Stay Gentle (Brandi Carlile)

[Art by the amazing A. Silivonchik]

First of all, I need to stop apologizing that I I haven't posted in two days, two weeks, two months.  Ack... and oh f*cking well!  Life has been blissfully, joyfully, delightfully... well... full... 😄

Case in point:  my 68th birthday was this past Friday (August 5).  I spent the morning in the Hope Garden, then most of the rest of the day at my laptop, and posted the following a few minutes before midnight (here's the fundraiser I created to benefit The Caring Community, which has changed my life over the last year.  My goal was $200, which has, only four days in, more than doubled... 💖):

" “There’s a particular feeling in your body when something goes right after a long time of things going wrong. It feels warm and sweet and loose... For a moment all my bees have turned to honey.” ~ Lily King, Writers & Lovers

Thanks again to my friends and family for contributing (via your posts and comments, text messages, phone calls, fundraiser donations, gifts, etc.) to one of the best birthdays I've had in a very long time.  Many of you know I deactivated my Susan Moss account in late-December 2019, meaning I went two years without fanfare, until I was encouraged to create a "ghost" profile (Daisy!) for my gardening presence.  Despite its many frustrations and glitches, there is really just nothing like a Facebook birthday!  I am grateful to you all for making me feel loved and appreciated... 🌼

This aging thing is not for the faint of heart but, so far, I still have my original knees, hips, shoulders... as well as eyes, lungs, and kidneys (none of which I take for granted).  I'd like to think I have also retained my generosity of spirit, my unrelenting optimism, my joie de vivre.  I can even get out in the garden every week, although this summer's heat has taken its toll on my endurance.  Biggest lesson:  Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!

Actually, no; it's Expectations.  Inheritance from my mom + Leo tendencies = disaster.  One of my major life lessons in the last decade has been letting go of them (I have slips now and then), and I find that life is easier and I am happier as a result.  New Day, Tabula Rasa, Starting Over has become a mantra.  I am also working harder to re-set my boundaries, such that everyone's default is based on a respectful, loving place.  If we model it, they will come (around...  😍)

As Joni sings:  

"Calendars of our lives circled with compromise

Sweet bird of time and change, you must be laughing..."

So am I! "

And then this:

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY, week beginning August 4, copyright 2022 by Rob Brezsny

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the coming weeks, Leo, I urge you to always be confident that YOU ARE THE PARTY! Everywhere you go, bring the spirits of fun and revelry. Be educationally entertaining and entertainingly educational. Amuse yourself by making life more interesting for everyone. At the same time, be kind and humble, never arrogant or insensitive. A vital part of your assignment is to nourish and inspire others with your radiance and charm. That formula will ensure you get everything you need. I foresee bounty flowing your way! PS: Regularly reward your admirers and followers with your magnanimous Chesire-cat grin.

And this:  August 5 birthdays:  Neil Armstrong, Wendell Berry, Loni Anderson, Rick Derringer, Maureen McCormick, Mark O'Connor (to name the ones I recognize!)

P.S.  Cynthia is throwing a Croning Party for me next week, which will most certainly be blogworthy... ✌ 💥 💞

SONG:  Stay Gentle by Brandi Carlile

BOOK:  To The Women: words to live by... by Donna Ashworth

POEM(S):  Change the Way You See by Donna Ashworth

I don’t have crow’s feet,

I have happy happy memories of laughing with friends until the tears flowed.

I don’t have frown lines,

I have the marks of my frustration and confusion, which I battled through, smiling in the end.

I am not going grey,

I have shimmering highlights of wisdom, dashed throughout my silver hair.

I don’t have scars,

I have symbols of the strength I was able to find, when life got tough.

I don’t have stretch marks,

I have the marks of growth and the marks of motherhood. My womanly evolution.

I am not fat,

I bear the evidence of a life filled with abundance, blessings and good times.

I am not just forgetful,

I have a mind so full of stories, memories and moments there is scarce room to hold much else.

I am not old,

I am blessed, with a life of great length, something not everyone can say.

Don’t change the way you look my friend,

change the way you see,

change the way you see.

home body by rupi kaur

give me laugh lines and wrinkles

i want proof of the jokes we shared

engrave the lines into my face like

the roots of a tree that grow deeper

with each passing year

i want sunspots as souvenirs

for the beaches we laid on

i want to look like i was

never afraid to let the world

take me by the hand

and show me what it’s made of

i want to leave this place knowing

i did something with my body

other than trying to

make it look perfect

QUOTE(S):  “I want to live the rest of my life, however long or short, with as much sweetness as I can decently manage, loving all the people I love, and doing as much as I can of the work I still have to do. I am going to write fire until it comes out of my ears, my eyes, my noseholes, everywhere. Until it's every breath I breathe. I'm going to go out like a fucking meteor!” ~ Audre Lorde

"I was pondering yesterday why I am enjoying getting older so very much. I think it's because of this fact: That unless you are making a sincere effort to wake up early every single morning and work hard at staying stupid, then you are probably — just by sheer default — getting smarter as you age. (Because seriously — you've gotta REALLY not be paying attention to life, to not be getting even a little bit more wise as you go along.) All that I have ever wanted and longed for was to be wiser, smarter, more clear, more peaceful, more expansive, more prepared for life. The years are bringing that intelligence, my dears... the years are bringing it at last. (And not a moment too soon, may I add.) I look forward to all that I have yet to learn. I plan to keep paying attention, and to let it all in. Stronger by the year, better by the day. It's awesome." ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

I've Just Seen a Face (The Beatles)

My friend request message, sent over the last day and a half: "It's officially The Apocalypse - I've joined Facebook!" - loosely translated: "What in the f*ck did I just do?!?" I finally signed up so that I could view my daughter's Europe pictures and live vicariously through her experience - I never envisioned quite such a headfirst tumble down the rabbit hole...

I have been fighting Facebook kicking and screaming for years - my main defense/objection has been... if I can't keep up with the "real people" in my life (and I'm always in overwhelmed mode), how in the world can I made the time to connect/reconnect with friends all over the country/world... not to mention acquaintances from my past?

I have a MySpace account (begun in December 2007) but, really, it's in the name of my concert series - it isn't about me personally at all, but rather a good PR tool to promote, and keep up with, the music...

I also have this blog, started in May 2007 - I use it as a journal/scrapbook/exercise in creativity. I'd like to post more often but seem to lose track of time - comments from readers (what readers?) are immaterial to me, as I'm really just downloading what's in my heart/brain/soul at the moment...

But Facebook? - in my less-than-48-hours experience with the social network, I have learned that it is truly In Your (or My) Face! It has been a pendulum from fun to frightening and back again... as I vowed to start out slow... which snowballed into "just one more" (friend, that is) - it's exhilarating to read all the repeated "welcome" messages (makes me think of Dar's "we're so glad that you finally made it here" lyric)... but it's exhausting to consider the effort it takes to reply and follow-up... not to mention the trepidation of opening various Pandora's Boxes...

High School? - ack! Suffice it to say, since it was 68-72, my memories are vague - I recall being high every day of my senior year, yet making the Honor Roll every quarter. I remember football games (with dances following), a handful of amazing girlfriends and being on the annual staff as well as head of props for our senior play, "The Matchmaker" - I also recall tubing down the Chattahoochee River (with a beer cooler in tow), a few special guy relationships... but also a less-than-full social calendar. I can't remember who I was back then - even more interesting, part of me is now wondering who I was in the eyes of others (in terms of The Breakfast Club... I was more Ally Sheedy than Molly Ringwald... :-)

So... although, as I said in a reply earlier today, "balance is not my strong suit", I have vowed to enjoy the experience while still motivating myself to handle all the day-to-day stuff it's easy to let slip by the proverbial wayside - I have to finish the folk club newsletter (already 4 days late), clean house tomorrow for dinner guests... and prepare for the concert I'm presenting Saturday night (not to mention catch up on various e-mails owed)...

In the meantime, though... I'm delighted at the thought of so many special people (friends and family) from all aspects of my life being in one place - it's a big-*ss cross-pollination... and I can't help but sport a broad smile across my (I should be reading a Book) Face (although I'm wary of the poke, whatever the h*ll that is... :-)

SONG: I've Just Seen a Face by The Beatles

BOOK(S): Ophelia Joined the Group Maidens Who Don't Float: Classic Lit Signs on to Facebook by Sarah Schmelling

Facebook Me! A Guide to Having Fun with Your Friends and Promoting Your Projects on Facebook by Dave Awl

POEM: Remember by Joy Harjo

Remember the sky that you were born under,
know each of the star's stories.
Remember the moon, know who she is. I met her
in a bar once in Iowa City.
Remember the sun's birth at dawn, that is the
strongest point of time. Remember sundown
and the giving away to night.
Remember your birth, how your mother struggled
to give you form and breath. You are evidence of
her life, and her mother's, and hers.
Remember your father. He is your life also.
Remember the earth whose skin you are:
red earth, black earth, yellow earth, white earth
brown earth, we are earth.
Remember the plants, trees, animal life who all have their
tribes, their families, their histories, too. Talk to them,
listen to them. They are alive poems.
Remember the wind. Remember her voice. She knows the
origin of this universe. I heard her singing Kiowa war
dance songs at the corner of Fourth and Central once.
Remember that you are all people and that all people are you.
Remember that you are this universe and that this universe is you.
Remember that all is in motion, is growing, is you.
Remember that language comes from this.
Remember the dance that language is, that life is.
Remember.

QUOTE: “It’s surprising how much of memory is built around things unnoticed at the time.” ~ Barbara Kingsolver