirtysomething, in which the character Melissa is speaking to her younger sister about the differences in their family roles according to birth order - Melissa says, "as the older child, it's my job to fulfill all of mom and dad's deepest hopes, dreams and desires. All you have to do is stay out of prison." So true, so true - I got in major trouble in high school (I plead the fifth on details) and was told I had dragged our family name through the mud but, when Mari did the same thing 13 years later, I recall the party line was "kids will be kids" (no fair!).

I loved the days when Mari shadowed me from room to room, yakking away, looking up to me reverentially, wishing she had "bazooms" (breasts) - she was a tiny thing ("Bones" was her nickname) and she threw herself into everything she attempted (whether it was Junior Civitan, cheerleading or soccer), never envisioning failure as an option. She was socially and scholastically proficient and graduated from the University of Georgia - she's always been independent and resourceful and grateful for whatever blessings came her way, even when our parents' marriage began to erode and she was caught in the middle.

Mari now has a supportive husband, a darling 11-year-old daughter by a previous marriage (I was Mari's labor coach and helped Julia into the world), a gorgeous and huge home, a responsible and respectable job and a wonderful network of women friends of her own - I am so proud of who she has grown into...

P.S. For the curious among you, the Maritini mentioned in the Evite was equal parts chilled vanilla vodka and Voyant chai liqueur, served in martini glasses rimmed with cinnamon sugar - yum!

P.P.S. My sister is not a b*tch... but she did turn me to on my post-titled song, so I felt it only appropriate to use - I think it celebrates, without sugarcoating, the love/hate relationship between female siblings... :-)

SONG: My Sister by Juliana Hatfield

BOOK: Sisters: 10th Anniversary Edition by Carol Saline, Sharon J. Wohlmuth

POEM: One Sister have I in our house by Emily Dickinson

One Sister have I in our house,

And one, a hedge away.

There's only one recorded,

But both belong to me.

One came the road that I came—

And wore my last year's gown—

The other, as a bird her nest,

Builded our hearts among.

She did not sing as we did—

It was a different tune—

Herself to her a music

As Bumble bee of June.

Today is far from Childhood—

But up and down the hills

I held her hand the tighter—

Which shortened all the miles—

And still her hum

The years among,

Deceives the Butterfly;

Still in her Eye

The Violets lie

Mouldered this many May.

I spilt the dew—

But took the morn—

I chose this single star

From out the wide night's numbers—

Sue - forevermore!

QUOTE: "A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life." ~ Isadora James

Make It Home (Juliana Hatfield)

We're home... pulling into the driveway about 10:30 last night - it was a grand gathering, despite the hit-and-run aspect. I've spent the day doing laundry, finding homes for the many wonderful gifts we received and making lists so I can send out thank you notes tomorrow - tiredness combined with my need to put my house back in order combined with enjoying peace and quiet after the whirlwind trip finds me reluctant to type out a play-by-play... but rather highlights of our holiday trip. Sure was nice to sleep in my own bed last night, wonderful to have today off and know that weekend R&R looms as well - there's no place like home indeed... <3

~ savoring fluffy-in-the-middle, crispy-around-the-edges pancakes at Cracker Barrel on the way to South Carolina...

~ fostering the Christmas spirit with an abundance of holiday mixes, my own and friends', in the car...

~ watching home movies at my husband's sister's house, motivating me days later to ask for my mom's 8-mm film so I can transfer it to DVDs too...

~ appreciating reflections of holiday lights on the pond outside Dot's home, and toasting to her husband (my father-in-law, recently passed) on what would have been his 83rd birthday...

~ enjoying Christmas Eve dinner of Chinese food at my sister's...

~ reliving Christmas mornings with my own children through Julia's excitement at her own Santa presents...

~ picking up my aunt from the nursing home so she could spend the day with us...

~ receiving so many amazingly intuitive presents: a handmade purple tie-dye fleece blanket from my niece, a new Santa for my collection from my sister, a stunning pair of purple and silver earrings from my brother, an earring rack from my mom, the Once soundtrack from my daughter, Tom Brokaw's Boom! from my sons, pepper spray from my husband (he supports my independence but still worries about me... :-)

~ viewing Love Actually (with two Joni moments) with the clan much later in the evening...

~ motivating to my mom's the next day for a comforting fireplace, an informative and loving chat with her (and my siblings) about her health and a challenging Scrabble game (which I won!)...

~ piling back into the car Thursday morning for the 12-hour drive home, grateful for the time together, my children's terrific behavior and my husband's prioritizing of family, despite the chaotic circumstances...

~ Trip mantra: "it is what it is" - whatever it was, we adapted, we learned, we grew... <3

SONG: Make It Home by Juliana Hatfield

BOOK: Home for the Holidays: Stories and Art Created for the Benefit of Habitat for Humanity by Gene Stelten (Editor)

POEM: Leavings by Robin Robertson

Still sleepwalking through her life,

I wrap her up

and we go through the snow that fell all night

and all through this Christmas morning:

her trainers barely denting the whitened lawn, her

two strides for every stride of mine.

Leaving her home

to the warmth of the house

I step back out, and see where my footprints turn

and walk through hers,

the other way—following the trail

of rabbit and deer into the unreachable silences of snow.

I can bring nothing of this back intact.

My face is smoke, my body water,

my tracks are made of snow.

The next morning is a dripping thaw, and winter

is gone from the grass—except for a line

of white marks going nowhere:

the stamped ellipses of impacted snow;

everything gone, leaving just this, this ghost-tread,

these wafer-thin footsteps of glass.

QUOTE: "For centuries men have kept an appointment with Christmas. Christmas means fellowship, feasting, giving and receiving, a time of good cheer, home." ~ W.J. Ronald Tucker