Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Que Hago Ahora? (Silvio Rodriguez)


From today's Writer's Almanac:

Today is Cinco de Mayo, which celebrates Mexico's defeat of French invaders at the Battle of Puebla in 1862. Cinco de Mayo has actually become a bigger holiday in the United States than in Mexico, where it is mostly a regional holiday in Puebla. There are large Cinco de Mayo celebrations - with parades, music, and food - in Los Angeles, Denver, Portland, St. Paul, and other cities across the country.

Cinco de Mayo... a.k.a. Day One again... a.k.a. Carpe Diem Uno - how many Day Ones will it take to recalibrate my brain and realign my focus and reprioritize my habits? (oh f*cking my!)...

I've been sliding right back into To Do List mode, and am suffering these days from Exploding Brain Syndrome - I'm behind in my concert series PR, still haven't gotten out this month's folk club newsletter, have to do some major research/legwork for some caregiving services for my ever-worsening mom, have been virtually non-existent to dear M whose mom passed away a few months ago, my friend A just got out of the hospital (open heart surgery) and I've yet to deliver the food I promised, R moved out and E moved back from college and the transition of furniture, etc. is exhausting... and the beat goes on. All of these equally-important but hard-to-keep-up-with responsibilities have thrown me into a panic - I feel woefully inadequate these days and unable to keep up... as a professional, as a daughter, as a friend...

MH called to ask me to walk this morning, which helped tremendously... and we've already planned to do it again tomorrow - I need to get back on the proverbial horse that threw me. If only good intentions translated to daily life - however, the reality is that follow-through is key... and I just have to figure out ways of doing things differently...

In the meantime, I'm trying to operate from a place of love - it's grounding, fueling and ultimately, despite the cliche, all you need...


This is now. Now is,
all there is. Don't wait for Then;
strike the spark, light the fire.

Sit at the Beloved's table,
feast with gusto, drink your fill

then dance
the way branches
of jasmine and cypress
dance in a spring wind.

The green earth
is your cloth;
tailor your robe
with dignity and grace.

QUOTE: "Every beginning is a consequence - every beginning ends some thing." ~ Paul Valery

Posted by Susan at 11:59 PM

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2 comments:

  1. suzibirdMay 7, 2009 at 10:42 PM

    Ah, the frustrating feeling of not getting it all done. I believe in high expectations of ourselves but sometimes I think mine verge on totally unrealistic!! Or is it that I'm too sissy to prioritize, to make the difficult decisions about what I can do and what must remain left undone... or perhaps to be another's responsibility. Deciding the things we want to accomplish is the fun part... choosing the things we really just can't do is extremely difficult.

    Let's revel in our accomplishments however small or few they may be.... and yes, love is the key!

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  2. SusanMay 8, 2009 at 1:04 AM

    Hey, suzibird ~

    You are absolutely right on all counts - we can be entirely too hard on ourselves. I do accomplish much in my day/week/month, all volunteer and worthy and philanthropic - the difficult part *is* the choice, and I feel that I disappoint others (and myself) when I can't *do it all*!

    I know in my heart (growth opportunity) that I need to accept less, delegate more and downsize existing obligations - wish me luck... :-)

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