Stay Gentle (Brandi Carlile)

[Art by the amazing A. Silivonchik]

First of all, I need to stop apologizing that I I haven't posted in two days, two weeks, two months.  Ack... and oh f*cking well!  Life has been blissfully, joyfully, delightfully... well... full... 😄

Case in point:  my 68th birthday was this past Friday (August 5).  I spent the morning in the Hope Garden, then most of the rest of the day at my laptop, and posted the following a few minutes before midnight (here's the fundraiser I created to benefit The Caring Community, which has changed my life over the last year.  My goal was $200, which has, only four days in, more than doubled... 💖):

" “There’s a particular feeling in your body when something goes right after a long time of things going wrong. It feels warm and sweet and loose... For a moment all my bees have turned to honey.” ~ Lily King, Writers & Lovers

Thanks again to my friends and family for contributing (via your posts and comments, text messages, phone calls, fundraiser donations, gifts, etc.) to one of the best birthdays I've had in a very long time.  Many of you know I deactivated my Susan Moss account in late-December 2019, meaning I went two years without fanfare, until I was encouraged to create a "ghost" profile (Daisy!) for my gardening presence.  Despite its many frustrations and glitches, there is really just nothing like a Facebook birthday!  I am grateful to you all for making me feel loved and appreciated... 🌼

This aging thing is not for the faint of heart but, so far, I still have my original knees, hips, shoulders... as well as eyes, lungs, and kidneys (none of which I take for granted).  I'd like to think I have also retained my generosity of spirit, my unrelenting optimism, my joie de vivre.  I can even get out in the garden every week, although this summer's heat has taken its toll on my endurance.  Biggest lesson:  Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!

Actually, no; it's Expectations.  Inheritance from my mom + Leo tendencies = disaster.  One of my major life lessons in the last decade has been letting go of them (I have slips now and then), and I find that life is easier and I am happier as a result.  New Day, Tabula Rasa, Starting Over has become a mantra.  I am also working harder to re-set my boundaries, such that everyone's default is based on a respectful, loving place.  If we model it, they will come (around...  😍)

As Joni sings:  

"Calendars of our lives circled with compromise

Sweet bird of time and change, you must be laughing..."

So am I! "

And then this:

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY, week beginning August 4, copyright 2022 by Rob Brezsny

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the coming weeks, Leo, I urge you to always be confident that YOU ARE THE PARTY! Everywhere you go, bring the spirits of fun and revelry. Be educationally entertaining and entertainingly educational. Amuse yourself by making life more interesting for everyone. At the same time, be kind and humble, never arrogant or insensitive. A vital part of your assignment is to nourish and inspire others with your radiance and charm. That formula will ensure you get everything you need. I foresee bounty flowing your way! PS: Regularly reward your admirers and followers with your magnanimous Chesire-cat grin.

And this:  August 5 birthdays:  Neil Armstrong, Wendell Berry, Loni Anderson, Rick Derringer, Maureen McCormick, Mark O'Connor (to name the ones I recognize!)

P.S.  Cynthia is throwing a Croning Party for me next week, which will most certainly be blogworthy... ✌ 💥 💞

SONG:  Stay Gentle by Brandi Carlile

BOOK:  To The Women: words to live by... by Donna Ashworth

POEM(S):  Change the Way You See by Donna Ashworth

I don’t have crow’s feet,

I have happy happy memories of laughing with friends until the tears flowed.

I don’t have frown lines,

I have the marks of my frustration and confusion, which I battled through, smiling in the end.

I am not going grey,

I have shimmering highlights of wisdom, dashed throughout my silver hair.

I don’t have scars,

I have symbols of the strength I was able to find, when life got tough.

I don’t have stretch marks,

I have the marks of growth and the marks of motherhood. My womanly evolution.

I am not fat,

I bear the evidence of a life filled with abundance, blessings and good times.

I am not just forgetful,

I have a mind so full of stories, memories and moments there is scarce room to hold much else.

I am not old,

I am blessed, with a life of great length, something not everyone can say.

Don’t change the way you look my friend,

change the way you see,

change the way you see.

home body by rupi kaur

give me laugh lines and wrinkles

i want proof of the jokes we shared

engrave the lines into my face like

the roots of a tree that grow deeper

with each passing year

i want sunspots as souvenirs

for the beaches we laid on

i want to look like i was

never afraid to let the world

take me by the hand

and show me what it’s made of

i want to leave this place knowing

i did something with my body

other than trying to

make it look perfect

QUOTE(S):  “I want to live the rest of my life, however long or short, with as much sweetness as I can decently manage, loving all the people I love, and doing as much as I can of the work I still have to do. I am going to write fire until it comes out of my ears, my eyes, my noseholes, everywhere. Until it's every breath I breathe. I'm going to go out like a fucking meteor!” ~ Audre Lorde

"I was pondering yesterday why I am enjoying getting older so very much. I think it's because of this fact: That unless you are making a sincere effort to wake up early every single morning and work hard at staying stupid, then you are probably — just by sheer default — getting smarter as you age. (Because seriously — you've gotta REALLY not be paying attention to life, to not be getting even a little bit more wise as you go along.) All that I have ever wanted and longed for was to be wiser, smarter, more clear, more peaceful, more expansive, more prepared for life. The years are bringing that intelligence, my dears... the years are bringing it at last. (And not a moment too soon, may I add.) I look forward to all that I have yet to learn. I plan to keep paying attention, and to let it all in. Stronger by the year, better by the day. It's awesome." ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Love Don't Need a Reason (Michael Callen)

I think it's interesting that the recent Black Lives Matter protests have led people to also explore the history of the LGBTQ movement, and to surprisingly discover that the latter was sparked by black trans women (Stonewall Uprising, June 28, 1969).  I am saddened that we cannot march this month (June) for Pride (one of the most transformative moments of my life a few years ago) so, in solidarity, I watched Disclosure last night, and The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson and From Selma to Stonewall: Are We There Yet? tonight, all fascinating and eye-opening, as well as horrifying.  We believe we've come so far, and there are still many murders of transgender or gender non-conforming people (27 in 2019, and already 16 in 2020).  When will it stop?

SONG:  Love Don't Need a Reason by Michael Callen

BOOK(S):  We Are Everywhere: Protest, Power, and Pride in the History of Queer Liberation by Matthew Riemer, Leighton Brown

Julián Is a Mermaid by Jessica Love

POEM:  A Litany for Survival by Audre Lorde

For those of us who live at the shoreline
standing upon the constant edges of decision
crucial and alone
for those of us who cannot indulge
the passing dreams of choice
who love in doorways coming and going
in the hours between dawns
looking inward and outward
at once before and after
seeking a now that can breed
futures
like bread in our children’s mouths
so their dreams will not reflect
the death of ours;

For those of us
who were imprinted with fear
like a faint line in the center of our foreheads
learning to be afraid with our mother’s milk
for by this weapon
this illusion of some safety to be found
the heavy-footed hoped to silence us
For all of us
this instant and this triumph
We were never meant to survive.

And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid

So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive.

QUOTE:  “When all Americans are treated as equal, no matter who they are or whom they love, we are all more free.” ~ Former U.S. President Barack Obama

Superhero (Ani DiFranco)

I'd prefer not to go into the significance of this song... but suffice it to say it has (or had) power over me, rather than the other way around - fear and helplessness, begone (ZAP, BAM, POW!).

Also wanted to add that years ago, it finally clicked that She-Ra is the feminization of hero - I love the concept... and use the term whenever I have the opportunity... :-)

SONG: Superhero by Ani DiFranco

BOOK: Fearless Women: Midlife Portraits by Nancy Alspaugh, Marilyn Kentz, and Mary Ann Halpin

POEM: by Jeannine Hall Gailey ~ Female Comic Book Superheroes

are always fighting evil in a thong,
pulsing techno soundtrack in the background
as their tiny ankles thwack

against the bulk of male thugs,
They have names like Buffy, Elektra, or Storm
but excel in code decryption, Egyptology, and pyrotechnics.

They pout when tortured, but always escape just in time,
still impeccable in lip gloss and pointy-toed boots,
to rescue male partners, love interests, or fathers.

Impossible chests burst out of tight leather jackets,
from which they extract the hidden scroll, antidote, or dagger,
tousled hair covering one eye.

They return to their day jobs as forensic pathologists,
wearing their hair up and donning dainty glasses.
Of all the goddesses, these pneumatic heroines most

resemble Artemis, with her miniskirts and crossbow,
or Freya, with her giant gray cats.
Each has seen this apocalypse before.

See her perfect three-point landing on top of that chariot,
riding the silver moon into the horizon,
city crumbling around her heels.

QUOTE: "When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." ~ Audre Lord