Merry Christmas from the Family (Robert Earl Keen)

A favorite recipe of ours at the holiday - enjoy and cheers!

Tequila Christmas Cookies
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tbsp lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup of nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle of Tequila

Sample the Tequila in a large glass to check quality. Take a large bowl, and check the Tequila again, to be sure it is of the Highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it's best to make sure the tequila is still ok, so try Another cup.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit and damm cup off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just Pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Tequila.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Put the bowl through the window, finish off the booze and make sure to Put the dirty stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS TO ALL!

SONG: Merry Christmas from the Family by Robert Earl Keen

BOOK: Holiday Cocktails: 50 Drinks to Celebrate the Season by Jessica Strand (Author), Laurie Frankel (Photographer)

POEM: Office Party by Phyllis McGinley

This holy night in open forum
Miss McIntosh, who handles Files,
Has lost one shoe and her decorum.
Stately, the frozen chairman smiles

On Media, desperately vocal.
Credit, though they have lost their hopes
Of edging toward an early Local,
Finger their bonus envelopes.

The glassy boys, the bursting girls
Of Copy, start a Conga clatter
To a swung carol. Limply curls
The final sandwich on the platter

Till hark! a herald Messenger
(Room 414) lifts up loudly
His quavering tenor. Salesmen stir
Libation for his Lily cup.

"Noel," he pipes, "Noel, Noel."
Some wag beats tempo with a ruler.
And the plump blonde from Personnel
Is sick behind the water cooler.

QUOTE: "There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them." ~ P.J. O'Rourke