Carry On (Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young)

At 10 a.m. today, I was weeping inconsolably in the local AT&T store.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?  Rewind.

When I dropped my phone a few months ago and went there for a replacement, the amazing Raquel explained to me that, due to Eric's death, we could have him taken off the account and switch myself and my husband over to the Florida 55 Plus Plan, therefore saving us money.  E's girlfriend still had his phone and was using it, with our permission, for various music apps, photos, and of course, to hear the sound of his voice through his voicemail.  We approached her at that point and offered her three months grace period to transfer over whatever she needed so we could make the adjustment in our bill.

Today's appointment was to make that happen, and we got Carlos (who was a bit of a d*ck), who explained we had to remove Eric from the account via phone (not with them in-store), so I called them immediately.  I had already gotten teary-eyed telling Carlos of E's death, and then I had to do it *three more times*, as Shante transferred me to Tracy who transferred me to Asha, each one very helpful but starting from scratch.  In the span of 15 minutes, I had to tell *four* people that my son died eight months ago.  What is wrong with Customer Service these days?  Shouldn't the first person fill in the next person on *why* the customer needs assistance?  Why must I repeat this backstory, upsetting me more with each retelling?  Good thing I always keep my handkerchief (purchased for Eric's Celebration of Life) in my purse.  I was in full-on snotting mode.

And then, thankyoujesus, instead of the very impatient Carlos, the incredibly sweet (as well as efficient) Raquel stepped in, and was able to, efficiently and kindly, tie everything up, asking us the right questions, finding additional ways to shave off even more dollars, such that we walked away, now owing $100 *less* every month moving forward than what we were paying.  Grateful on so many levels... 💖

Then my 12:30-2 p.m. Bereavement Group, where I was able to vent the above; I adore those people.

Then a therapy session with Leigh, who has been so instrumental in moving me forward with my healing, so much so that, in July, I'll be attending monthly instead of every other week.  Continued thanks for my incredible support system... 🪷

Also, I included this book because it is Eileen's choice for our book club this Wednesday, synchronistic because, when Eric was moving to Atlanta last March, he had many books he asked me to donate.  I kept this one because I remembered it was required reading for him in high school, oh so many years ago.  I am glad I am finally getting around to reading it.  I wish he were around so I could discuss it with him.... 🕮

SONG:  Carry On by Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young null

BOOK:  The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien null

P.S.  I seem to be having trouble posting my links, and will get that figured out soon; in the meantime, click on the word null, and it goes right through... 😬

POEM:  “Where did the handsome beloved go?” by Jalal Al-Din Rumi

Translated by Brad Gooch and Maryam Mortaz

Where did the handsome beloved go?

I wonder, where did that tall, shapely cypress tree go?

He spread his light among us like a candle.

Where did he go? So strange, where did he go without me?

All day long my heart trembles like a leaf.

All alone at midnight, where did that beloved go?

Go to the road, and ask any passing traveler — 

That soul-stirring companion, where did he go?

Go to the garden, and ask the gardener — 

That tall, shapely rose stem, where did he go?

Go to the rooftop, and ask the watchman — 

That unique sultan, where did he go?

Like a madman, I search in the meadows!

That deer in the meadows, where did he go?

My tearful eyes overflow like a river — 

That pearl in the vast sea, where did he go?

All night long, I implore both moon and Venus — 

That lovely face, like a moon, where did he go?

If he is mine, why is he with others?

Since he’s not here, to what “there” did he go?

If his heart and soul are joined with God,

And he left this realm of earth and water, where did he go?

Tell me clearly, Shams of Tabriz,

Of whom it is said, “The sun never dies” — where did he go?

[Guest Editor Sarah Ruhl:  “I have long been obsessed with Rumi, who distills life into the poetry of ecstasy. Coleman Barks’s beautiful translations in A Year with Rumi, Daily Readings got me through the first year of the pandemic. Rumi’s poems were good medicine to take every day. The above translation is by Brad Gooch and Maryam Mortaz. Gooch has gorgeously translated many of Rumi’s as yet unseen poems as well as writing a biography of Rumi centered on his relationship with Shams, the great friend, the beloved, the Sufi master. So much of Rumi’s ecstatic poetry would not exist were it not for his profound love of Shams Tabrizi—mystic, poet, love, and teacher.”]

QUOTE:  "We are so brief. A one-day dandelion. A seedpod skittering across the ice. We are a feather falling from the wing of a bird. I don’t know why it is given to us to be so mortal and to feel so much. It is a cruel trick, and glorious." ~ Louise Erdrich

Ohio (Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young)

I meant to post this Sunday, on the anniversary of Kent State - it's still horrific, 38 years later...

On May 4, 1970 the Ohio National Guard opened fire into a busy college campus during a school day. A total of 67 shots were fired in 13 seconds. Four students: (L to R) Allison Krause, William Schroeder, Jeffrey Miller, and Sandra Scheuer were killed. Nine students were wounded.

More here...

SONG: Ohio by Neil Young

BOOK: The Kent State Coverup by Joseph Kelner, James Munves

POEM: Where Does It End? by Jeffrey Glenn Miller

The strife and fighting continue into the night.

Mechanical birds sound of death as they buzz

overhead,

spitting fire into the doomed towns where the women

and children run and hide in the bushes

and ask why-

why are we not left to live our own lives?

In the pastures converted into battlefields

the small metal pellets speed through the air,

pausing occasionally to claim another victim.

A teenager from a small Ohio farm clutches his side

in pain and as he feels his life ebbing away, he too

asks why-

why is he dying here, thousands of miles from home,

giving his life for those who did not even ask his help?

The War Without a Purpose marches on relentlessly,

not stopping to mourn for its dead,

content to wait for its end.

But all the frightened parents who still have their sons

fear that

the end is not in sight.

NOTE: This poem was written when Jeff Miller (one of the slain Kent State students) was in high school. At this point he'd never been to Ohio.

QUOTE: "Again, where the people are absolute rulers of the land, they rejoice in having a reserve of youthful citizens, while a king counts this a hostile element and seeks to slay the leading ones, all such as he deems discreet, for he feareth for his power." ~ Euripides

Find the Cost of Freedom (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young)

Monday, January 28, 2008
CSNY Speak Out and Listen In
“Déjà Vu”
by Gregg Goldstein

Park City, Utah - Death threats, loud catcalls and walkouts didn’t stop rock legends Crosby Stills Nash & Young from completing their fiercely anti-Bush reunion tour in 2006.Two years later, the band has reunited again to unveil its Sundance Film Festival closing-night film, “CSNY Déjà Vu,” a documentary that isn’t so much a concert movie as a balanced examination of America’s fiercely divided opinions about the Iraq War.

“We went to war for one reason, then the reason changed every six months,” said the project’s main catalyst, Neil Young, an approachable guy despite his habit of locking eyes with you and not blinking when he speaks. “America never had a pre-eminent war in history before this, so we had something to say. But if anyone has anything else to say, the more the merrier.”

“Déjà Vu” takes a 360-degree look from inside the eye of a storm the band set out to create on their Freedom of Speech tour. It profiles civilians and soldiers both for and against the war between performances of popular ’60s protest songs and newer, less universally accepted ones, like “Let’s Impeach the President” from Young’s 2006 album “Living With War.”

And don’t get Young started on the war.

“Some people support the troops by saying they’re being abused, put in a situation with no armor, where they can’t win, where there’s not enough of them so they’re used over and over again,” he said. “They say the American way of life is threatened, and we’re at war for our lives. But if that’s true we should’ve had a draft. These guys didn’t believe that enough to put their own careers on the line. It would be political suicide for this administration.”

BOTH SIDES NOW

But there are plenty of well-articulated, contrary opinions in the film, and lots of self-criticism. There’s footage of fans leaving en masse with middle fingers raised during “President” — though Nash noted that it came three hours into a 3 1/2-hour show — and gripes about $350 top ticket prices.

The film even includes a review saying the huddled sixtysomethings look like they’re comparing prescriptions onstage. “I didn’t get putting that in for a while because I’m not a masochist, but I came around,” Stephen Stills said with a laugh. “We’re all pretty proud of Neil for including it,” David Crosby added. “But don’t tell him I said that.”

As the band sat in a swank Park City Delta Sky Lounge suite, they had an easy camaraderie that showed their mutual affection — and a love of giving one another a hard time. When Crosby put his bare feet up on the table, Stills quickly waved his hand in front of his nose.

But while all members support the film’s inclusion of differing points of view, like the pro-war sentiments some people express onscreen — “We don’t want to stand on a mountain and tell everyone how to do things because we don’t know more than everyone else,” Crosby said — they chose not to include the death threats and bomb-sniffing dogs they faced at each stop on the tour.

“I’ve never gone into a hotel where everyone else went into the room before to look behind the curtains. But we did it,” Young said. “We’re not going to live like this forever. You don’t want to fan that (by putting it on film) or say, ‘Look at poor us, we have death threats.’ ”

The band members are famously contentious. “We watch out for each other like brothers, and we fight like brothers,” said Young, who has drifted in and out of the band for decades.

“We’re a damn Jerry Springer show!” said Stills, drawing much laughter.

“Yeah, it’s the Jerry Springer Tour!” Crosby added.

But virtually none of that is onscreen, and on further reflection, the band said this tour might have elicited the least interpersonal tension of their career.

“We were basically scared s—less, so we were hanging together closely,” Young said. “It wasn’t comfortable out there, just because of the subject matter. Positive or negative, we crossed a line.”

ENTERING THE DEBATE

Young said he doesn’t really care what audience the $500,000-plus digital-video feature reaches — “We’re not making it to score commercially,” he said — yet the band feels strongly about securing a theatrical release to help stir debate several months before the presidential election.

“Déjà Vu” is directed by Bernard Shakey, a shadowy figure who has never been seen in the same place at the same time as Young. His work includes the quirky 1982 comedy-drama “Neil Young: Human Highway” and dates back to the trippy 1974 film “Journey Through the Past,” which has never been released on home video. “It’ll come out again, and now it’ll live up to its name,” said Young, Shakey’s unofficial spokesman.

The film could lead to a concert album, another promotional tour or even an original album, said Nash, depending on its reception. They’re hitting the road soon in different combinations: Crosby Stills & Nash in July, Crosby and Nash in the fall. Graham Nash is completing his box set and helping Stills on a box set. CSNY is prepping an album of demos of their songs dating back to the ’60s.

Young insists that his “Archives” project, delayed more than a half-dozen times, will be released this year on Blu-ray Disc and DVD (but not CD) “now that technology has caught up to how we want to present it.”

But right now their focus is getting “Déjà Vu” seen to stir debate.

“I truly believe there are good people on both sides. You can’t look at John McCain and say he’s not a good man,” Young said of one of Crosby’s friends. “He’s not dirty, he has experience, and he believes he’s doing the right thing. How is that different from Barack Obama?“

This movie is not about our opinion, just people willing to stand up and express what they believe” he said.

Or, as Stills put it, “The Constitution doesn’t say you have to support the liberal blowhards, just freedom of speech.”

So... today is Election Day, the presidential primary here in Florida, and I'm reading that, so far, there is record turn-out - the excitement level is high (major understatement).

My husband had a business dinner last evening, so I seized the opportunity to treat my daughter and son to a meal at our favorite local sushi restaurant - the impromptu outing made for some great conversation, most especially regarding today's choices. I told them of an exchange I had earlier that day, in which a co-worker voted early and said how emotionally overcome she was (in a good way) at seeing a woman *and* a black man on the ballot, believing it would never happen in her lifetime - I love the fact my children will soon be able to take this progressiveness for granted, as gender/race barriers crumble and the circle of role models widens.

I will head to the polls as soon as I leave work this evening, as will my daughter... and my son has promised he'll vote before his 4:00 p.m. shift - this is not your forefather's democracy... :-)

SONG: Find the Cost of Freedom by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

BOOK: Is This Any Way to Run a Democratic Election? by Stephen J. Wayne

POEM: Possibilities by Wislawa Szymborska

I prefer movies.
I prefer cats.
I prefer the oaks along the river.
I prefer Dickens to Dostoyevsky.
I prefer myself liking people
to myself loving mankind.
I prefer keeping a needle and thread on hand, just in case.
I prefer the color green.
I prefer not to maintain
that reason is to blame for everything.
I prefer exceptions.
I prefer to leave early.
I prefer talking to doctors about something else.
I prefer the old fine-lined illustrations.
I prefer the absurdity of writing poems to the absurdity of not writing poems.
I prefer, where love's concerned, nonspecific anniversaries
that can be celebrated every day.
I prefer moralistswho promise me nothing.
I prefer cunning kindness to the over-trustful kind.
I prefer the earth in civvies.
I prefer conquered to conquering countries.
I prefer having some reservations.
I prefer the hell of chaos to the hell of order.
I prefer Grimms' fairy tales to the newspapers' front pages.
I prefer leaves without flowers to flowers without leaves.
I prefer dogs with uncropped tails.
I prefer light eyes, since mine are dark.
I prefer desk drawers.
I prefer many things that I haven't mentioned here
to many things I've also left unsaid.
I prefer zeroes on the loose
to those lined up behind a cipher.
I prefer the time of insects to the time of stars.
I prefer to knock on wood.
I prefer not to ask how much longer and when.
I prefer keeping in mind even the possibility
that existence has its own reason for being.

QUOTE: "Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." ~ Arundhati Roy