In a World of My Own (from Alice in Wonderland)

As I was out running errands last Thursday (and by running errands, I mean doing a drive-thru library pick-up of books I had on reserve), I looked in the rearview mirror and realized I resembled The Invisible Man (H. G. Wells' version, not Ralph Ellison's...  😎 )

 I desperately need a haircut (I've actually done some self-snipping a time or two with the problem areas) so, many days, I just throw on a headband that color-coordinates with my outfit and channel my inner Keith Richards.  Who gives a sh*t.  I don't venture out into the world often (except to the aforementioned library), and it's not like any of them know or care what I look like anyway, right?

In the last week, I seem to have made a very conscious decision to not only go down the rabbit hole, but stay there (go ask Alice...  ;-)  Back to feeling blah, weird, roly-poly-ish, and knowing I am not very good company right now, even for phone calls or Zoom or texts.  I honestly don't need cheering up; there is nothing anyone can do to snap me out of this funk.  It's all on me.  Lots of stressors, family and otherwise, that have left me frustrated and helpless.  As is often the case, allowing myself the benefit of the wallow usually works, until I can rise to my better self.  I'll get there, and thanking everyone in advance for their patience and understanding.

What I really need is a massage, which I haven't had since early-March.  I am a member of the Massage Envy wellness program but, because I have been so risk-averse for the last 3+ months, it doesn't make sense to take a chance (even though I totally trust my tried-and-true Karen!).  Despite my tendency to b*tch and shut down on a regular basis, my dear saint of a husband gives me a back rub almost every night.  His picture is next to the phrase "unconditional love" in the dictionary... 💓


SONG:  In a World of My Own from Alice in Wonderland (flip side:  Blink-182's Rabbit Hole)

BOOK:  Through the Rabbit Hole: Explore and Experience the Shamanic Journey and Energy Medicine by Jan Engels-Smith

POEM:  Fog by Alison Luterman

We don’t have snow here
but some mornings the whole world
is white and hushed and soft with fog
and whatever troubles we went to sleep
clutched to our thudding hearts
have loosened overnight and are dissolving
in mist. The regal hills
to the East have been erased
behind a cottony scrim, and people
appear to appear
out of nowhere in the dawn hush.
An old woman in mask and gloves
pushes her shopping cart
full of salvaged empties. A mother hauls
two babies up the street, one in a backpack,
one in a stroller. A man
with dreadlocks and headphones
cruises by on his bike,
no-hands. All of them
whoosh into the frame
and then vanish. Like the future, or the past,
or some other dimension, alive,
but invisible to us.

[Alison Luterman: “I feel a kind of mental fogginess creeping in as we enter week infinity of sheltering-in-place with no certainty about what the future holds—not that we ever had certainty, not really. At times like these it’s helpful for me to remember that there has always been mystery at the heart of life.”]

QUOTE(S):  "I'm a little hibernating animal. Anonymity is one of my favorite things. I mean, that's why I moved to New York when I was like 18, because there, there are just so many people that there's no one and you're just lost. You're completely invisible and I find that very liberating." ~ Ani DiFranco

"Bizarrely, I actually feel safer the older I get, like people will expect less from me, and I can become more and more invisible, yet more and more eccentric." ~ Marian Keyes

"I've always been a very sensitive person, and people tell me that if I'm in a certain mood, and I go into a room, my mood will permeate the room. It's not on purpose - I'd rather be invisible in those moments - but I'm really bad at faking how I feel." ~ Rooney Mara