Breathe Deep (Sleeping At Last)

For a variety of reasons, it may have been one of my best days since Eric died (11 weeks ago today).

First of all, I have the privilege of hanging out with my Sweet Babboo because Sarah is away on a work trip;  I spent last night, I drove him to school this morning, I'll head back over there as soon as I hit Send here (he and Chico are kicking the soccer ball around), Lather. Rinse. Repeat. (and I even get to set out Buddy the Elf, a tradition I am thrilled was not around when my kids were little... 😂)

I also spent time with Cynthia this a.m.; when I told her homeopathic self that I hadn't been able to take deep breaths in the last almost-three-months, she asked me for two hours of my time.  Oh my.  Whew.  Amazing.  Here's the thank-you note I just sent:

Oh, Cynthia... there are no words eloquent enough to thank you for the Lavender/Rose tea... the CoExist bag filled with Rescue Remedy, ignatia amara pellets, Good Grief drops... the Magic Swinging Bed hypnosis portal... and our deep conversation... all adding up to the generous gift of your time, energy, and love this morning.

In the span of two hours, you were so instrumental in eliciting from me a cleansing cry (more than one, actually), deep breaths (finally!), and (so much more) peace of mind.  You are such a good, true, loving (and loved in return) friend.

Mmmmm.  I still smell like lavender... 💜

And... I received a package from my friend Michele's daughter Brynna of gorgeous handmade bamboo windchimes, with decorative as well as meaningful owl feathers (if you know, you know, right?), accompanied by a heartfelt note.  Can't wait until my very tall husband comes home, so he can hang them on my balcony... 🦉

And... I had a phone conversation with my friend Pam, who has been in the hospital for over two months (diagnosed with Guillain-Barre Syndrome), with more rehab and therapy ahead.  From a terrifying diagnosis... to an induced coma... to trach surgery... to hearing her actual voice, I wept like a f*cking baby.  Baby Steps, with a renewed vow of self-care, move her forward every day.   

I am unbelievably grateful for the love and support sent my way every minute of every day, and I promise to pay it forward.  Did I say Grateful?... 💗

SONG:  Breathe Deep by Sleeping At Last

BOOK:  Catching Your Breath in Grief ...and grace will lead you home by Thomas Attig, William Rathje (Photographer)

POEM(S):  Sorting Things Out by Edward Hujsak

Gather all your memories

inside your circled arms

and clasped hands.

Be still and breathe deeply.

Gaze down and place

them all in order.

Let times of joy

and exhilaration

rise to the top.

Make room

for days of grief

and make a special place

for when you reached out

and helped another.

Let darker memories

sink to the bottom,

hidden in haze.

An expiation,

each soul owes to itself.

Winter Solstice by Jody Aliesan

Thinking only makes the heart sore. — I Ching

when you startle awake in the dark morning

heart pounding breathing fast

sitting bolt upright staring into

dark whirlpool black hole

feeling its suction

get out of bed

knock at the door of your nearest friend

ask to lie down beside ask to be held

listen while whispered words

turn the hole into deep night sky

stars close together

winter moon rising over white fields

nearby wren rustling dry leaves

distant owl echoing

two people walking up the road laughing

let your soul laugh

let your heart sigh out

that long held breath so hollow in your stomach

so swollen in your throat

already light is returning pairs of wings

lift softly off your eyelids one by one

each feathered edge clearer between you

and the pearl veil of day

you have nothing to do but live

QUOTE(S):  “Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” ~ Unknown

“You need not wade through the mists and bogs to reach the moon.

You need not climb a ladder of cobweb.

You need not ride the stallions that wicker in the sea’s pounding surf.

Draw back the curtain and open the window.

Breathe the bracing air and listen:

The whinny of an owl, the click of the bat,

The grunt of a buck and the distant roar of the train.

The full moon will spill a milky road before you.

That is all the pathway you will need.”

~ Beth Weaver-Kreider

"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Gautama Buddha