Like New Year's Eve, each new trip around the sun is always a time of reflection and introspection for me, "attempting to figure out the circuitous journey I call my life: where I've been, where I am, where I'm going and who will be my traveling companions, continued or new", as I say in my blog profile. From surrendering the Labyrinth Cafe concert series in May 2019... retiring from my office job in June 2019... and this f*cking pandemic since mid-March 2020, it's been a h*lluva year. I have retreated, recalibrated, and regrouped. "First World Problems" is my new mantra.
I find myself being more direct and honest than I usually am... expressing my true feelings when something is on my mind... reaching out to make amends, repair relationships, and/or bridge distances. We just don't know where we're headed with all of this. Maybe part of my thought process is because my mom's passing was 11 years ago last month, and my sister, brother and I prided ourselves on not having any woulda/coulda/shouldas. Also, as I am fond of saying, I am still 19 until I pass a mirror... ;-)
With nothing important, time-consuming, or deadline-driven to deal with, I am floundering a bit to re-find my place in the world and reclaim my worth. I used to be so busy (to the point of ridiculousness; dare I say frenzied?) and I am not that anymore. Whew. Replacing that with radical self-care is not easy, when I am usually The One Who Organizes and Nurtures. Struggling to find the balance, and it is necessary that I do. [Yo, Adriene! Sorry that I quit ya. Back in the cat/cow/downward-dog/pigeon/eagle/tree/cobra/Happy Baby/corpse saddle tomorrow!]
So... most of you know I deactivated my Facebook account on New Year's Eve 2019, and I haven't really missed it, other than the amazing book discussion group RWA (Readers With Attitude) that provided me with stimulation, inspiration, and hilarity... as well as excellent recommendations.
This will be my first birthday without social media, and I do confess that I will be feeling the void of the day-long deluge of well-wishes, memes, and sweet thoughts from friends and family. Normally I honestly don't care if anyone comments on my blog, as I've always thought of it as a journal, an exercise in creativity, a way to blow off my monkey-mind steam.
Today, however, I want to ask a favor of all of you. I am a Leo, and birthdays (all celebrations, actually) are a big deal. We joke about having a Birth Month!
At some point, if you are reading this, could you please:
~ wish me a Happy Birthday in the Comments box below (moderated, so it might not show up right away!)
and, if you're up to it, let me know:
~ what you're reading now, OR
~ a favorite book you've recently read, OR
~ a book you look forward to reading, OR
~ none of the above (and that's okay, too... :-)
Given this ongoing COVID Chaos, it would really mean a lot. Thanks in advance for celebrating with me, and much love always... 💖
NR: Doctor Sleep by Stephen King (starting at 12:02 a.m., I'm going to read all f*cking day, about as guilty a pleasure as I can imagine! Maybe I'll even stay in my nightgown... or my bathing suit, if it's a nice day... ☀
SONG: It's Your Birthday Today, Susan! by Epic Birthday Songs (you really *must* click on the link. Many viewings later, I am still laughing so hard I am crying!)
BOOK: Leo: Harness the Power of the Zodiac by Stella Andromeda
POEM: On the Eve of a Birthday by Timothy Steele
As my Scotch, spared the water, blondly sloshes
About its tumbler, and gay manic flame
Is snapping in the fireplace, I grow youthful:
I realize that calendars aren’t truthful
And that for all of my grand unsuccesses
External causes are to blame.
And if at present somewhat destitute,
I plan to alter, prove myself more able,
And suavely stroll into the coming years
As into rooms with thick rugs, chandeliers,
And colorfully pyramided fruit
On linened lengths of table.
At times I fear the future won’t reward
My failures with sufficient compensation,
But dump me, aging, in a garret room
Appointed with twilit, slant-ceilinged gloom
And a lone bulb depending from a cord
Suggestive of self-strangulation.
Then, too, I have bad dreams, in one of which
A cowled, scythe-bearing figure beckons me.
Dark plains glow at his back: it seems I’ve died,
And my soul, weighed and judged, has qualified
For an extended, hyper-sultry hitch
Down in eternity.
Such fears and dreams, however, always pass.
And gazing from my window at the dark,
My drink in hand, I’m jauntily unbowed.
The sky’s tiered, windy galleries stream with cloud,
And higher still, the dazed stars thickly mass
In their long Ptolemaic arc.
What constellated powers, unkind or kind,
Sway me, what far preposterous ghosts of air?
Whoever they are, whatever our connection,
I toast them (toasting also my reflection),
Not minding that the words which come to mind
Make the toast less toast than prayer:
Here’s to the next year, to the best year yet;
To mixed joys, to my harum-scarum prime;
To auguries reliable and specious;
To times to come, such times being precious,
If only for the reason that they get
Shorter all the time.
QUOTE(S): "Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!" ~ Dr. Seuss
"Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words." ~ Plautus
"We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be." ~ Lauren Hutton
