Sunday, April 26, 2020

Pleas (Widespread Panic)

From The New York Times weekend briefing:

In both red and blue states, government and health officials are finding innovative ways to cope, but still lack what experts say they need to track and contain outbreaks. And while the U.S. has made strides over the past month in expanding testing — about 1.2 million tests were done in one week alone — its capacity is nowhere near the level President Trump suggests it is.

and...

A rash of ominous new polls and President Trump’s erratic briefings have the G.O.P. worried about a Democratic takeover of both the presidency and the Senate in November if Mr. Trump doesn’t put the nation on a radically improved course.


From their mouth to goddess' ears!  Buy stock in purple candles now...  :-)



[And thanks to Melanie for this!]


SONG:  Pleas by Widespread Panic

BOOK:  Practicing Mindfulness: 75 Essential Meditations to Reduce Stress, Improve Mental Health, and Find Peace in the Everyday by Matthew Sockolov

POEM:  Things To Try That Might Knock Out the Virus* by Richard Prins

1. Chug a carton of expired milk

2. Host a nationwide pillow-fight

3. Bail out the fossil fuel industry

4. Creepy accordion music

5. Ask to speak to the virus’s manager

6. Redeem a lifetime of earnest prayer for one (1) bad-ass miracle

7. Drunk-dial your ex

8. Knock your teeth out one by one and put them inside a maraca, then scare the virus away with your snazzy, impeccable rhythm

9. Crack a dodo bird egg and drink it raw

10. Wrap your body in tin foil, like a burrito

11. Wrap your body in dental floss, like a mummy

12. Smile more often, while flagellating yourself

13. Shave your head and boil all the hairs; serve with tomato sauce and parsley

14. Dose your pets with LSD and see if they think up an out-of-the-box solution

15. Huff some toothpaste

16. Have a staring contest with a taxidermied moose

17. There’s always spontaneous combustion

18. When all else fails, steal the virus’s identity, max out all its credit cards, then marry it so it can’t testify against you

19. Did you try turning yourself off and on again?

*The author doesn’t recommend any of these activities; he’s just wondering out loud if they might work and/or being sarcastic. Quoting him, in or out of context, shall be construed as proof of bias. The U.S. Surgeon General advises forgetting everything you just read.

QUOTE:  "Re-examine all you have been told in school or church or in any book, and dismiss whatever insults your own soul." ~ Walt Whitman

No comments:

Post a Comment