Everything I Need (Melissa Ferrick)

It seems as if I have turned a corner with my attitude as well as my awareness.  Life feels easier than it has in quite a while.  I am eating super-healthy; my relationships are, for the most part, honest and reciprocal; I am taking the time to self-nurture, on many levels.  I was speaking to my daughter Sarah by phone the other day and, when I was filling her in on my day (Goodreads review, blog post upload, starting a new book), she said:  "Mom, you are living your best life!".  "Yes, I am", I replied... 💖

It's been a good week:  celebrated a friend's birthday Monday; Tuesday Zoom with Nancy and Judi, then picked up Colin from preschool; Sarah and Colin came for a pool visit yesterday, as well as lunch with Eric; Pool Day with Nance today, and an online poetry event this evening.  My soul overfloweth... 😍

Lest this all be misconstrued as *perfect*, I do need to exercise more as well as tackle additional items on my To Do List.  I will make it happen!

NR:  Scratched: A Memoir of Perfectionism by Elizabeth Tallent

SONG:  Everything I Need by Melissa Ferrick (thanks and love to AmyW for introducing me to this song a bazillion years ago, when she sent me a mix CD on which it was included... 💓)

BOOK:  Recipes for a Sacred Life: True Stories and a Few Miracles by Rivvy Neshama

POEM:  Happiness (Reconsidered) by Judith Viorst

Happiness

Is a clean bill of health from the doctor,

And the kids shouldn't move back home for

more than a year,

And not being audited, overdrawn, in Wilkes-Barre,

in a lawsuit or in traction.

Happiness

Is falling asleep without Valium,

And having two breasts to put in my brassiere,

And not (yet) needing to get my blood pressure lowered,

my eyelids raised or a second opinion.

And on Saturday nights

When my husband and I have rented

Something with Fred Astaire for the VCR,

And we're sitting around in our robes discussing,

The state of the world, back exercises, our Keoghs,

And whether to fix the transmission or buy a new car,

And we're eating a pint of rum-raisin ice cream

on the grounds that

Tomorrow we're starting a diet of fish, fruit and grain,

And my dad's in Miami dating a very nice widow,

And no one we love is in serious trouble or pain,

And our bringing-up-baby days are far behind us,

But our senior-citizen days have not begun,

It's not what I called happiness

When I was twenty-one,

But it's turning out to be

What happiness is.

QUOTE:  "Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now.  Live it, feel it, cling to it.  I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted." ~ Sylvia Plath

Happy (Pharrell Williams)

Confession Time.  I've lost my concentration again.  I scaled back my walking because it had gotten so hot and, although I'm still doing yoga, my treks around the complex are now few and far between.  I'm still eating healthy, but crappy food is finding its way back into my day on a more-than-a-treat basis.  Of course, all of this is affecting my sleep patterns, blood pressure, and blood sugar, as well as my mental health, which then becomes a self-confidence issue, and I'm kinda one big ball of insecurities right now.

I was doing so very well but, when I'm feeling good and/or complimented, I have a tendency to self-sabotage.  Yesterday was the first day of April and I smacked the proverbial fool I'd become and re-acquainted myself with my inner Wise Woman, channeling Cher in Moonstruck:  "Snap out of it!".

Back to moving my body on a regular basis.  A return to checkmarks in my Daily Dozen app.  Resurrecting regular phone chats/visits with friends.  More consistent blogging (which I have vowed to do for April anyway, since it's National Poetry Month).  In search of a volunteer opportunity.  In a nutshell:  Radical.  Self-Care.  Again!  Oh, and no more "accidentally vegan" thin mints... 😆

As is tradition, five items below of beauty, interest, and humor to brighten your day/weekend/week.  Enjoy!

~ Over 3 Million People Took This Course on Happiness. Here’s What Some Learned:  It may seem simple, but it bears repeating: sleep, gratitude and helping other people. (my bold!)

~ The January “Show Spotlight” segment from BROADWAY PROFILES WITH TAMSEN FADAL, shines a light on the 2019 Tony Award-winning best musical HADESTOWN. Host Tamsen Fadal catches up with the show's Tony-winning creators Anaïs Mitchell and Rachel Chavkin about their long road to creating the Tony-winning musical plus the excitement of taking the show on tour.

~ Super Bowl: Stephen Colbert Enlists Tom Hanks, Sam Elliott for an Ad Supporting a Local Bookstore in North Carolina (thanks to Nancy and Judi for the heads-up on this!)

~ SPUD GINGER LEMONGRASS VODKA:  Light, mouthwatering & flavorful, this vodka features a fleeting sweetness at first, though it's soon taken over by a woody lemongrass note, followed by spicy ginger on the finish. Use for Asian-inspired drinks, or pair alongside Asian dishes. (where can I find this locally?!?)

~  WFUV's QUESTION OF THE DAY:  SPRING AWAKENING:  It's Benham Jones in for Corny O'Connell. Settling into this weekend high on the promise of a bright future because tomorrow it is officially SPRING! The tail slap of the post-pandemic winter has been heavy on us all but let's keep our eyes (and ears) on the prize: in honor of tomorrow's equinox, we are looking for songs that name-check the most elusive of seasons. (I meant to post this two weeks ago!).

SONG:  Happy by Pharrell Williams

BOOK:  Happy Is the New Healthy by Joan Neehall PhD

POEM:  Subject Matter by Hal Sirowitz

The reason you don't have much

to talk about, my therapist said, is

because you're not doing anything. If I

stayed in my room all day, I'd have

nothing to talk about, either. You should

go to a dance, & even if you don't meet anyone,

you can at least describe to me what it was like,

which I'd find interesting, because I don't

go out anymore. I'm not trying to sway you.

If you insist on talking about nothing,

I'd still listen, but I'm convinced you'll be

much happier if you had something to talk about.

QUOTE:  "It's a conscious decision to choose your priorities every day." ~ Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Pie for Breakfast (Ellis Delaney)

[thanks to PeterF for this wonderful graphic!]

It is Memorial Day, a federal holiday in the United States for honoring and mourning military personnel who have died while serving in the United States Armed Forces. I should be using In Flanders Fields (which I recall memorizing in sixth grade) as today's poem. Thank you for your service... ❤

Obviously, no picnics are happening, both because of the coronavirus as well as the torrential downpours experienced today and yesterday.  I continue to be in hibernation mode, segueing from this weekend's Sex and The City marathon to The Starless Sea novel, which still captivates.  We were supposed to have a family meet-up this morning and now, instead, hubby and I will pop over to the Hollybrook library (like I need more books, right?), which re-opens today.  One person at a time. Understood.  One of us will browse, while the other stands in the doorway, then switch...  :-)

Had the most wonderful experience Saturday night, when I was invited by my long-time friend BrianW (The Breadman!) to a Virtual Campfire of Camp Jews Don't Camp (his tribe in real-life every year at the Kerrville Folk Festival, which normally begins every Memorial Day weekend and goes on for 18 days).  What?!?  Yes!  I went once, in 1999 (with BW), only for the weekend, and the memories are forever warm and vivid.

So, Brian and a few friends organized an event on Zoom, from 10 p.m. to after midnight, one tune per person, just like a song circle, which takes place post-festival until the wee hours.  I was mostly there for those whose music I've loved and admired for decades:  Eric Schwartz, Annie Wenz, Eric Gerber, Ellis Delaney, Cliff Eberhardt, David LaMotte, Chris Chandler, Dan Pelletier, Chuck Brodsky, Gina Forsyth, Gregg Cagno... and semi-newbies Kirsten Maxwell, Kora Feder, Scott Cook, Louise Mosrie, Shanna in a Dress.  The songs pendulumed between hilarious and heartwarming, and I finally broke my two-month non-drinking streak with some hibiscus-cucumber sparkling sake I had in the fridge (hey, I wasn't alone, right?).  The entire evening was positively (on so many levels) soul-filling, and Brian did such a great job coordinating and emceeing.  I was so wired that, when I finally opted out about 1 a.m., I staying up for another two hours watching the aforementioned SATC marathon (the second-time-around Aidan years:  "you broke my heart!!!").

Speaking of Ellis, before she sang the subject song (my new sig line)...

"strange days we're living in, 
like some kind of dream
we've got the world in our pocket, 
popping up on little screens
I've got a distracted mind, 
wrapped up in a restless heart
how do we break free to see the lighter side 
of the way things are?"

...she related it to the times we were in, stating that people were baking now more than ever.  Oooh, pie!  This recipe sounds yum, and easily veganized...  :-)


SONG:  Pie for Breakfast by Ellis Delaney

BOOK:  Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

POEM:  Self by James Oppenheim

Once I freed myself of my duties to tasks and people and went down to the cleansing sea...
The air was like wine to my spirit,
The sky bathed my eyes with infinity,
The sun followed me, casting golden snares on the tide,
And the ocean—masses of molten surfaces, faintly
      gray-blue—sang to my heart...

Then I found myself, all here in the body and brain, and all there on the shore:
Content to be myself: free, and strong, and enlarged:
Then I knew the depths of myself were the depths of space.
And all living beings were of those depths (my brothers and sisters)
And that by going inward and away from duties, cities, street-cars and greetings,
I was dipping behind all surfaces, piercing cities and people,
And entering in and possessing them, more than a brother,
The surge of all life in them and in me...

So I swore I would be myself (there by the ocean)
And I swore I would cease to neglect myself, but would take myself as my mate,
Solemn marriage and deep: midnights of thought to be:
Long mornings of sacred communion, and twilights of talk,
Myself and I, long parted, clasping and married till death.

QUOTE:  "The only cure I have ever known for fear and doubt and loneliness is an immense love of self." ~ Alison Malee

High Steppin' (The Avett Brothers)

[ Thanks so much to my friend MegHS for this picture!  She knew how much I loved the one of the Boston Common ducklings wearing pussy hats a few years ago, and this was a very thoughtful share...  :-) ]

Emotions are running high, with family as well as friends and, when the going gets tough, the tough go into roly-poly mode... except that yesterday I needed groceries and had vowed not to step foot in a store until all this is over.  I've been talking about using Instacart and finally signed up ($99 annual fee; peace of mind priceless).  Placed two orders, one for our household and one for my friend R (a snowbird who is "stuck" here until things are improved enough for her to go home to Maryland).  The process is easy-peasy, choosing items from the Publix website to add to your cart (they even give you a heads-up when something is BOGO, so you can add the second item to qualify). The app tells you when your shopper is in the store, what they suggest as a replacement (if your first choice is not available), when they are checking out, and when they are on the way to your home.  Instacart adds a 5% tip (which goes to the shopper) to the credit card you have on file, and Googling the process recommends adding another 5% in cash at the door (gladly).  This is a gamechanger!  Lysa was amazing.  She made substitutions where necessary, was so nice, and complimented us on our healthy eating, despite the Wise chips variety pack (I give my husband the non-vegan ones) and the Sweet Lorens cookie dough on the list!  We are stocked up for at least another two weeks.

Confession that, in addition to the earrings I bought a few weeks ago on Amazon, I also purchased The newest Avett Brothers CD, Closer Than Together, and the round-trip of delivering R's groceries was the perfect time to give it a listen.  Wow!  I could probably use each and every song as a title for the next 12 blog posts (is that a challenge, Susan?).  I segued from sniffling to welling to full-out weeping.  I enjoyed an all-Avett-Brothers Spotify playlist on my walk yesterday afternoon, and my legs were already twitching to pound the pavement, especially to such thoughtful music.

P.S.  Whenever I am on my way to pick up (for a music- or food-related outing), or drop off something, I always text R that I am "crossing Cleary" (the main street near her home) to let her know I am close.  She suggested we write a song with that title.  It could very well happen...  :-)

SONG:  High Steppin' by The Avett Brothers

BOOK:  Make Way for Ducklings 75th Anniversary Edition by Robert McCloskey

POEM:  When Giving Is All We Have by Alberto Ríos

                                              One river gives
                                              Its journey to the next.

We give because someone gave to us.
We give because nobody gave to us.

We give because giving has changed us.
We give because giving could have changed us.

We have been better for it,
We have been wounded by it—

Giving has many faces: It is loud and quiet,
Big, though small, diamond in wood-nails.

Its story is old, the plot worn and the pages too,
But we read this book, anyway, over and again:

Giving is, first and every time, hand to hand,
Mine to yours, yours to mine.

You gave me blue and I gave you yellow.
Together we are simple green. You gave me

What you did not have, and I gave you
What I had to give—together, we made

Something greater from the difference.

QUOTE:  "To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him." ~ Buddha

Don't Need Much to Be Happy (Mary Chapin Carpenter)

Thinking about instituting Feel Good Friday but, oops, that was three days ago!  Well, consider it retroactive and, moving forward, a new Optimistic Voices blogging ritual...  :-)

Throughout the course of the week, I run across so many good articles that I share with my family, and then save to share here.  We're all in this together, right?

Why you're doing less but sleeping more during the coronavirus pandemic


Is Miami buying more booze during coronavirus quarantine? We have the receipts


‘I Just Need the Comfort’: Processed Foods Make a Pandemic Comeback


Love in the Time of Corona:  A Social Distancing Art Exhibition


Brandi Carlile Pays Tribute to John Prine With ‘Hello in There’ on ‘Colbert’ (thanks, RobbyG!)


Oh, remember those earrings I bought a few weeks ago, in my one-time weakness to retail therapy?  I am wearing them every day, because they make me feel joy, and as a reminder that we will experience normalcy again...  :-)

From MCC:

As we enter another week of lockdown, it’s hard to remember what day it is around here.  But no matter, as long as we #staythefuckhome, we have songs to play…we really don’t need much, do we?

Home means everything to me.  And never more than it has in these strange days we are now inhabiting. Today I saw the lilac bushes blooming, while the daffodils are nearly done and the peony shoots are coming up ... the cycle of life continues as spring brings us its bounty, reminding us that this world is still beautiful.

Nature stays mighty, and so do we.  



SONG:  Don't Need Much to Be Happy by Mary Chapin Carpenter

BOOK:  HumanKind: Changing the World One Small Act At a Time by Brad Aronson

POEM:  Pandemania by Daniel Halpern

There are fewer introductions
In plague years,
Hands held back, jocularity
No longer bellicose,
Even among men.
Breathing’s generally wary,
Labored, as they say, when
The end is at hand.
But this is the everyday intake
Of   the imperceptible life force,
Willed now, slow —
Well, just cautious
In inhabited air.
As for ongoing dialogue,
No longer an exuberant plosive
To make a point,
But a new squirreling of air space,
A new sense of  boundary.
Genghis Khan said the hand
Is the first thing one man gives
To another. Not in this war.
A gesture of  limited distance
Now suffices, a nod,
A minor smile or a hand
Slightly raised,
Not in search of   its counterpart,
Just a warning within
The acknowledgment to stand back.
Each beautiful stranger a barbarian
Breathing on the other side of the gate.

QUOTE:  "Let us be about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and every decade worth looking forward to." ~ Greg Anderson

Reelin' in the Years (Steely Dan)

I am having a deja vu moment, in that I popped back onto my blog in January 2013 to resurrect it and then nothing, until today, seven years and 25 days later, I am making the same attempt.  Let's hope it sticks this time!

Allow me to re-introduce myself.  I'm Susan.  Wife/Mom/Lala, vegan, fanatical reader, music lover, eternal optimist.  I not only retired from my office job in June 2019, but also the booking/presenting of a 14-year folk and acoustic concert series.  I said to someone the other day that I've been scraping so many things off my proverbial plate lately that I almost don't even need a plate anymore...  :-)

At midnight on New Year's Eve, I deactivated my Facebook account, and I was a bit nervous.  Trying more to *Be Here, Now* (thanks, Ram Dass!).  It's actually been very liberating and exciting, catching up on reading and sleeping, and accomplishing much on my shorter-every-day To Do List, without the need to check the little blue f icon.

Still not sure if it's temporary (at least until the end of this month) or permanent, but I don't have to decide that yet.  However, I *really* missed writing on a regular basis, hence my move back to blogging.  I've always fancied myself to be a good writer, as well as a worshipper of words in most forms and fashion.  My goal is #9 of 40 Resolutions for 2020 by Ellis Paul (musician):

"Write. Then write again. Write songs and letters, quotes and notes, scribbles and doodles, to do’s and don’ts, lines with rhymes, lyrics and scripts, limericks and puns and one liner quips, zingers and ringers that spin round a phrase, and grocery list stories that run off the page. Write novels that grovel, unstable fables, a treatise of words that could break an oak table, a haiku, a sonnet, a speech, a play, a love song that takes the world’s tears all away. Write graffiti that makes a beating heart rush, write something so dirty Bukowski would blush, write comedies, jokes, and twenty act plays, tragedies with maladies only Shakespeare would say. Write like you’re bailing a boat with a cup, write like your pencil will never give up."

Sooooo much to catch you all up on.  Happy 2020 (what a f*cking great metaphor, right?), and Welcome (back)!

P.S.  I don't have Photobucket anymore to host my pictures, so I am leaving the ones on my past posts with their watermark, not having time to go back and fix them all.  Moving forward...  :-)


SONG:  Reelin' in the Years by Steely Dan

BOOK:  Becoming by Michelle Obama

POEM: Good Bones by Maggie Smith

Life is short, though I keep this from my children.
Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine
in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways,
a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways
I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least
fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative
estimate, though I keep this from my children.
For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird.
For every loved child, a child broken, bagged,
sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world
is at least half terrible, and for every kind
stranger, there is one who would break you,
though I keep this from my children. I am trying
to sell them the world. Any decent realtor,
walking you through a real shithole, chirps on
about good bones: This place could be beautiful,
right? You could make this place beautiful.

QUOTE:  "In my later years, I have looked in the mirror each day and found a happy person staring back. Occasionally I wonder why I can be so happy. The answer is that every day of my life I've worked only for myself and for the joy that comes from writing and creating. The image in my mirror is not optimistic, but the result of optimal behavior." ~ Ray Bradbury

You've Got to Have Friends (Bette Midler)

Entirely too much going on this week to post anything of substance - realtors and moving trucks and estate accounts, oh my!

Will attempt to do justice to the life I am lucky to call my own, both here in Flowery Branch, Georgia... and soon to be returning to South Florida - in the meantime, I've been working on the following (since before mom passed, actually)... and wanted to scatter the seeds now... :-)

TUT: A Note From the Universe (7/16/09)

Every single minute of every single day, they're there, Susan. They may be hidden behind circumstances, people, or light poles. Challenges, closed doors, or lost keys. Camouflaged, dovetailed, or whispering. Purring, kissing, or hissing. But more often than not they're laying about in the open, under a clear blue sky, in plain view. Absolutely. Guaranteed. You'd throttle me otherwise. 10,000 reasons to be happy.

Jumanji, baby -

The Universe

Susan, how many do you see now??

SONG: You've Got to Have Friends by Bette Midler

BOOK: Vital Friends: The People You Can't Afford to Live Without by Tom Rath

POEM: When My Mind is Still by Paul Beattie

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,

I remember things too easily forgotten:

The purity of early love,

The maturity of unselfish love that asks --

desires -- nothing but another's good,

The idealism that has persisted through all the tempest of life.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,

I can find a quiet assurance, an inner peace, in the core of my being.

It can face the doubt, the loneliness, the anxiety,

Can accept these harsh realities and can even grow

Because of these challenges to my essential being.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,

I can sense my basic humanity,

And then I know that all men and women are my brothers and sisters.

Nothing but my own fear and distrust can separate me from the love of friends.

If I can trust others, accept them, enjoy them,

Then my life shall surely be richer and more full.

If I can accept others, this will help them to be more truly themselves,

And they will be more able to accept me.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,

I know how much life has given me:

The history of the race, friends and family,

The opportunity to work, the chance to build myself.

Then wells within me the urge to live more abundantly,

With greater trust and joy,

With more profound seriousness and earnest service,

And yet more calmly at the heart of life.

QUOTE: "Good friends and excellent teachers -stick close to them! Wealth and power are fleeting dreams but wise words perfume the world for ages." ~ Ryokan

Shiny Happy People (R.E.M.)

From Thursday's TUT (Totally Unique Thoughts):

Simply imagine happiness, Susan, your own happiness. Feel the smile stretching across your face, notice the lightness in your step, hear the sparkle in your voice, and all things, material and spiritual, will dance to the beat of your drums.

Happy Thursday! The Universe

You smiled didn't you, Susan? Just be careful with those sparkles so close to the drums.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been working on this blog entry for days, but keep getting distracted (look, something shiny!) - I'm still in "full plate" mode, feeling as if I'm doing lots of things poorly.

However, one thing I *do* excel at is The Power of Positive Thinking - when a friend sent me the above video, I knew it was the jumping-off place for a future post (and here we are) - wish I had the time/energy to add more of my own words... but I'll just ask you to read between the lines... :-)

P.S. SMM here, here, here, here and here...

SONG: Shiny Happy People by R.E.M.

BOOK: Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out by Marci Shimoff

POEM: The Guest House by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

QUOTE(S): " A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes." ~ Hugh Downs

"I have found that if you love life, life will love you back." ~ Arthur Rubinstein

"It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily. "So it is." "And freezing." "Is it?" "Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately." ~ A.A. Milne

Let's Start the New Year Right (Bing Crosby)

For 2009, A Happiness Action Plan
Dr. Sandra R. Scantling
December 28, 2008

Every New Year's Eve, as the clock ticks its remaining few seconds and the ball in Times Square begins its descent, I feel excitement and trepidation. It doesn't seem to matter where I happen to be celebrating. Be it a big party or quietly at home with my husband (and Dick Clark, of course), my reactions are the same.

Like so many others, when the final countdown begins, I want to "be there" to witness the birth of the New Year. At that instant, at the juxtaposition of old and new, I feel compelled to hold on, to pay special attention, as a voice inside whispers: "This is it ... this is all there will be in 2008. The record is sealed."

Amid the joy and celebration, there is a solemnity as I reflect on my personal responsibilities and wonder, "What will the coming year bring? What is my role in making it a happy year?"

Aristotle said: "Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence." It is one of the most often wished for, most frequently written about and most poorly understood experience. There are thousands of texts on the subject, from the wise to the mundane, from spiritual guidance to self-help — but happiness still often eludes us.

Although I'm a sex therapist, most couples come to see me because they'd like to be happier. They know this can't be all there is in life. Arguing and work. Where's the joy? Where's the passion? they ask.

As they look across my office at their partner and make blaming statements, like "you never tell me you love me any more" or "you always wait for me to initiate sex," they ignore the hurt looks that result. Each party feels slighted and often defensive. Even if they sound like they're taking responsibility — "Yes, I admit it, I'm not a very expressive person, but I've always been this way ... " — it sometimes comes out as justification for their behavior. And, in case you haven't noticed, nagging, complaining or finger pointing only builds resentment and hostility. I've never heard a patient say, "I finally decided to change because my partner yelled at me in a convincing enough way."

So I can hear you asking, "What am I supposed to do? I deserve to be happy."

Yes you do. So why aren't you? Who is responsible for your happiness?

Perhaps you are the person stopping yourself from being happy. How do you feel when you think about acting differently to achieve happiness? Maybe you're annoyed at the suggestion of changing, a case of "Here we go again; I have to do it all. If only he wasn't so cold, selfish, controlling (fill in the adjectives), things would be fine." I can guarantee he's thinking the same thing.

This is a fruitless struggle that leaves both partners exhausted. No wonder you're tired and don't have any energy left to make love.

The New Year is the perfect time to experiment — when the calendar resets, we're given a chance for a "do-over." Instead of making the usual resolutions, create a happiness action plan. Then follow through. Find where happiness is present in your lives, and do more of it. Remember something you're grateful for in your partner that you haven't acknowledged. Then tell them. Laugh and smile more often.

As this challenging year comes to a close, and we make our personal wishes for health, peace, prosperity and happiness, it's comforting to know that people all over the globe are wishing for the same things. As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Happy New Year!

My husband and I are keeping it fairly low-key tonight - although we've had at least three invitations to various get-togethers, we're probably going to a movie and then home to drink champagne in the jacuzzi. Can't help but feel somber about my mom and Vic, two people who have lived their lives fully but are now struggling - I know they'd advocate Carpe Diem (and I'll do that tomorrow, I promise), but tonight solitude and close companionship seems more appropriate...

P.S. Over at Star Maker Machine, we're paying tribute to musicians who have passed on in 2008 (my contribution can be found here) - condolences and blessings to all who left us throughout the year...

SONG: Let's Start the New Year Right as sung by Bing Crosby (written by Irving Berlin for the movie Holiday Inn)

BOOK: The New Year by Pearl S. Buck

POEM: If I Had My Life to Live Over by Nadine Stair (85 years old)

I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.
I'd relax, I would limber up.
I would be sillier than I have been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances.

I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would perhaps have more actual troubles,
but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

You see, I'm one of those people who live
sensibly and sanely hour after hour,
day after day.

Oh, I've had my moments,
And if I had it to do over again,
I'd have more of them.
In fact, I'd try to have nothing else.
Just moments, one after another,
instead of living so many years ahead of each day.

I've been one of those people who never goes anywhere
without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat
and a parachute.
If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances.
I would ride more merry-go-rounds.
I would pick more daisies.

QUOTE: “The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” ~ Samuel Johnson

Face Lift (Joni Mitchell)

Happiness
'rubs off on others'
BBC News
December 5, 2008

Happiness is infectious and can "ripple" through social groups, according to US researchers.

A study of 5,000 adults suggests a person's happiness is dependent on the happiness of those around them.

A friend who becomes happy and lives less than a mile away increases your likelihood of happiness by 25%, the British Medical Journal reported.

But the mood of work colleagues did not have an effect, the Harvard Medical School-led study found.

The researchers used data on adults who took part in the US Framingham Heart Study - set up to look at the risks leading to future heart disease - between 1971 and 2003.

Participants were asked to identify their relatives, close friends, place of residence, and place of work and were followed up every two to four years.

They were also asked whether they agreed with statements on whether they enjoyed life, felt hopeful about the future, were happy and felt they were just as good as other people.

It was found that live-in partners who become happy increased the likelihood of their partner being happy by 8% and similar effects were found for siblings living close by (14%) and neighbours (34%).

The relationship between people's happiness levels seemed to extend up to three degrees of separation - to the friend of a friend of a friend.

The analysis also showed that close physical proximity was important for the spread of happiness.

A person was 42% more likely to be happy if a friend who lives less than half a mile away becomes happy - an effect that declined with greater distance.

Study leader Professor Nicholas Christakis said the results suggest clusters of happiness occur because happiness spreads and not just because of a tendency for people to associate with similar individuals.

"Most important from our perspective is the recognition that people are embedded in social networks and that the health and wellbeing of one person affects the health and wellbeing of others."

Trees and woodlands, and living near them tends to make me happy James Shepherd, London
Professor Andrew Steptoe, a psychology expert from University College London, said: "It makes intuitive sense that if people around you are happy that might have an impact on your own happiness.

"What's a bit more surprising is that it's not just the people who you closely come into contact with but people a step removed as well."

He said the work had implications for public health.

"Happiness does seem to be associated with protective effects on health.

"If happiness is indeed transmitted through social connections, it could indirectly contribute to social transmission of health," he said.

P.S. Another SMM...

SONG: Face Lift by Joni Mitchell

BOOK: Makeovers at the Beauty Counter of Happiness by Ilene Beckerman

POEM: The Celestial Surgeon by Robert Louis Stevenson

If I have faltered more or less
In my great task of happiness;
If I have moved among my race
And shown no glorious morning face;
If beams from happy human eyes
Have moved me not; if morning skies,
Books, and my food, and summer rain
Knocked on my sullen heart in vain:-
Lord, thy most pointed pleasure take
And stab my spirit broad awake;
Or, Lord, if too obdurate I,
Choose thou, before that spirit die,
A piercing pain, a killing sin,
And to my dead heart run them in!

QUOTE(S): "Joy is the best makeup." ~ Anne Lamott

"Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." ~ Anne Frank

You Are the Everything (R.E.M.)

It's been a very strange last five days, all of which left me with there-but-for-the-grace-of-god syndrome - despite my recent job loss, I feel pretty lucky right about now...

The father of one of my daughter's best friends lost his two-year battle with cancer last week... and the wake/service was Thursday night - I could not begin to imagine their grief... and their attempt to return to normalcy. I sobbed through it all, my daughter and I holding hands as our hearts broke with each mention of his name, each glance at the family, each memory unfolding from friends' stories - the sweet spot: he lived to see his "little girl" get married a month ago, and we are all convinced he allowed himself to let go soon afterwards...

An acquaintance from church was hit by a car Friday night... and I ended up being the one the paramedics called as they were transporting her to the hospital - I phoned our minister and another friend, who met her there, and they stayed with her overnight until she was released the next morning. I visited the next day, bringing a vat of homemade chicken soup (among other food items)... and doing a bit of cleaning and organizing (more on this in my next post) in her apartment Sunday so she could navigate through the rooms/hallways with her crutches - I also took her to the doctor yesterday, who recommended surgery (which will happen Friday) on her fractured tibia. Long-story-short (too late!, as Nance would say) is that I'm exhausted from caregiving...

On the brighter side, I walked 4 days last week, skipped Friday through Monday (due to the above-mentioned circumstances), and was back out today - I'm addicted again (just hit a vein, baby!). My trek was made even more delightful by the cooler temps (by South Florida standards) - add to that the ssstttrrreeetttccchhhing I've been doing... plus walking the dog (Rocky Raccoon) afterwards... and I'm feeling very proud of my "feed the soul" regimen...

I've also received compliments on my body changes, making me extra-careful not to fall into my typical self-sabotage MO ("oh, people are telling me I look great, therefore I can stop") - rather, I'm just setting incremental goals, knowing that mid-March will be a year since I rededicated to taking better care of myself (with many blips/traps/stumbles along the way... :-)

P.S. Two more SMM posts over the weekend can be found here... and here...

SONG: You Are the Everything by R.E.M.

BOOK: Thanks!: How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier by Robert Emmons

POEM: Sometimes by David Budbill

Sometimes when day after day we have cloudless blue skies,

warm temperatures, colorful trees and brilliant sun, when

it seems like all this will go on forever,

when I harvest vegetables from the garden all day,

then drink tea and doze in the late afternoon sun,

and in the evening one night make pickled beets

and green tomato chutney, the next red tomato chutney,

and the day after that pick the fruits of my arbor

and make grape jam,

when we walk in the woods every evening over fallen leaves,

through yellow light, when nights are cool, and days warm,

when I am so happy I am afraid I might explode or disappear

or somehow be taken away from all this,

at those times when I feel so happy, so good, so alive, so in love

with the world, with my own sensuous, beautiful life, suddenly

I think about all the suffering and pain in the world, the agony

and dying. I think about all those people being tortured, right

now,

in my name. But I still feel happy and good, alive and in love with

the world and with my lucky, guilty, sensuous, beautiful life

because,

I know in the next minute or tomorrow all this may be

taken from me, and therefore I've got to say, right now,

what I feel and know and see, I've got to say, right now,

how beautiful and sweet this world can be.

QUOTE: "The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." ~ Allan K. Chalmers

A Place in the World (Mary Chapin Carpenter)

What do you get when two Leo women delay their Instant Gratification selves and *finally* come together for a co-celebratory birthday lunch? - a 3 1/2 hour yak-, sob- and empa-thon, fueled by multiple glasses of wine, more than a few heartaches/breaks and stories, stories to tell!

I appreciate M for so many reasons... but especially for being a "forever friend" - we experienced our first clicks in March 1997... and have run parallel, perpendicular, intersected and tangential throughout the last 11 years, remaining committed to the choice of staying connected, even when we drift.

Yesterday we conversed non-stop about our children, our partners, our mothers' health, our own physical/emotional/spiritual well-being, our jobs (or lack of, in my case), her cat's passing, my dog's old age, ancient history and present times - it was refreshing, it was empowering, it was much-needed and long-overdue... :-)

Thanks, M, for the perfect card, the gorgeous windchimes and for always being there - I cherish the fact you are a sounding-board, a touchstone and a foundation in my life... <3

SONG: A Place in the World by Mary Chapin Carpenter

BOOK: The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World by Eric Weiner

POEM: Logos by Mary Oliver

Why wonder about the loaves and the fishes?
If you say the right words, the wine expands.
If you say them with love
and the felt ferocity of that love
and the felt necessity of that love,
the fish explode into the many.
Imagine him, speaking,
and don't worry about what is reality,
or what is plain, or what is mysterious.
If you were there, it was all those things.
If you can imagine it, it was all those things.
Eat, drink, be happy.
Accept the miracle.
Accept, too, each spoken word
spoken with love.

QUOTE: "We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." ~ Thornton Wilder

Don't Worry, Be Happy (Bobby McFerrin)

I am most definitely a *wallow* kinda woman... and I am prone to immerse myself in an emotion until I can no longer cry another tear/feel another heart twinge/bear another self-pitying moment - when I finally reach that "life chose me after all" (Dar) epiphany, damn the torpedoes! The lows might be low, but god love those highs - I always manage to find my way through to the other side, with an extensive gratitude list to show for it... :-)

SONG: Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin

BOOK: The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It by David Niven

POEM: Feeling Sorry for Myself by Charles Harper Webb

I start with a groan, swelling to a moan,

rising to a keen, ascending

to a shriek that tapers off in a thin wail.

I hug myself and, whimpering,

rock back and forth on my heels.

No one has ever known such sadness.

No one can grasp how I feel.

I smash an egg over each eye.

I smear my face with coal and pepper.

I wear a paper bag soaked through

with spoiled watermelon and pork grease.

I shred my happy past - my books,

pictures, and poems, published or not.

I'll never fly fish again.

I'll never make love again.

I'll never sit outside and watch night

stretch its starry tent over the sky.

There will be no more metaphors.

I am more sorrowful than a sorrowing man.

Life has no more meaning to me

than a life without meaning.

My heart slows. My blood congeals

to brown, vein-clogging mush.

My stomach goes on strike; my colon

bars its door. People assume

I'm terminal. They imagine what

would make them feel the way I look,

and project their paltry problems onto me.

As if they could fathom my misery

by waterwinging over its abyss!

My pain is too heavy to lift,

too vast to measure, too ineffable to name,

and incalculably too precious to share.

I dig my grave in a landfill, and topple in.

I rub dirt and dog droppings in my hair.

I've sunk so low it's funny; so I start to giggle.

Then to chortle. Then to roar. Mothers

clutch their bleating kids, and rush away.

Gangbangers dash to the far side of the street.

I crawl out of my grave, strip, and shower

with a gunk-filled water hose.

I shake and shiver, grinning, in the filthy air.

QUOTE: "What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life." ~ Leo Buscaglia

Happy All the Time (Danny Schmidt)

A touring musician friend I used to book gigs for also runs a record distribution company - he's exposed to so many amazing artists on a regular basis and, just like the E. F. Hutton ad... when A speaks, I listen! He told me about Danny Schmidt a few years ago and I've been listening ever since - in fact, I took part of my commission in DS CDs once but, I am so enamored of the latest, Parables and Primes, I haven't yet moved on to listen to the other two. Danny's lyrics are just brilliant and this CD is perfectly produced, both tastefully and minimally - I would love to bring him to Florida in the next year or so. I haven't even had the pleasure of seeing him live - it's something to look forward to (and I love the pun in the fifth verse of this song... :-)

SONG: Happy All the Time by Danny Schmidt

BOOK: Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter

POEM: Undelivered Mail by Rhina P. Espaillat

Dear Daughter,
Your father and I wish to commend you
on the wisdom of your choices
and the flawless conduct of your life

Dear Poet!
Where is the full-length manuscript
you promised us? Your check is waiting
The presses are ready
and the bookstores are clamoring for delivery

Darling,
This convention is tedious
beyond belief: the hotel is swarming
with disgustingly overexposed women
far too young to have dignity
or any minds at all

Dear Patient:
The results of your blood tests reveal
that your problem stems from
a diet dangerously low
in pizza and chocolate

Dear Mom,
You were right about everything
and I was an idiot not to listen

QUOTE: "Happiness is permanent. It is always there. What comes and goes is unhappiness. If you identify with what comes and goes, you will be unhappy. If you identify with what is permanent and always there, you are happiness itself." ~ Unknown