Overjoyed (Christine Kane)

I've always loved the week between Christmas and New Year's Day; very chill, peaceful, quiet.  It's not quite the respite it used to be, now that I'm older, not to mention retired... but I still use it to recalibrate from the holiday chaos to hanging new calendars in my kitchen as well as my home office.  

I've done lots of reading, made easy-peasy meals, caught up on some off-beat holiday movies, enjoyed phone calls with friends who live close by as well as those who reside across state lines.  Today was Garden Day, always a delight... and tomorrow I'll finalize the Caring Community newsletter and maybe even prepare my holiday cards for mailing.  It is all good... 💖

In these last few days of 2022, I am embracing my imperfections, in awe of my flaws, counting my blessings, and creating my vision of what I want in the next 365 days... for myself, for my community, and for the world around me.

From the ever-wise Donna Ashworth:

Why do we start a new year, with promises to improve?

Who began this tradition of never-ending pressure?

I say, the end of a year, should be filled with congratulation, for all we survived.

And I say a new year should start with promises to be kinder to ourselves, to understand better just how much we bear, as humans on this exhausting treadmill of life.

And if we are to promise more, let’s pledge to rest, before our bodies force us.

Let’s pledge to stop, and drink in life as it happens.

Let’s pledge to strip away a layer of perfection to reveal the flawed and wondrous humanity we truly are inside.

Why start another year, gifted to us on this earth, with demands on our already over-strained humanity.

When we could be learning to accept, that we were always supposed to be imperfect.

And that is where the beauty lives, actually.

And if we can only find that beauty, we would also find peace.

I wish you peace in 2023.

Everything else is all just a part of it.

Let it be so.

SONG:  Overjoyed by Christine Kane

BOOK:  How to Kiss the Universe: An Inspirational Spiritual and Metaphysical Narrative about Human Origin, Essence and Destiny by Jozef Simkovic  

POEM:  Imaginary Conversation by Linda Pastan

You tell me to live each day

as if it were my last. This is in the kitchen

where before coffee I complain

of the day ahead—that obstacle race

of minutes and hours,

grocery stores and doctors.

But why the last? I ask. Why not

live each day as if it were the first—

all raw astonishment, Eve rubbing

her eyes awake that first morning,

the sun coming up

like an ingénue in the east?

You grind the coffee

with the small roar of a mind

trying to clear itself. I set

the table, glance out the window

where dew has baptized every

living surface.

QUOTE(S):  "At midnight on New Year's Eve, open your front door and back door, saying:  blow out the old, blow in the new, blow out the false and blow in the true.  So Mote It Be!"

"Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance." ~ Brené Brown

(Everybody's Waitin' for) The Man with a Plan (Laura Benanti and Randy Rainbow)

What a great day!  Wept through much of it, smiled through most of it, laughed at a few parts, drank mimosas as Joe was reciting the Oath.  Such a beautiful, gracious, kind transfer of power.  Lady Gaga!  Amanda Gorman! (22-year-old Youth Poet Laureate, who I blogged about back in June 2020; her use of assonance and alliteration was remarkably powerful, in counterpoint to her youthful appearance and sweet speech impediment), Jill Biden's coat!

Both Biden's and Harris' families are absolutely beautiful.  Everyone in the crowd was wearing masks, just the first of 100-days-urged.  Even *I* sang along to Amazing Grace, as Garth Brooks invited.  So many executive orders signed.  And I am actually watching the news again! First press briefing of the new administration (after a year of *none*!): informational, coherent, personable, non-defensive. Monday through Friday. Imagine that! 

Rachel Maddow says that the vibe in our country today was "a return to radical normalcy".  Well-said... 😍

There is still much to accomplish, as well as regain, but with experienced and compassionate leaders at the helm, we can do this... 💖

SONG:  (Everybody's Waitin' for) The Man with a Plan by Laura Benanti and Randy Rainbow

BOOK:  Promises to Keep:  On Life and Politics by Joe Biden

POEM(S):  Remembering Frost at Kennedy’s Inauguration by Linda Pastan

Even the flags seemed frozen

to their poles, and the men

stamping their well-shod feet

resembled an army of overcoats.

But we were young and fueled

by hope, our ardor burned away

the cold. We were the president’s,

and briefly the president would be ours.

The old poet stumbled

over his own indelible words,

his breath a wreath around his face:

a kind of prophecy.

[A Note from the Editor, written 1/20/21:  60 years ago, John F. Kennedy was inaugurated as the 35th President of the United States. Robert Frost became the first poet to read at a US inaugural ceremony, reading his poem "The Gift Outright" from memory, after he was unable to read a poem he wrote for the occasion. Today, the young poet Amanda Gorman will be reading a poem at President Joe Biden's inauguration. In 2014 Gorman was named the first Youth Poet Laureate of Los Angeles, and in 2017 was named the first US National Youth Poet Laureate. She has performed at many prominent venues, including the Obama White House, the Library of Congress, Lincoln Center, and on CBS This Morning.]

The Hill We Climb by Amanda Gorman (watch it here!)

When day comes we ask ourselves,

where can we find light in this never-ending shade?

The loss we carry,

a sea we must wade

We've braved the belly of the beast

We've learned that quiet isn't always peace

And the norms and notions

of what just is

Isn’t always just-ice

And yet the dawn is ours

before we knew it

Somehow we do it

Somehow we've weathered and witnessed

a nation that isn’t broken

but simply unfinished

We the successors of a country and a time

Where a skinny Black girl

descended from slaves and raised by a single mother

can dream of becoming president

only to find herself reciting for one

And yes we are far from polished

far from pristine

but that doesn’t mean we are

striving to form a union that is perfect

We are striving to forge a union with purpose

To compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and

conditions of man

And so we lift our gazes not to what stands between us

but what stands before us

We close the divide because we know, to put our future first,

we must first put our differences aside

We lay down our arms

so we can reach out our arms

to one another

We seek harm to none and harmony for all

Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true:

That even as we grieved, we grew

That even as we hurt, we hoped

That even as we tired, we tried

That we’ll forever be tied together, victorious

Not because we will never again know defeat

but because we will never again sow division

Scripture tells us to envision

that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree

And no one shall make them afraid

If we’re to live up to our own time

Then victory won’t lie in the blade

But in all the bridges we’ve made

That is the promise to glade

The hill we climb

If only we dare

It's because being American is more than a pride we inherit,

it’s the past we step into

and how we repair it

We’ve seen a force that would shatter our nation

rather than share it

Would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy

And this effort very nearly succeeded

But while democracy can be periodically delayed

it can never be permanently defeated

In this truth

in this faith we trust

For while we have our eyes on the future

history has its eyes on us

This is the era of just redemption

We feared at its inception

We did not feel prepared to be the heirs

of such a terrifying hour

but within it we found the power

to author a new chapter

To offer hope and laughter to ourselves

So while once we asked,

how could we possibly prevail over catastrophe?

Now we assert

How could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?

We will not march back to what was

but move to what shall be

A country that is bruised but whole,

benevolent but bold,

fierce and free

We will not be turned around

or interrupted by intimidation

because we know our inaction and inertia

will be the inheritance of the next generation

Our blunders become their burdens

But one thing is certain:

If we merge mercy with might,

and might with right,

then love becomes our legacy

and change our children’s birthright

So let us leave behind a country

better than the one we were left with

Every breath from my bronze-pounded chest,

we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one

We will rise from the gold-limbed hills of the west,

we will rise from the windswept northeast

where our forefathers first realized revolution

We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the midwestern states,

we will rise from the sunbaked south

We will rebuild, reconcile and recover

and every known nook of our nation and

every corner called our country,

our people diverse and beautiful will emerge,

battered and beautiful

When day comes we step out of the shade,

aflame and unafraid

The new dawn blooms as we free it

For there is always light,

if only we’re brave enough to see it

If only we’re brave enough to be it

QUOTE(S):  "Whatever your past has been, you have a spotless future." ~ Melanie Gustafson

“When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man’s concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.” ~ John F. Kennedy

She's Leaving Home (The Beatles)

My daughter Sarah just moved out... albeit to a friend's house less than 3 miles away, and on very good terms - it was just time. Rewind to almost 10 years ago, a letter I sent to a friend after she left for college and recently ran across - I save everything (which is one of the purposes of this blog, so I can now keep it all in one place.. :-)

Subj: When[She]Was a Boy/The Great Unknown/This is Not the House That Pain Built (Dar)
Date: 06-20-99

Well, it's a done deal - Sarah backed out of the driveway just a short while ago, and I'm heavily immersed in mixed emotions of the highest degree. Oh god, I have never felt so physically sad in my entire life - I kept a brave face right up until she left, and then I just looked at Robert and fell apart. I was sobbing... huge intakes of breath, accompanied by wracking spasms that just overtook my body - in my subconscious, I remember thinking afterwards that must be what *keening* meant. All those years I had read in novels about Irish women crying as if their hearts would break - I completely understood, and it took me a long time to recover...

The University of Central Florida orientation was very well-organized, with the students and families spending an hour or so together at the beginning, in the middle and at the end of the day - the rest of the time found us on divergent schedules, with the parents engaged in various financial aid, library and administrative excursions and our children immersed in registration, campus life and bookstore pursuits. The grounds are absolutely gorgeous, with all housing, academic, and social facilities grouped together in one contiguous and easily-accessible campus - we did lots of walking, which felt wonderful, considering my tight and indoor routine of late. The total enrollment, including graduate and evening students, is a bit over 30,000 (a far cry from my West Georgia College days of 6,000), but it seems very manageable considering - Sarah's choice to begin summer term seems a smart one, as she will have a jump on all other incoming freshmen, as far as learning all the short cuts, both literally and figuratively, in a smaller, more controlled environment. A few of her friends are attending UCF, so she'll have some ready-made relationships already - but, knowing Sarah (and that the nut doesn't fall far from the tree), she will jump into new situations with both feet, both of us sharing the same philosophy that "strangers are just friends you haven't met yet"... :-)

We had some special time to spend with her, both during the four-hour-each-way drive and a bit in the hotel room too - even Robert and I were able to enjoy some alone-together time (very unusual, given our normal hectic tag-team parenting and partnering schedules), getting just a taste of what "the empty nest syndrome" felt like, and talking through our various concerns, cares and commmitments for her academic and social future success. I saw Sarah begin to take on the persona of a young adult, ready to be responsible for herself, and I found myself ready to let go, as I watched the joy on her face at her new surroundings and her total confidence that she would be *just fine* - seeing where she would be living, attending classes, and taking her meals went a long way toward my comfort level, as I always say I am a visual learner, and I had to view her surroundings in order to be able to imagine her there, even from a distance of over 200 miles (I think I can... I think I can... I think I can... :-)

Sarah and I had a lovely afternoon yesterday, as we went shopping for color-coordinated comforters, towels, rugs, dishes, glasses, utensils, cookware and various toiletries and sundries that will get her kicked off for the semester - her student accommodations are just for the summer (as she will be moving into a dorm in the fall), and are along the lines of a shared kitchen and living room area suite, with four bedrooms off a long hall, and two bathrooms. She was so excited about the prospect of setting up housekeeping, oohing and aahing over every little spatula, soap dish and sheet set - I wish I could be a fly on the wall this evening, watching her equip that little institutional cell as if it were The Taj Majal... :-)

Oh, but I've had the *most* fun putting together a CARE package for her, that she was instructed to wait to open when she gets up to school this evening - I included some magnetic poetry (since she and her friends, most especially Ryan of "roses are foreplay" fame, have had more fun with mine); a fairy (she *loves* fairies!) address book, with all the special people in her life already written in; the CD soundtrack to the TV show Felicity (since the character is away at college, and reminds me of Sarah, in her physical looks, her hair, and her personality); a small book of the fake Kurt Vonnegut commencement address sunscreen speech (cute, with some good advice, however trite...); dubbed copies of the cassettes of mine she borrows most often (Best Of... Buffett; Van Morrison; Joni; and... Dar, of course!); a book called In Praise and Celebration of Daughters, which Robert and I both lengthily and lovingly inscribed on the front and back flyleafs; and, last but not least, the famous mix tape I stayed up until 1 a.m. last night/this morning making for her.

The set list:

Side A:

The End of the Summer (Dar Williams)

Nightswimming (R.E.M.)

The Circle Game (Joni Mitchell)

The Secret O' Life (James Taylor)

Forever Young (Joan Baez)

Little Miss Magic (Jimmy Buffett)

Autumn to May (Priscilla Herdman)

The Things We've Handed Down (Mark Cohn)

Who Have You Been (and who are you now) - (Carrie Newcomer)

Brown-Eyed Girl (Van Morrison)

You've Got a Friend (Carole King)

Joy (George Winston)

Side B:

Feet of a Dancer (Maura O'Connell)

Box of Visions (Tom Russell)

Come From the Heart (Kathy Mattea)

In My Life (The Beatles)

The Choice (Four Bitchin' Babes)

Better Things (The Kinks)

Might As Well Dance (Patty Larkin)

Imagine (John Lennon)

With You Without You (Amy Carol Webb)

I Got You Babe (UB40 with Chrissie Hynde)

Closer to Fine (Indigo Girls)

I Will Pass This Way Again (Small Potatoes)

Teenagers, Kick Our Butts (Dar Williams)

Yes, this was a true labor of love, and a necessity in making this transition tangible - the songs speak for themselves, and they also speak for me, as they are a musical journey of remembering who she was, cherishing who she is, and imagining who she will be. God, I'm going to miss her - right now I feel like a walking illustration of that scene from one of the Indiana Jones movies (Temple of Doom?), where the village witch doctor plunges his hand up to the wrist into a native's chest, and physically rips his heart out...

Okay, okay, I admit it, I'm crying now, but they have gone from tears of sadness and regret over the last few months to tears of joy and pride in the last 4 days - d*mmit, she's a wonderful young woman, and one I'd be glad to call friend, even if I weren't lucky enough to have her for a daughter. Yes, we've had our ups and downs, but I am sending her off into the world with a good head on her shoulders, boundless love in her heart, and a generosity of spirit some people can only dream about - I take at least partial credit for giving her roots and wings, so she can stay grounded when she needs to and soar without limits when she feels the urge. Sarah is gone, and she will come back, and she will be different, and that is as it should be - she's leaving home, bye bye... =*)

Check out this excerpt, written by Pam Brown, from the book we gave her:

Where did she go, the small, fat creature

Staggering toward me?

Where did she go,

the shy child clutching my hand?

I feel her bird bones still,

still see her face tight shut against the rain.

One day I found her gone,

a stranger in her place,

speaking another language.

Strange that I have no recollection of her return.

Yet here she is - girl grown to woman.

And having won a heart, a brain, the courage of a lion,

All the lost days brought back in friendship.

Now we meet as equals,

having forgiven one another,

having learned to love, having rediscovered laughter.

~~~~~~~~~~

And we did rediscover laughter, as equals - Sarah earned her degree in four years (Marketing major, Public Relations minor) and stayed up in Orlando another two years after graduating. She then asked if she could come home to work for a year, earn money to pay off credit cards and then get back out into the world - well, that one year segued into two and a half, but it's been a most delightful time, as I've watched her become immersed in a corporate yet fun environment (Hard Rock Cafe Hotel and Casino), segueing from concierge to the Special Events department, learning through doing, frustration and criticism... yet still maintaining her optimistic point of view (wonder who she inherited that from?... :-)

While living here, she's paid her own bills, bought her own groceries and maintained a responsible lifestyle, even calling if she's going to stay out all night - hey, as Anne Tyler wrote in Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant, "there's no statute of limitations on motherhood", and I can't help but worry. She's good company in the evenings, especially if Robert is traveling or off on soccer weekends - she includes me in her activities and life struggles, and I'm careful to just listen and refrain from advice, except when asked.

When we watched the Academy Awards the other night, as they were flashing the 80 years of Oscar Best Film winners, she turned to me and said, "Mommy, I should rent one of those each week and I'll come over so we can watch it together" - I replied, "that will take us a year and a half!", to which her response was "we've got time."

And we do - Sarah called me mid-day today to fill me in on her last two nights in the new place, as well as just chat about little things: an upcoming event at work, her friend's wedding plans, a first date this Friday night. When she left Sunday night, I gave her a ceramic heart jar with the saying, "dare to believe in yourself" on the outside and "live love laugh" (her favorite saying) on the inside - we will take these proverbs to heart (no pun intended) as we begin this new life transition... for both of us...

SONG: She's Leaving Home by The Beatles

BOOK: In Praise and Celebration of Daughters by Helen Exley (Editor)

POEM: To A Daughter Leaving Home by Linda Pastan

When I taught you

at eight to ride

a bicycle, loping along

beside you

as you wobbled away

on two round wheels,

my own mouth rounding

in surprise when you pulled

ahead down the curved

path of the park,

I kept waiting

for the thud

of your crash as I

sprinted to catch up,

while you grew

smaller, more breakable

with distance,

pumping, pumping

for your life, screaming

with laughter,

the hair flapping

behind you like a

handkerchief waving

goodbye.

QUOTE: "A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart." ~ Author Unknown

We're Stronger Than That (Amy Rigby)

R and I met when he was a senior and I was a sophomore in college (Fall 1974) - one Sunday a group of my friends had been challenged to an impromptu football game by another group on campus, and I went along to watch. I was recruited to be one of the down-marker (two pointed brooms with string tied between) holders - R flirted with me all day, but saw me leaving with my "gang" and assumed I was dating one of them (I wasn't). The next day I was in my usual spot/routine in The Student Center, drinking coffee/reading a book/smoking cigarettes (gave up that bad habit when I found out I was pregnant with S, over 26 years ago) - he came up, introduced himself to me and asked permission to sit down.

I was impressed by his good manners, among other things, and we were an item for the remainder of the year - he graduated with a degree in Latin American Studies and got a job in Ft. Campbell, Kentucky counseling servicemen. I stayed to finish my degree and we carried on a long-distance relationship for the remaining two years, writing, calling and visiting when we could - the April of *my* senior year, he asked me to marry him (after a particularly memorable lovemaking session) and we rolled out of bed to call our parents to share the good news - I graduated in June and we were married the following September.

An aside: During my last two years of school, I worked at a clothing boutique not far from the college - I would walk there directly after classes, putting in about 30 hours a week and getting a 30% discount. R and I had only been dating a few months when this beautiful dress came into the store - I knew then I had to have it, whether to be married or buried (whichever came first) in such elegance, and I put it on layaway immediately. It was an off-white muslin with long, crocheted-lace sleeves and an empire bodice (very Guinevere-ish) - the big joke in my family is that, with my discount, I paid $28. When my wedding day was finally announced, my mom tried hard to talk me into something more traditional but I would not be swayed - I still love that dress...

We stayed in our small college town for the next 8 years, moving temporarily to Atlanta en route to Puerto Rico (where we put in 4 1/2 years, a company transfer) - back to Atlanta for almost three years and then to South Florida, where we've resided for the last 15. Ups and downs, ins and outs, betters and worses go with the territory - we've lived to tell about it ("fairy tales and diaper pails" indeed... :-)

SONG: We're Stronger Than That by Amy Rigby

BOOK: Why I'm Still Married: Women Write Their Hearts Out on Love, Loss, Sex, and Who Does the Dishes by Karen Propp, Jean Trounstine

POEM: After An Absence by Linda Pastan

After an absence that was no one's fault
we are shy with each other,
and our words seem younger than we are,
as if we must return to the time we met
and work ourselves back to the present,
the way you never read a story
from the place you stopped
but always start each book all over again.
Perhaps we should have stayed
tied like mountain climbers
by the safe cord of the phone,
its dial our own small prayer wheel,
our voices less ghostly across the miles,
less awkward than they are now.
I had forgotten the grey in your curls,
that splash of winter over your face,
remembering the younger man
you used to be.

And I feel myself turn old and ordinary,
having to think again of food for supper,
the animals to be tended, the whole riptide
of daily life hidden but perilous
pulling both of us under so fast.
I have dreamed of our bed
as if it were a shore where we would be washed up,
not this striped mattress
we must cover with sheets. I had forgotten
all the old business between us,
like mail unanswered so long that silence
becomes eloquent, a message of its own.
I had even forgotten how married love
is a territory more mysterious
the more it is explored, like one of those terrains
you read about, a garden in the desert
where you stoop to drink, never knowing
if your mouth will fill with water or sand.

QUOTE: "Wasn’t marriage, like life, unstimulating and unprofitable and somewhat empty when too well-ordered and protected and guarded. Wasn’t it finer, more splendid, more nourishing when it was, like life itself, a mixture of the sordid and the magnificent; of mud and stars; of earth and flowers; of love and hate and laughter and tears and ugliness and beauty and hurt." ~ Edna Ferber

You Rise and Meet the Day (Dar Williams)

Today is my 31st wedding anniversary - it's been a long-standing joke of mine that, like the famous 12-step program, we do our marriage One Day at a Time (that's 11,315 days... but who's counting?... :-)

My husband R is of Brazilian descent and I am of Italian/Native American heritage... so emotions run high most of the time - we pendulum between pondering what to name our wished-for houseboat when we retire... to me threatening to run away with the Renaissance Festival each February.

When it comes to troubleshooting, I am in constant awe of R's ability to stay calm, to let go and to move forward, in all aspects of his life - his oft-repeated phrase is "let's not worry about how something got to be a problem - let's just figure out how to fix it". Wow - with my tendency to finger-point, internalize and dramatize, he sets a wonderful example...

So much more to say and my brain just won't go there right now - I think I'm in overwhelmed, speechless mode (take a picture... :-)

Cheers to the two of us for our perseverence, patience and passion with each other - tomorrow is another day!

P.S. In honor of us, Relationships will be the theme the remainder of the week...

SONG: You Rise and Meet the Day by Dar Williams

BOOK: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix

POEM: I Married You by Linda Pastan

I married you
for all the wrong reasons,
charmed by your
dangerous family history,
by the innocent muscles, bulging
like hidden weapons
under your shirt,
by your naive ties, the colors
of painted scraps of sunset.
I was charmed too
by your assumptions
about me: my serenity—
that mirror waiting to be cracked,
my flashy acrobatics with knives
in the kitchen.
How wrong we both were
about each other,
and how happy we have been.

QUOTE: "Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle." ~ Amy Bloom