Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts

Saturday, May 28, 2022

I Am a Mother (Friction Farm)

This was scheduled to be an entirely different post, but then... another school shooting a few days ago.  I just told a friend that I had ramped up from Angry and Sad to Furious and Bereft.  So many deep and layered feelings but, for right now, I defer to the statement released by The Caring Community (my loving, gardening, helping family of choice), who always know exactly what to say:

"We are deeply saddened today by the news of the latest school shooting, this time at Robb Elementary in Uvalde, Texas.  The Caring Community was founded to serve teachers as a result of the Parkland tragedy, and every teacher and family in South Florida will be feeling the echoes, reliving the pain.  Our hearts are heavy as well as broken to see these things happen over and over. We can only do what we can do to make a difference. Some things are out of our control.

The unimaginable pain of 21 families, the heartbreak and despair of parents and teachers everywhere reverberates loudly in our community. It is hard to see beyond the horror, to imagine a day when school shootings will never happen again. Rage, hopelessness, and fear are some responses we might feel to yet another tragedy in our schools.  We just want to tell our community, and most especially our teachers and school staff, that we love them. We hope you lean on each other, that you reach out to your amazing EAP (Employee Assistance Program) if you are feeling overwhelmed by it all and that you know that, although you've probably never met any of us, we deeply honor the service you give to our children and our community. We hold onto the hope that this must be the very last time that communities suffer violence like this in any school, anywhere.

No child should ever be fearful of going to school nor should any parent or caregiver fear dropping their child off to school. Our teachers everywhere are under a great deal of stress; no one ever thought that teaching children and young adults everyday would be putting their lives on the line. And yet, we still can't get the gun reform we need or the mental health help for those who desperately need it. How many more lives do we have to lose?"

Oh, yeah... and to paraphrase an all-too-often resurfacing meme:  F*ck Thoughts and Prayers; we need Policy and Change... ✊


POEM(S):  Hymn for the Hurting by Amanda Gorman 

Everything hurts,
Our hearts shadowed and strange,
Minds made muddied and mute.
We carry tragedy, terrifying and true.
And yet none of it is new;
We knew it as home,
As horror,
As heritage.
Even our children
Cannot be children,
Cannot be.

Everything hurts.
It’s a hard time to be alive,
And even harder to stay that way.
We’re burdened to live out these days,
While at the same time, blessed to outlive them.

This alarm is how we know
We must be altered —
That we must differ or die,
That we must triumph or try.
Thus while hate cannot be terminated,
It can be transformed
Into a love that lets us live.

May we not just grieve, but give:
May we not just ache, but act;
May our signed right to bear arms
Never blind our sight from shared harm;
May we choose our children over chaos.
May another innocent never be lost.

Maybe everything hurts,
Our hearts shadowed & strange.
But only when everything hurts
May everything change.

America Is a Gun by Brian Bilston

England is a cup of tea.
France, a wheel of ripened brie.
Greece, a short, squat olive tree.
America is a gun.

Brazil is a football on the sand.
Argentina, Maradona’s hand.
Germany, an oompah band.
America is a gun.

Holland is a wooden shoe.
Hungary, a goulash stew.
Australia, a kangaroo.
America is a gun.

Japan is a thermal spring.
Scotland is a highland fling.
Oh, better to be anything
than America as a gun.


Sorrow by Tim Seibles 

It's not the same
as sadness, though sorrow
has sadness in it---the way {lost}

holds losing: you can see it
in women's eyes when they laugh
and in the way men lean

over their food: after awhile,
we know nearly every love
won't go as it should,

and we know that knowing
cannot make us glad: {knowledge}
stairway to nowhere---we want

the world we cannot have,
and every day the feeling moves
between us, but we try

not to complain and almost
never fall down and cry.

QUOTE(S):  “The time for us to stop mass shootings in this country is right now, right here, today." ~ Beto O'Rourke

“The only thing that can stop a bad politician with a vote is a good citizen with a vote.” ~ Jocelyn Benson, Michigan Secretary of State

Wednesday, July 22, 2020

You've Got a Friend in Me (Randy Newman, from Toy Story)

As promised on Monday, today is all about Colin's birthday celebration.  Two years old?!?  Wow... and Yep!  Despite the pandemic, Sarah planned a most wonderful day of fun and festivities, which took place this past Sunday (a few days before his actual birthday, July 21).  The theme was TWO Infinity and Beyond, as he is totally into Toy Story these days...  :-)

She had decorated the living room with crepe paper streamers, balloons all over the floor, and a Check-Off list of various activities, which delighted Colin as soon as he woke up!  
She had also arranged a Car Parade of various friends (the Besties, their husbands, and children; Nancy, her husband, and dog Lucy; Sarah's former boss, friend, and another co-worker).  We set up a 10' x 10' canopy in her apartment complex parking lot, where there is a natural round-about (all the way at the end, out of the way of traffic), and Sarah used the gates previously known as The Party Pit to keep Colin "contained" (so very smart!).  
Then began the progression of vehicles (from 10:00 to 10:30 a.m.) decorated with balloons, stickers, and people inside blowing horns, waving, and extending Birthday wishes.  He was enthralled!  
 Sarah made a Spotify playlist of songs with Two in the title (my suggestions were Two of Us by The Beatles, The Power of Two by Indigo Girls, Two Princes by The Spin Doctors, Love Me Two Times by The Doors).  Special Events habits die hard, so of course Sarah passed out goody bags with a Moonpie, a Starcrunch, and a few mini-Milky Ways for each person, gracing the children with juice boxes, and the adults with Sunshine beers... ☀

From set-up to breakdown, we were only there three hours, but I was exhausted afterward.  Two-year-olds are busy people!  I spent the rest of the afternoon/evening remembering this time two years ago when Colin came into the world, and feeling such joy being there to witness.  I was meant to be a Lala... 💖



SONGYou've Got a Friend in Me by Randy Newman, from Toy Story)

BOOK:  
Child of the Universe by Ray Jayawardhana, Raul Colón (Illustrator)

POEM:  On Children by Kahlil Gibran


Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.

QUOTE(S):  "
We find delight in the beauty and happiness of children that makes the heart too big for the body." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Who Have You Been (and who are you now) (Carrie Newcomer)



A major update to follow later today or, more likely tomorrow - we were told a nurse/home health aide/caregiver would be coming today so I've waited to discuss yesterday's happenings...

In the meantime, I've been thinking how much caregiving for mom this past week and a half reminds me of the early stages of motherhood - I remember back to those days when my life revolved around someone else and how I needed to approach it with joy rather than resentment in order to maximize action and minimize frustration...

My day now consists of waking up about 8... and listening out for mom to stir (during which time I turn off the front porch light, unlock the front door, bring in the newspaper, unlock and open the back door and make myself a cup of chai) - I sometimes stand in her doorway to see if she's awake... although, when she does wake, she usually turns on the TV (The Today Show) to get herself ready to start her day.

At that point, I start a pot of coffee (she was drinking hot tea before I got here because it was easier) and go back to the bedroom to supervise her first walker-assisted trip of the day to the bathroom - mom spends as much time in there as she needs, slowly changing from her nightgown into the knee-length cotton T-shirts she likes to wear during the day (after I've applied the topical antibiotic to the lesions on her back and upper arms).

Again, when she's ready, I follow her walker-assisted trip into the living room, where mom settles herself into the left-side corner of the couch, remaining most of the day, with the TV on... at full volume - I then make her breakfast (an English muffin with butter and apricot preserves or a bowl of oatmeal or two blueberry waffles with butter and syrup), put it on a tray and bring it to her. I might do an e-mail check at that time, but usually I make up her bed and mine, as well as anything else that might need attending, and sit and chat with her a few minutes to see how she's feeling - when she's finished eating, I take the tray into the kitchen, clean up, make sure the distilled water in the humidifier of the oxygen machine is properly filled and check the flow gauge...

By that time, mom has laid her head down on the arm of the couch for a nap - I might get a few e-mails answered, but I'm constantly prepared for an interruption, whether by phone, front door or her waking. We chat off and on during the morning as I do laundry, prepare our To Do list and generally make myself accessible to follow through however she needs me (find specific paperwork, bring her summer pocketbook to switch over to, help sort through her medication, etc.) - we talk about what she wants for lunch and dinner...

Lunch can be a sandwich or salad, always with fruit since she remains constipated - she will rest again after eating. When she sleeps, she moans... and it scares me - I might try to work at the computer again, but I can never really concentrate because I'm worried and therefore constantly attentive to any slight change in breathing. I try to get a shower in then, but it's not always possible - I recall, when my children were infants, that I would put them in their rocker seat and set them on the bathroom floor so I could see them, taking the quickest shower in history and talking to them throughout. I wish I could do that with mom but instead have to leave her on the couch - when the water's running, I hallucinate that I hear her calling me, only to find that, after I've rushed through my hygiene process, she's still asleep, or at least perfectly fine...

At this point, I might run an errand to the grocery store or for some other necessity, making sure one of the neighbors knows I'm going... and that mom has the phone right next to her - I'm never gone more than an hour, and usually less than that. My sister and brother always call during the course of the day, as well as various friends and neighbors - it wears mom out to chat, but it's wonderful to know so many people are thinking of her...

Afternoons roll over into evenings and sometimes we do "Happy Hour"... after which I fix and serve dinner, usually about 7 p.m. - we watch Wheel of Fortune and then Jeopardy... and then mom goes on a three-hour jag of crime drama shows (continuing at full volume). NCIS/CSI:NameThatCity/Criminal Minds/Forensic Files/The Mentalist/Without a Trace all look alike to me... but she loves them - I'm over the blood and guts and gore, oh my!... and sometimes miss Jon & Kate (without the recent brouhaha), Antiques Roadshow and InTreatment...

Mom will usually watch the first 30 minutes of Murder, She Wrote and then head back to bed - I help her back to the bathroom and then switch on the fan and light in her bedroom, as well as turn back her covers and put her water glass on the bedside table. I wait for her to come in, kiss her goodnight (with emotion) and head back into the living room to get whatever I can get done at the computer (fingers crossed the Internet connection prevails) or some reading until exhaustion/sleepiness take over - I've found that if I stay up late, I pay for it the next day...

The worst part is the hours between 2 and 6 a.m., when it's still dark and I can hear mom breathing and moaning - then sometimes she gets quiet... and I sneak in there to make sure she's okay (remember those middle of the night visits standing by our infant's crib to make sure they're still alive?). Sometimes she gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom... which wakes me (I'm back in parent mode these days) - I yell out that I'm there if she needs me... and sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't...

Before we know it, it's 8 a.m. again... and time to wash/rinse/repeat - I'm hanging in there... and some days are easier than others...

P.S. Speaking of children... my dear daughter Sarah just made arrangements to fly up next Friday to spend a long weekend with mom (my kids call her Mimi) - when I told mom, she cried with joy...

SONG: Who Have You Been (and who are you now) by Carrie Newcomer (scroll down to page 14)

BOOK:
Unwrapping the Sandwich Generation: Life Vignettes about Seniors & Their Adult Boomer Children by Susan Cunningham

POEM: Sometimes by David Whyte


Sometimes
if you move carefully
through the forest

breathing
like the ones
in the old stories

who could cross
a shimmering bed of dry leaves
without a sound,

you come
to a place
whose only task

is to trouble you
with tiny
but frightening requests

conceived out of nowhere
but in this place
beginning to lead everywhere.

Requests to stop what
you are doing right now,
and to stop what you

are becoming
while you do it,
questions

that can make
or unmake
a life,

questions
that have patiently
waited for you,

questions
that have no right
to go away.

QUOTE: "In youth the days are short and the years are long; in old age the years are short and the days long." ~ Nikita Ivanovich Panin

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Lucky (Danny Schmidt)


This is what's been happening in my life since late Monday/early Tuesday... reprinted from various e-mail updates I wrote to family and friends - cutting to the chase (before you have to read the loooooong recap below): I am now home and Eric is much better (another crisis averted!).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sent: Tue, 24 Mar 2009 7:41 pm
Subject: Eric

I'm doing one big-*ss bcc: to keep everyone in the loop - I know you all understand...

I am in the hospital room with E, who is sleeping soundly, with an IV drip of antibiotics and pain medication - they're also giving him a potassium IV, as that's severely low...

I made it to Orlando in three hours (what is normally a 4-hour drive) - let's just say the Universe was running interference, in the form of a black car in front of me that was going a few miles faster (mumble mumble 80+ mumble mumble), making everyone move out of the way, which I followed it almost the entire trip. Coincidence? - I think not...

Long story short: Eric (my 20-year-old son, as most of you know) woke up yesterday (Monday morning) with a lesion on his left cheek, and the whole side of his face swollen and painful, including an almost-shut eye - he went to a walk-in clinic, where they gave him antibiotics and pain meds in pill form, and told him to come back the following day...

When things still were not better by 8 p.m., his roommate took him back there, whereupon the doctor on duty told him to go immediately to an emergency room - after a few hours there, they admitted him a bit before midnight. I knew at that point I would be driving up today, spending a few hours this morning clearing my calendar - thanks to all of you who I cancelled/ postponed...

A doctor specializing in infectious diseases came in this morning, but hasn't been back - Eric is now in what is considered to be isolation, recommending that people who visit wear gowns/ gloves. At this point, they are trying to rule out what it's not - he's had a CAT scan, blood work and various swabs. The lesion/swelling has happened twice before in the last six months, but not anywhere this severely - it just feels good to finally be dealing with it...

I so appreciate everyone's skyward prayers... purple candles... healing energy... good thoughts... best wishes - I will pass them on when he wakes. I have packed enough for a 5-day stay, and will be here longer if necessary - the cafeteria food (mmm, salad bar) is pretty good (weak smile... :-)

I'll attempt daily updates - in the meantime, thanks again for the continued blessing of your friendship...

Sent: Wed, 25 Mar 2009 8:44 pm
Subject: Eric - 3/25/09 update

It's been a good day, informationally and otherwise, after a very frustrating evening of fitful rest coupled with constant interruptions - I know it's for Eric's own good but, when there's someone in the room every hour, taking vitals, changing IV bags, giving pain medication, making sure he's hydrated, etc., it's exhausting... literally...

He did catch up a bit during the day, sleeping more deeply and for a longer period of time since I've been here - I'm glad I'm able to run interference/be the advocate to answer questions so they don't have to bother him unnecessarily...

So... we were finally able to talk to the doctor of infectious diseases today... and, although they can't confirm until the culture comes back (48 to 72 hours after swabbing his nasal cavity yesterday), he is 90-95% certain it is MRSA, a staph infection common in hospitals, athletic environments and student communities. What we thought was a spider bite this past fall seems to have been this (strange they didn't diagnose it as such at the time, especially in a college town) - I've done a bit of googling and it's more than a bit scary, although comforting now that we know what we're dealing with...


Some people are more susceptible than others - Eric could very well be affected the rest of his life, and we're becoming informed on ways he can attempt to minimize outbreaks. They will be keeping him another two days (at least) to make sure the antibiotics have made a major impact on the infection - he already looks and feels substantially better since my arrival, although the wound site is still painful and abscessed, albeit smaller...

Poor baby - we'll try to get him showered and changed into fresh clothing later tonight (we need their help, because the IV line goes through the sleeve of the gown), which will go a long way toward recovery...

When he's finally discharged, I'll stay up here another day to help with laundry, cleaning and cooking - what's a mom for if not to make big batches of soup, right?!?

Again... thanks - your collaborative and continued love is felt and passed on...

P.S. I'm finally getting around to reading Wally Lamb's The Hour I First Believed - highly recommended (waving to my BookWomen, sorry about missing tonight's Pride and Prejudice meeting... :-)


Sent: Fri, 27 Mar 2009 11:13 am
Subject: Eric - 3/27/09 update (He Shall Be Released - with apologies to Bob Dylan)

Wanted to let you all know Eric was released last night (Thursday) about 8 p.m. - it happened quickly, with the doctor coming in about 5 to check on the lesion, which had begun draining earlier in the day (apparently what they had been waiting for). He escalated prescription writing for oral antibiotics and pain medication and, once those finally came through (we had already started packing), we were good to go. And yes, if you're confusedly wondering... three hours *is* quick by hospital standards - it's certainly been an exercise in patience and perspective...

Cut to the chase: we spent the night at Eric's apartment last night, which he shares with a roommate - how wonderful to finally stretch out, face down, on a real bed (as opposed to face up on a semi-reclining, hard-as-a-rock chair) - I'm having to use his computer, as there's no wireless in the complex to people who don't live there/subscribe...

The plan today is to do lots of laundry (hot water and bleach), clean the apartment and make sh*tpots (a Southern term for beaucoups) of soup - I could actually end up coming home tonight or may wait until tomorrow (Saturday), depending on his need to have me here/desire to be rid of me now that he's better...

More health/technical stuff involved, of course, which I won't regale you with - let's just say that it's a process, and we're prepared to handle it all, one day at a time...

Thanks again - your support and love are palpable and cherished...

Sent: Sat, 28 Mar 2009 8:54 pm
Subject: Re: Eric - 3/28/09 update (Home - Meg Hutchinson)

Just wanted to quickly let everyone know I'm home, leaving Orlando for Pembroke Pines about 3:30 this afternoon) - will spend the remainder of the evening catching up on voicemail and e-mail and snail mail, oh my!

I promise to follow up with personal replies tomorrow as I attempt to get back into the chaos I call my life - thanks in advance for everyone's patience... :-)

Eric is much better, after having consumed about 10 bowls of my soup so far - I think there are a few gallons left. Hey, I'm Italian - I don't know how to cook "small". I also made dinner last night... lots of pasta, sauteed veggies and turkey meatballs for him, his roommate, his roommate's girlfriend and a few other friends who wandered into their apartment - I stocked the fridge and pantry with other healthful options as well... and we cleaned/disinfected everything in sight...

The hospital sent him home with two prescriptions, one of which (the antibiotic) could only be half-filled until the pharmacy re-stocks on Monday... and the other (the painkiller) couldn't be filled at all because the doctor wrote the wrong date (2006 instead of 2009). Since Eric was discharged, I have to wait to call Medical Records, which doesn't re-open until Monday, to straighten everything out - so frustrating, because it was their error (and thankfully, he has enough from his previous prescription to get him through a few days)...

So... attempting business as usual... slooooowly - thanks again to all... for just *being* there...

P.S. Headed soon to the jacuzzi... with something alcoholic in hand - "got a little pinot grigio for a woman with the blues?" (I miss you, Rachel... :-)

SONG: Lucky by Danny Schmidt

BOOK: The Hour I First Believed by Wally Lamb

POEM: Meditation on Ruin by Jay Hopler


It's not the lost lover that brings us to ruin, or the barroom
brawl,
or the con game gone bad, or the beating
Taken in the alleyway. But the lost car keys,
The broken shoelace,
The overcharge at the gas pump
Which we broach without comment — these are the things that
eat away at life, these constant vibrations
In the web of the unremarkable.

The death of a father — the death of the mother —
The sudden loss shocks the living flesh alive! But the broken
pair of glasses,
The tear in the trousers,
These begin an ache behind the eyes.
And it's this ache to which we will ourselves
Oblivious. We are oblivious. Then, one morning—there's a
crack in the water glass —we wake to find ourselves undone.

QUOTE: "In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order." ~ Carl Jung

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Tomorrow (from the soundtrack to Annie)

My friend Amy sent the link to the video above - it seemed to provide the perfect counterpoint to my thoughts below.

I've not yet spoken of my middle child Robby, whose birthday is in December (the time is coming) - however, I'm very proud of all three of my children (19, soon-to-be 23, 26). They are kind, respectful, patient, funny, thoughtful and wise - I've raised them with The Kite Theory (learned during a seven-week parenting seminar when Sarah was in middle school) and The Golden Rule, and I think those two flexible tenets have provided a healthy balance of incremental freedom and empathetic connection. Of course, I've also absorbed much along the way, about role modeling and interpersonal relationships and expectations - I may have mentioned this before... but I love the line in Anne Tyler's Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant when one of the characters states there is no statute of limitations on motherhood (in a good way, Martha... :-)

I sometimes miss my children in the young and innocent phase (when they still thought I hung the moon... sigh) - the smell of baby powder, feeling little arms encircling my neck, hearing a sweet voice call my name are memories never to be forgotten. However, I'm proud and pleased of who they are now, and hope I can humbly take a bit of credit for a fraction of the in-constant-formation young adult - they need me less but they love me with more understanding...

If I hadn't already used Dar's The One Who Knows, it would be today's song - the "I'll take you to the mountains, I will take you to the sea" lyric perfectly illustrates the last two lines of the poem...

SONG: Tomorrow from the soundtrack to Annie

BOOK: The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis

POEM: Things You Didn't Put On Your Resumé by Joyce Sutphen

How often you got up in the middle of the night
when one of your children had a bad dream,

and sometimes you woke because you thought
you heard a cry but they were all sleeping,

so you stood in the moonlight just listening
to their breathing, and you didn't mention

that you were an expert at putting toothpaste
on tiny toothbrushes and bending down to wiggle

the toothbrush ten times on each tooth while
you sang the words to songs from Annie, and

who would suspect that you know the fingerings
to the songs in the first four books of the Suzuki

Violin Method and that you can do the voices
of Pooh and Piglet especially well, though

your absolute favorite thing to read out loud is
Bedtime for Frances and that you picked

up your way of reading it from Glynnis Johns,
and it is, now that you think of it, rather impressive

that you read all of Narnia and all of the Ring Trilogy
(and others too many to mention here) to them

before they went to bed and on the way out to
Yellowstone, which is another thing you don't put

on the resumé: how you took them to the ocean
and the mountains and brought them safely home.

QUOTE: "Becoming responsible adults is no longer a matter of whether children hang up their pajamas or put dirty towels in the hamper, but whether they care about themselves and others -- and whether they see everyday chores as related to how we treat this planet." ~ Eda LeShan

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Close to My Heart (Dar Williams)

I'm still recovering from Falcon Ridge, so am uncharacteristically out of words - however, I couldn't let another day go by without sending skyward Happy Birthday wishes to Eric, my "baby", who turned 19 on July 28 (we're celebrating ours together this Sunday).

My pregnancy with him was... unexpected... and he truly is a chosen child - he's been such a blessing, responsible for my gray hair, but all my laugh lines too. He's stubborn, witty, disorganized, kind-hearted, a know-it-all, generous - I must admit, when I get the most frustrated with him, I realize I'm exactly the same way... :-)

I've said that Dar has written songs for all three of my children, released close to the time each of them went away to college - the following is E's... <3



POEM: Learning the Bicycle by Wyatt Prunty

The older children pedal past
Stable as little gyros, spinning hard
To supper, bath, and bed, until at last
We also quit, silent and tired
Beside the darkening yard where trees
Now shadow up instead of down.
Their predictable lengths can only tease
Him as, head lowered, he walks his bike alone
Somewhere between his wanting to ride
And his certainty he will always fall.
Tomorrow, though I will run behind,
Arms out to catch him. He'll tilt then balance wide
Of my reach, till distance makes him small,
Smaller, beyond the place I stop and know
That to teach him I had to follow
And when he learned I had to let him go.

QUOTE: "Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body." ~ Elizabeth Stone