Forgive me, friends... for my lost concentration; it has been three months since my last blog post (channeling my inner rebellious Catholic schoolgirl). No excuses, but valid reasons.
At the one-year mark of Eric's passing, the tree dedication… part of me thought it would be tied up neatly with a bow, as we had cycled through all the Firsts (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Eric’s birthday, etc.). Silly Me. The holidays rolled around… again… and I realized the Seconds were just as hard. I learned that, if decorating evokes pain, a holiday wreath and doormat will do (they did). Maybe even a holiday mug. Or not. If traditions are triggering, I can make new ones. Or not. There is a fine line between remembering and suffering… and there is no timeline on healing. Trying to (continue to) be gentle with myself.
I still have days when the thought of him makes my heart literally ache… when I can’t manage to get a deep breath… when I refuse to leave the comfort of my home. I worry that I am developing a severe case of Agoraphobia, yet a few things motivate me: Garden Day, dinner with a dear friend, a library run (ha!)... and others have me seriously weighing the options of many events which, in the past, would have me jumping at the opportunity. sigh...
One tradition I hope to always follow through on (my first being January 2008):
Inspired by Beth Weaver-Kreider's poem below, as well as the powerful song by Crys Matthews, my Word(s) of the Year are (Love) Revolution, on a political level as well as in my personal interactions... 💥✌💜
We have less than a week until Inauguration Day (Monday January 20, 2025), and I am taking advantage of the calm before the storm, not naive enough to think there aren't many proposed changes on the horizon, most of them for the worst. It is horrifying the nation chose Trump as our next/new leader (and when are we going to fix that broken Electoral College process?!?).
I am not one to finger-point nor name-call nor disparage, I very much subscribe to Lincoln's 1860 philosophy of “have faith that right makes might.", and I am fully prepared to do whatever it takes to fight back from a place of peaceful protest/non-violent demonstrations. My days of standing on street corners and marching through the public streets are not over. I even gave my daughter Sarah her own pussy hat for Christmas. Love Revolution. Both/And. Just. Do. It... 💘
From Crys:
This was created from six very specific muses -- my mom, Michelle Obama, Nelson Mandela, Rita Mae Brown, Julia Ward Howe, and Eva Cassidy (via Curtis Mayfield.)
After the outcome of the 2016 election, I was floored. I am an out, black, lesbian woman living in the south (although, thankfully not in the 'deep' south). I was terrified, which made me angry. My mom reminded me that she has seen many presidents come and go in her lifetime and is still standing. Love and faith guide her and that, she reminded me, should guide me.
"An army of lovers shall not fail" is a Rita Mae Brown quote that has come to mean a great deal to me. It's really just an amazingly beautiful sentiment that doesn't really need much context beyond that.
"When they go low, we go high" as famously spoken by Michelle Obama has become my mantra going in to 2017 and will be something I will try every day to embody during the next four years.
Nelson Mandela very eloquently said, “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”
The song People Get Ready was written by Curtis Mayfield. Released in 1965, the song's meaning was amplified by the climate in America during the civil rights movement. Eva Cassidy's cover of it has always resonated with me.
And last, but not least, which leads me to the title of the song... Julia Ward Howe is the woman who wrote the Battle Hymn of the Republic (aka Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory). Later she was a suffragette. She wrote, "let us live to make men free".
I thought, if these few principles could guide our government and our citizens we might all make it to 2020 in one piece (and maybe even in peace). And so, I give you my Battle Hymn for an Army of Lovers...
v1. Change is coming once again,
except this time it feels like the world's about to end.
White-robed devil's in plain sight,
angry protests in the streets night after night,
and it weighs heavy on my mind.
Why are we so quick to run backwards after all this time?
But I won't let it change my heart.
I was born full of love and hope and, when I die, that's how I'll depart.
Ch. And when you find yourself
incapable of seeing eye to eye
Remember: when they go low,
we go high.
v2. Change is coming — that's for sure.
We gave a madman all the keys and let him walk right in the door.
And I don't think he'll see the light,
until the whole world is on fire, but that's alright.
We will still be here when he's gone,
and if it doesn't kill us all, well it sure will make us strong.
Don't let four years change your heart!
We are not born hating each other -- now is not the time to start.
Ch. And when you find yourself
incapable of seeing eye to eye
Remember: when they go low,
we go high.
Bridge: There's a song penned for soldiers --
it says, "let us live to make men free."
We're all sisters.
We're all brothers.
Standing on each others' shoulders
there's no wall we cannot scale.
We are an army of lovers,
and we shall not fail.
Ch. So when you find yourself
incapable of seeing eye to eye
Remember: when they go low,
we go high.
SONG: Battle Hymn for an Army of Lovers by Crys Matthews
BOOK: See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love by Valarie Kaur
POEM(S): Walking Through the Gateway of Another Year by Beth Weaver-Kreider
Let’s call them New Year’s Revolutions
or Re-Solutions
or Revelations
or Re-evaluations.
Change. Progress.
Uncovering. Assessing.
In the coming year, I resolve to re-solve
my problems and issues every day,
not just on this morning.
For every morning is the morning
of a whole new year,
a bright blank page
in which any thing
can be a new thing.
Let every moment be a moment like now,
when the newborn sun shines
over the ridge
onto the scarlet breast
of a cardinal,
and the eye
for a moment sees nothing
but sparkling red.
The Alternative New Year List by Dr. Lynne Sedgmore
Here Now
As you begin another year
Pause
Remember
Who it is your heart beats wildly for, and why
How lightness and joy fill every fibre of your being
How to laugh with no restraint
How to serve those less fortunate
How to care for Mother Earth
Here Now
As you begin another year
Act
Tell everyone you love how beautiful they are
Dance with bare feet and feel the wind upon your face
Find a friend and giggle together until it hurts
Give a random act of kindness to someone in struggle or loss
Find another way to combat climate change
Here Now
As you begin another year
Self-care
See your own beauty and celebrate yourself
Speak your gratitude for all the blessings you receive
Laugh out loud into a genuine belly laugh
Treat your body to a massage, tend to your own needs
Walk barefoot on the land feeling nature’s nourishment
Here Now
As you begin another year
Be
Stop and stare, be still and listen every day
Enact an enlivening body prayer with gratitude and grace
Begin laugh yoga
Pray and light a candle for anyone in need
Live more in tune with nature’s beauty and Her beating heart
QUOTE(S): "Most optimists are not born that way. They are created. When the world asked them to harden, they softened. When they experienced pain, they vowed not to give that pain to others. When they understood the lineage of trauma, they healed instead of continuing the pattern. Optimists are not people who have never had a hard day or a hard season or a collection of hard years. Optimists are those that have walked through the fire and decided that love, hope, resiliency, and compassion are lighter to carry. For most people, their optimism is hard-won. Fought for. An act of brave resistance in a harsh, demanding, chaotic world." ~ Jamie Varon
“Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” ~ Desmond Tutu
"Truth and love have been smacked down, so many more times in history before today. Truth, because it’s often inconvenient, and love because it is vulnerable.
But truth is like gravity, and carbon, and the sun behind an eclipse: it’s still there. And love stays alive if you tend it like a flame. If you feel crushed by unkindness today, it’s a time for grieving, reaching out to loved ones, noticing one bright color somewhere in the day. Remembering what there is to love. Starting with the immediate, the place and people we can tend ourselves, and make safe. We can’t save everything all at once, but it’s still worth saving something. Because there are so many of us to do it.
And we are all still here today, exactly as we were yesterday. Like gravity, and carbon, and the sun behind an eclipse." ~ Barbara Kingsolver
