Stay Gentle (Brandi Carlile)

[Art by the amazing A. Silivonchik]

First of all, I need to stop apologizing that I I haven't posted in two days, two weeks, two months.  Ack... and oh f*cking well!  Life has been blissfully, joyfully, delightfully... well... full... 😄

Case in point:  my 68th birthday was this past Friday (August 5).  I spent the morning in the Hope Garden, then most of the rest of the day at my laptop, and posted the following a few minutes before midnight (here's the fundraiser I created to benefit The Caring Community, which has changed my life over the last year.  My goal was $200, which has, only four days in, more than doubled... 💖):

" “There’s a particular feeling in your body when something goes right after a long time of things going wrong. It feels warm and sweet and loose... For a moment all my bees have turned to honey.” ~ Lily King, Writers & Lovers

Thanks again to my friends and family for contributing (via your posts and comments, text messages, phone calls, fundraiser donations, gifts, etc.) to one of the best birthdays I've had in a very long time.  Many of you know I deactivated my Susan Moss account in late-December 2019, meaning I went two years without fanfare, until I was encouraged to create a "ghost" profile (Daisy!) for my gardening presence.  Despite its many frustrations and glitches, there is really just nothing like a Facebook birthday!  I am grateful to you all for making me feel loved and appreciated... 🌼

This aging thing is not for the faint of heart but, so far, I still have my original knees, hips, shoulders... as well as eyes, lungs, and kidneys (none of which I take for granted).  I'd like to think I have also retained my generosity of spirit, my unrelenting optimism, my joie de vivre.  I can even get out in the garden every week, although this summer's heat has taken its toll on my endurance.  Biggest lesson:  Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!

Actually, no; it's Expectations.  Inheritance from my mom + Leo tendencies = disaster.  One of my major life lessons in the last decade has been letting go of them (I have slips now and then), and I find that life is easier and I am happier as a result.  New Day, Tabula Rasa, Starting Over has become a mantra.  I am also working harder to re-set my boundaries, such that everyone's default is based on a respectful, loving place.  If we model it, they will come (around...  😍)

As Joni sings:  

"Calendars of our lives circled with compromise

Sweet bird of time and change, you must be laughing..."

So am I! "

And then this:

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY, week beginning August 4, copyright 2022 by Rob Brezsny

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the coming weeks, Leo, I urge you to always be confident that YOU ARE THE PARTY! Everywhere you go, bring the spirits of fun and revelry. Be educationally entertaining and entertainingly educational. Amuse yourself by making life more interesting for everyone. At the same time, be kind and humble, never arrogant or insensitive. A vital part of your assignment is to nourish and inspire others with your radiance and charm. That formula will ensure you get everything you need. I foresee bounty flowing your way! PS: Regularly reward your admirers and followers with your magnanimous Chesire-cat grin.

And this:  August 5 birthdays:  Neil Armstrong, Wendell Berry, Loni Anderson, Rick Derringer, Maureen McCormick, Mark O'Connor (to name the ones I recognize!)

P.S.  Cynthia is throwing a Croning Party for me next week, which will most certainly be blogworthy... ✌ 💥 💞

SONG:  Stay Gentle by Brandi Carlile

BOOK:  To The Women: words to live by... by Donna Ashworth

POEM(S):  Change the Way You See by Donna Ashworth

I don’t have crow’s feet,

I have happy happy memories of laughing with friends until the tears flowed.

I don’t have frown lines,

I have the marks of my frustration and confusion, which I battled through, smiling in the end.

I am not going grey,

I have shimmering highlights of wisdom, dashed throughout my silver hair.

I don’t have scars,

I have symbols of the strength I was able to find, when life got tough.

I don’t have stretch marks,

I have the marks of growth and the marks of motherhood. My womanly evolution.

I am not fat,

I bear the evidence of a life filled with abundance, blessings and good times.

I am not just forgetful,

I have a mind so full of stories, memories and moments there is scarce room to hold much else.

I am not old,

I am blessed, with a life of great length, something not everyone can say.

Don’t change the way you look my friend,

change the way you see,

change the way you see.

home body by rupi kaur

give me laugh lines and wrinkles

i want proof of the jokes we shared

engrave the lines into my face like

the roots of a tree that grow deeper

with each passing year

i want sunspots as souvenirs

for the beaches we laid on

i want to look like i was

never afraid to let the world

take me by the hand

and show me what it’s made of

i want to leave this place knowing

i did something with my body

other than trying to

make it look perfect

QUOTE(S):  “I want to live the rest of my life, however long or short, with as much sweetness as I can decently manage, loving all the people I love, and doing as much as I can of the work I still have to do. I am going to write fire until it comes out of my ears, my eyes, my noseholes, everywhere. Until it's every breath I breathe. I'm going to go out like a fucking meteor!” ~ Audre Lorde

"I was pondering yesterday why I am enjoying getting older so very much. I think it's because of this fact: That unless you are making a sincere effort to wake up early every single morning and work hard at staying stupid, then you are probably — just by sheer default — getting smarter as you age. (Because seriously — you've gotta REALLY not be paying attention to life, to not be getting even a little bit more wise as you go along.) All that I have ever wanted and longed for was to be wiser, smarter, more clear, more peaceful, more expansive, more prepared for life. The years are bringing that intelligence, my dears... the years are bringing it at last. (And not a moment too soon, may I add.) I look forward to all that I have yet to learn. I plan to keep paying attention, and to let it all in. Stronger by the year, better by the day. It's awesome." ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Wondering Where the Lions Are (Bruce Cockburn)

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY, week beginning August 6 by Rob Brezsny

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): At times in our lives, it's impractical to be innocent and curious and blank and receptive. So many tasks require us to be knowledgeable and self-assured and forceful and in control. But according to my astrological analysis, the coming weeks will be a time when you will benefit from the former state of mind: cultivating what Zen Buddhists call "beginner's mind." The Chinese refer to it as *ch_x_n*, or the mind of a novice. The Koreans call it the *eee mok oh?* approach, translated as "What is this?" Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield defines it as the "don't-know mind." During this upcoming phase, I invite you to enjoy the feeling of being at peace with all that's mysterious and beyond your understanding.

We're only one week into my Birth *Month*, and it's been glorious!  First of all, thanks to all who read my blog (many, many views!) this past Wednesday, and a special thanks to those who took the time to comment.  The outpouring conjured memories of Facebook love, and I am grateful for friends and family who know that we Leos need validation, not always but sometimes.  My body, mind, and spirit are in a good place, as I have made a renewed effort to take better care of all aspects of myself.  My skin is glowing (thanks, Origins!), my brain is stimulated (thanks, Broward Library!), my attitude is dialed back to lesser expectations (thanks, meditation and yoga... and maybe a glass or two of pinot grigio... 😄 )

Check out the list of presents/presence I received (so far), which reiterates that my dear ones have more than a finger on the pulse of my personality... 💖

~ dragonfly crossbody wallet and cellphone holder from Melanie
~ Michelle Obama Becoming Journal (made my first entry today!) and card from Michele
~ Nancy Pelosi Patron Saint of Shade clapback candle from Stephen and Jess
~ Zoom call Tuesday night with Nancy, Brian, RobbyG, Dave, and Russ 
~ Parlour Vegan lunch sent via UberEats from my daughter Sarah
~ phone calls from all my children
~ thoughtful texts, e-mails (from Laurie, sharong, and CT), and phone calls from friends
~ aforementioned comments on my blog
~ phone call with my sister
~ WhatsApp call with Sarah and Colin
~ Chinese food delivery
~ basket of vegan goodies (most of them homemade), card, and visit from Nancy
~ card from Roxanne
~ Zoom birthday co-celebration with Judi (whose birthday was yesterday); call with Nancy, Suzanne, SusanP, Sarah and Colin, Jennifer and Elowen, Cheryl
~ 864511320 bumper sticker (look it up!) and card from Judi
~ Family get-together yesterday at our old neighborhood park:  Lala-saurus Rex (purple!) T-shirt from Sarah and Colin; massager (for my sciatica) from Rob and Eric, And the Answer Is... (Alex Trebek memoir) from Chico, all with cards

Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I am feeling the birthday love, and continue to count myself lucky and blessed every day/minute/second.  "Some kinda ecstasy got a hold on me" indeed!

NR:  Father of the Rain by Lily King (three decades of a volatile relationship between a charismatic, alcoholic father and the daughter who loves him.  hmmm, sound familiar?!?  And, although my Dad died in 1995, today would have been his 90th birthday.  Synchronicity strikes again.)

SONG:  Wondering Where the Lions Are by Bruce Cockburn

BOOK:  The Lions of Fifth Avenue by Fiona Davis

POEM:  Leo (July 23 - August 22) Horoscope by Genie Graveline

You're very ambitious, you love to lead
You're driven to greatness and want to succeed
You're strong and dependable, honest, too
but showing emotion is hard for you
You're usually eager to give advice
When it comes to your temper, try to think twice
You're a lover of life with a childish side
Yet a loner at times, with a need to hide
You're quite independent, and generous, too
You set your goals and you carry them through
You need reassurance from day to day
And diplomacy, sometimes, is not your forte'
Your sign is fire and your planet's the Sun
When you take control, you get the job done
If you find the right mate, you're the marrying kind
You're Leo, relax, take the time to unwind

QUOTE:  "Becoming isn't about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim.  It's forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self." ~ Michelle Obama

It's [My] Birthday Today! (Epic Birthday Songs)

Posting this at 12:01 a.m., August 5, my 66th birthday.  When the f*ck did that happen?!?

Like New Year's Eve, each new trip around the sun is always a time of reflection and introspection for me, "attempting to figure out the circuitous journey I call my life: where I've been, where I am, where I'm going and who will be my traveling companions, continued or new", as I say in my blog profile.  From surrendering the Labyrinth Cafe concert series in May 2019... retiring from my office job in June 2019... and this f*cking pandemic since mid-March 2020, it's been a h*lluva year.  I have retreated, recalibrated, and regrouped.  "First World Problems" is my new mantra.  

I find myself being more direct and honest than I usually am... expressing my true feelings when something is on my mind... reaching out to make amends, repair relationships, and/or bridge distances.  We just don't know where we're headed with all of this.  Maybe part of my thought process is because my mom's passing was 11 years ago last month, and my sister, brother and I prided ourselves on not having any woulda/coulda/shouldas.  Also, as I am fond of saying, I am still 19 until I pass a mirror... ;-)

With nothing important, time-consuming, or deadline-driven to deal with, I am floundering a bit to re-find my place in the world and reclaim my worth.  I used to be so busy (to the point of ridiculousness; dare I say frenzied?) and I am not that anymore.  Whew.  Replacing that with radical self-care is not easy, when I am usually The One Who Organizes and Nurtures.  Struggling to find the balance, and it is necessary that I do. [Yo, Adriene!  Sorry that I quit ya.  Back in the cat/cow/downward-dog/pigeon/eagle/tree/cobra/Happy Baby/corpse saddle tomorrow!]

So... most of you know I deactivated my Facebook account on New Year's Eve 2019, and I haven't really missed it, other than the amazing book discussion group RWA (Readers With Attitude) that provided me with stimulation, inspiration, and hilarity... as well as excellent recommendations.

This will be my first birthday without social media, and I do confess that I will be feeling the void of the day-long deluge of well-wishes, memes, and sweet thoughts from friends and family.  Normally I honestly don't care if anyone comments on my blog, as I've always thought of it as a journal, an exercise in creativity, a way to blow off my monkey-mind steam.

Today, however, I want to ask a favor of all of you.  I am a Leo, and birthdays (all celebrations, actually) are a big deal.  We joke about having a Birth Month! 

At some point, if you are reading this, could you please:

~ wish me a Happy Birthday in the Comments box below (moderated, so it might not show up right away!)

and, if you're up to it, let me know:

~ what you're reading now, OR
~ a favorite book you've recently read, OR
~ a book you look forward to reading, OR
~ none of the above (and that's okay, too... :-)

Given this ongoing COVID Chaos, it would really mean a lot.  Thanks in advance for celebrating with me, and much love always... 💖

NR:  Doctor Sleep by Stephen King (starting at 12:02 a.m., I'm going to read all f*cking day, about as guilty a pleasure as I can imagine!  Maybe I'll even stay in my nightgown... or my bathing suit, if it's a nice day... ☀


SONG:  It's Your Birthday Today, Susan! by Epic Birthday Songs (you really *must* click on the link.  Many viewings later, I am still laughing so hard I am crying!)

BOOK:  Leo: Harness the Power of the Zodiac by Stella Andromeda

POEM:  On the Eve of a Birthday by Timothy Steele

As my Scotch, spared the water, blondly sloshes
About its tumbler, and gay manic flame
Is snapping in the fireplace, I grow youthful:
I realize that calendars aren’t truthful
And that for all of my grand unsuccesses
External causes are to blame.

And if at present somewhat destitute,
I plan to alter, prove myself more able,
And suavely stroll into the coming years
As into rooms with thick rugs, chandeliers,
And colorfully pyramided fruit
On linened lengths of table.

At times I fear the future won’t reward
My failures with sufficient compensation,
But dump me, aging, in a garret room
Appointed with twilit, slant-ceilinged gloom
And a lone bulb depending from a cord
Suggestive of self-strangulation.

Then, too, I have bad dreams, in one of which
A cowled, scythe-bearing figure beckons me.
Dark plains glow at his back: it seems I’ve died,
And my soul, weighed and judged, has qualified
For an extended, hyper-sultry hitch
Down in eternity.

Such fears and dreams, however, always pass.
And gazing from my window at the dark,
My drink in hand, I’m jauntily unbowed.
The sky’s tiered, windy galleries stream with cloud,
And higher still, the dazed stars thickly mass
In their long Ptolemaic arc.

What constellated powers, unkind or kind,
Sway me, what far preposterous ghosts of air?
Whoever they are, whatever our connection,
I toast them (toasting also my reflection),
Not minding that the words which come to mind
Make the toast less toast than prayer:

Here’s to the next year, to the best year yet;
To mixed joys, to my harum-scarum prime;
To auguries reliable and specious;
To times to come, such times being precious,
If only for the reason that they get
Shorter all the time.

QUOTE(S):  "Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!" ~ Dr. Seuss

"Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words." ~ Plautus

"We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be." ~ Lauren Hutton

Circle of Life (Tim Rice/Elton John)

Today is M's birthday - zippity! The following is in honor of my dear sister Leo friend - she is all of those wonderful things, and more. No matter the ups and downs, ins and outs, nears and fars, backs and forths of each others' lives, she is always in my heart - I look forward to celebrating M this Friday... <3

Leo The Lion
Modality: Fixed

Element: Fire

Ruler: The Sun

Season: Summer

5th Sign of Zodiac
Metal: Gold

Stone: Ruby

Color: Orange, Gold

Anatomy: The heart

Keywords: magnanimous, generous, hospitable, caring, warm, authoritative, active, open

The majestic lion, the King of the Beasts, is Leo's symbol. Throughout history, the lion has symbolized sovereignty, rulership, and courage. "The lion's size and strength have captured human imagination since ancient times". Leos, like lions, are thought to be strong leaders. They generally have a regal quality to them, and possess a noble manner that is hard to miss. The glyph for Leo represents the mane of the lion.

Sun in Leo (the Sun is in Leo from approximately July 21 to August 20, depending on the year)

There's an unmistakably regal air to Solar Leos. These are dignified—even noble—folk. Leos have a reputation for being conceited, but think again. Leos do feel important, but this generally takes the form of wanting to change the world in some way—to make the world a better place. They are generally motivated by affection for people, and often have big dreams and plans to make people happy.

Generally, Leos are hard-working. After all, they are attracted to the good things in life, and they know they have to work to get them. It is sometimes difficult to imagine Leos as go-getters if you happen to catch them in one of their languid moods. These people can sleep in, laze around, and luxuriate for long periods of time. However, when they do get to work, they do it with intensity and determination. In this way, they are not unlike their symbol, the lion.

The worst thing you can do to a Leo is accuse them of bad intentions. Displaying behavior that makes them think you don't appreciate them runs a close second. These happy, jovial people become mighty hurt when others don't see them for their noble intentions.

Loyal, and sometimes rather traditional, Leos are, after all, a fixed sign. They'll hold on to situations and people for a very long time before they give up. There is an unmistakable idealism to Leo's view of the world and the people in it. Often, Leos have a very noble inner code that they answer to. Although on the surface, Leos appear rather confident, they can actually be some of the most humble souls around. They are the first to blame themselves when something goes wrong. Once again, it's the Leonine self-importance at work, and this characteristic works in unexpected ways. Instead of being the conceited, self-absorbed show-offs of reputation, they are usually very self-aware, self-conscious, and, yes, even humble.

Some Famous People with Sun in Leo: Ben Affleck (Sun and Mercury in Leo), Sandra Bullock (Sun and Mercury in Leo), J. C. Chasez of N'Sync, David Duchovny, Jonathon Frakes (Sun, Moon, and Mercury in Leo), Whitney Houston (Sun and Venus in Leo), Peter O'Toole (Sun and Moon in Leo), Jennifer Lopez (Sun, Mercury, and Mars in Leo), Madonna (Sun and Venus in Leo), Robert Plant, George Bernard Shaw (Sun and Venus in Leo), Martin Sheen (Sun, Moon, and Mars in Leo), Kevin Spacey (Sun and Mercury in Leo), Christian Slater

SONG: Circle of Life by Tim Rice/Elton John

BOOK: A Birthday Cake Is No Ordinary Cake by Debra Frasier

POEM: First Gestures by Julia Spicher Kasdorf

Among the first we learn is good-bye,
your tiny wrist between Dad's forefinger
and thumb forced to wave bye-bye to Mom,
whose hand sails brightly behind a windshield.
Then it's done to make us follow:
in a crowded mall, a woman waves, "Bye,
we're leaving," and her son stands firm
sobbing, until at last he runs after her,
among shoppers drifting like sharks
who must drag their great hulks
underwater, even in sleep, or drown.

Living, we cover vast territories;
imagine your life drawn on a map--
a scribble on the town where you grew up,
each bus trip traced between school
and home, or a clean line across the sea
to a place you flew once. Think of the time
and things we accumulate, all the while growing
more conscious of losing and leaving. Aging,
our bodies collect wrinkles and scars
for each place the world would not give
under our weight. Our thoughts get laced
with strange aches, sweet as the final chord
that hangs in a guitar's blond torso.

Think how a particular ridge of hills
from a summer of your childhood grows
in significance, or one hour of light--
late afternoon, say, when thick sun flings
the shadow of Virginia creeper vines
across the wall of a tiny, white room
where a girl makes love for the first time.
Its leaves tremble like small hands
against the screen while she weeps
in the arms of her bewildered lover.
She's too young to see that as we gather
losses, we may also grow in love;
as in passion, the body shudders
and clutches what it must release.

QUOTE: "The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures. It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth in numberless blades of grass and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers. It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth and of death, in ebb and in flow. I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life. And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment." ~ Rabindranath Tagore