Garden of Delights (Lisa Loeb)

Feel as if I am catching up with my life, and my life is catching up with me!  Such a fabulous week:  I babysat Colin, Zoomed with Nancy and Judi, livestreamed with Val Emmich, had a massage with Kimberly, volunteered in the HOPE food bank garden, did a library pick-up, transported Colin from point A to point B (while listening to a Sesame Street CD).  Also putting the finishing touches on The Caring Community newsletter which, goddess willing, will be ready for publication/distribution on October 1.  In other words, it's been a Great Delight.  Hope you're taking the above advice to heart as well... 😍 🌈 🌅 💖

Plus, to paraphrase Meghan Trainor (by John Roedel, below):

"I'm all 'bout that poem, 'bout that poem

I'm all 'bout that poem

'Bout that poem

Hey

Hey

Hey hey

Ooh

You know you love this poem

A ah ah ah yeah"... 💓

It is indeed Feel Good Friday and, as is tradition, five items below of beauty, interest, and humor to brighten/enlighten your day/weekend/week.  Enjoy!

~ A Photographer’s Old College Classmates, Back Then and Now:  The portraits in “Reunion” deliver a visual consistency that feels both plain and profound.

~ Let's Grow Some Flowers!  Learn to grow amazing flowers from your Cute Root card when you follow our instructions.

~ His books on Rosa Parks and MLK were banned. Here’s what this South Florida author did:  “If you’re taking the lessons of Rosa Parks, you have to fight back,” said the creator of the Ordinary People Change the World series, which profiles historic figures including Abraham Lincoln, Frida Kahlo, Helen Keller and Neil Armstrong for kids.

~ A Hundred Falling Veils:  there's a poem in every day (Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer

~ Dogwood Refillery:  Dogwood Refillery's mission extends beyond just low-waste, but being conscious in every aspect of life to be sustainable.

SONG:  Garden of Delights by Lisa Loeb

BOOK:  The Monocle Book of Gentle Living: A guide to slowing down, enjoying more and being happy by Tyler Brûlé, Andrew Tuck, Josh Fehnert, Joe Pickard

POEM:  by John Roedel

I have now taken 47.5 lumbering trips around the sun to observe the human experience and here is a brief recap on a little I have learned so far:

The angriest people are usually 

the ones who are the most afraid.

Empathy is a very under-taught

subject in our schools.

People who can’t laugh at themselves

make for terrible comedians.

If you mix Daiquiri Ice and Chocolate

ice cream at Baskin Robbins you’ll know

exactly what heaven tastes like.

Not enough people take the time

to jump in puddles.

We somehow normalized giving

our guns baby names and naming

our babies after guns. 

The inside of our eyelids play

the same monster movies over and over. 

Dandelions aren’t weeds. No, they aren’t.  Stop arguing with me. 

A womb is a temple of miracles where souls and bodies form the most perfectly strange communities. 

By the way, hospice beds are the exact same. 

Politics make for terrible eyeglasses 

to see the world through.

There are not enough books written about lighthouses and way too many about vampires.

We take part in so many things that 

don’t bring us joy all in the name of “tradition”.

The best naps happen during rainstorms.

Our cell phones have more plans

than our actual lives. 

We fetishize butterflies a little

too much, I mean, come on.

Kissing is magic. If a kiss doesn’t 

feel magical then it isn’t one.  It’s just

lip chores. 

We choose if the holes in our hearts 

kill us or turn us into woodwind instruments.

Rivers have taught me as much about God

as Sunday School ever did.

If we stare up into the stars long enough

we will feel this little tug on the threads of

our spirit.  It will be like the pull of a magnet.  

We are drawn upwards.  We are attracted to

the expanse.  We are being called to return 

where it is we came from.  We come to know

that everything out there in the endless field

of celestial delights came from the same burst

of creation that eventually formed us.  And those

thoughts are gently pulling on us every time we

gaze up into the night sky. 

Trees make really wonderful life coaches.

Whenever we hold hands with each other

our pulses try their best to synchronize.

There should be an Olympic sport 

that is all about untangling extension cords.

Eating a hamburger while sitting

on the hood of a car is something 

people should go do more often.

Our memories should never have

walls to them.  We should be able

to visit them without getting stuck.

We treat grief like it’s a summer storm 

-as if it’s a temporary event that will 

quickly pass.  It won’t. Grief is a comet.  

It terraforms our world.

Grief doesn’t always destroy us - but it

changes the shape of our continents. 

We hide too much beautiful art in places

where we only people who don’t care 

about art can afford to see it.

I think whomever created pulp-free orange juice didn’t quite understand what orange juice is.

Sex in movies makes people cringe more than 

mass murder in movies and that probably makes the angels weep. 

Mothers should be given 10% discounts. Everywhere.

The best name any flower has ever 

been given is “Baby’s Breath”.

Kindness is elemental. 

A slow drive down a dirt road with the exact right song playing can be a baptism. 

I’m hopeful that we have finally 

reached the saturation point 

of reality tv shows involving 

angry neighbors and retired judges.

Although, I can’t quite prove it yet, I think every gust of wind is a ghost trying to win a race.

Our hearts are sponges.  What we put in is what squeezes out. 

When we fall in love we don’t actually fall. We float. We become weightless. 

We have turned the  expectations of other people into anchors that we wear our our necks. We are curving our spines by trying to fit in.

Airplanes look they shouldn’t work but somehow they do and we just get over it ~and that is the kind of shoulder shrugging we should do for people who live their lives in ways that we don’t understand. 

Listening to new music is an easy way to turn our minds into gates instead of bank vaults.

People are good - some of them just forget it.

We put way too many people in prisons, boxes, their places, in timeout and in hell. 

If the universe can still be expanding after all this time then I should willing to do the same. Every morning we become a newborn galaxy.  Every breath we take is a baby sun.  Every word of kindness we speak can build a new Earth in someone else’s heart.

Nobody can tell you how to heal. 

There should be more cupcakes. I know

there are already a bunch of cupcakes, I 

just think there should be more.

QUOTE:  “The shortest route to manifesting a better life is to be in a state of mindful appreciation of the present, acceptance of the past, and excitement for the future.” ~ Anthon St. Maarten

The End of the Summer (Dar Williams)

"Today is Autumn Equinox also known as a Pagan holiday called Mabon when night and day are at equal length, it is mainly a harvest festival, it is the last harvest before winter comes. In old times it would be a time to start stocking up on fruit, wheat, corn and grain for the winter months ahead.

This is a time of transformation, The great wheel has turned as we pass into a new season and say goodbye to Summer. The earth is going through a major shift, where darkness will now start to take over light as the nights slowly start to get longer and days get shorter. Cold will slowly start to take over warmth and death will start to take over life as plants will wilt and trees will start to lose their leaves, fields will become baron and grey. wild animals will start to hibernate and gather food for the winter months.

Mabon is a time of thanksgiving, we thank the God and Goddess for all that we have and thank them for the harvest we see before us. The sap of trees returns back to their roots deep in the earth, changing the greens of summer to the fires of autumn, to the flaming reds, oranges and golds. We are returning to the dark from whence we came. The Goddess is radiant as Harvest Queen and the God finally dies with his gift of pure love with the cutting of the last grain, he will descend into the underworld, his last day on earth will be Samhain when a gate will open between our world and underworld making the veil between our two world become thin.

We enjoy the abundance of fruit and vegetables at this time. It is customary to make stews made with root vegetables and to bake home made bread and pies, we would have a big family meal and invite friends and neighbours to join us, drinking cider and apple juice.

On Mabon we adorn our altars with pumpkins, nuts, corn, wheat, squash, fruits and any other seasonal fair and any falling leaves, pine cones or acorns we may find to honour the season and to thank the God and Goddess for the wealth of harvest bestowed upon us. Light candles with Autumn colours of red, orange, white, brown or gold. Also candles of black and white, black to represent the God and white to represent the Goddess. The alter will bring luck and protection. When lighting the candles ask the Goddess for her blessings and the God for protection for the colder, darker months to come.

Mabon is a transition for the Triple Goddess as she goes from her mother phase to her crone phase, her final phase from her journey of the year.

The Autumn Equinox is a time of balance, of both light and dark, it is a time to look within ourselves and balance our thoughts and emotions and to find balance in our lives. To embrace our dark and our light equally as one cannot exist without the other. it is when we stop and relax and enjoy the fruits of our personal harvests, whether they be from toiling in our gardens, working at our jobs, raising our families, or just coping with the hussle and bussle of everyday life.

Mabon reminds us of the cycle of life, death and rebirth. As we go into the dark half of the year, we also know that Spring and Summer will be upon us again and life will flourish once more.

Hoof and Horn, Hoof and Horn

All that dies shall be reborn

Corn and Grain, Corn and Grain

All that falls shall rise again

May your Mabon be memorable and your hearts and spirits be filled to overflowing."

When I resurrected my blog in January 2020, I vowed not to re-use songs/books/poems/quotes... but it is a no-brainer to recycle Dar's anthem on this Autumn Equinox, 14 (!) years later almost to the day... 🍃🍁🍂

P.S.  AmyW, I miss our End-of-the-Summer-cards tradition; thanks for coordinating all those many years... 💞

P.P.S.  EOTS is also responsible for initiating a dear friendship with another Dar-lister in 1997, and we maintain a strong connection still... 😍

SONG:  The End of the Summer by Dar Williams

BOOK:  The End Of Summer by Rosamunde Pilcher

POEM:  Song for Autumn by Mary Oliver

In the deep fall

don’t you imagine the leaves think how

comfortable it will be to touch

the earth instead of the

nothingness of air and the endless

freshets of wind? And don’t you think

the trees themselves, especially those with mossy,

warm caves, begin to think

of the birds that will come — six, a dozen — to sleep

inside their bodies? And don’t you hear

the goldenrod whispering goodbye,

the everlasting being crowned with the first

tuffets of snow? The pond

vanishes, and the white field over which

the fox runs so quickly brings out

its blue shadows. And the wind pumps its

bellows. And at evening especially,

the piled firewood shifts a little,

longing to be on its way.

QUOTE:  "Come, little leaves," said the Wind one day, "Come to the meadows with me and play. Put on your dresses of red and gold; For Summer is past, and the days grow cold.” ~ George Cooper

Steady As We Go (Dave Matthews Band)

Full disclosure:  The below is text that I've tweaked/adapted and posted, in some form or another, every year on my blog and/or Facebook.  Despite  my husband's ability to drive me crazy more often than not, he also drives me crazy in the good kinda way, which you will understand if you're able to machete through my missive below (sorry/not sorry it's so long!).

I love him dearly, and I can't imagine being with anyone else for a lifetime; he truly is My Person... 💓

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Tell the story of your marriage,” my young friend Niki says to me. “Write down how it is you have a happy marriage.” But the story of my marriage, which is the great joy and astonishment of my life, is too much like a fairy tale, the German kind, unsweetened by Disney.” ~ Ann Patchett, from her book of essays, The Story of a Happy Marriage

September 18, 2021 (this past Saturday) marked our 45th wedding anniversary.  It's been a long-standing joke of mine that, like the famous 12-step program, we do our marriage One Day at a Time (that would be 16,425 days, but who's counting?... 😃 )

Chico (given name Robert) and I met when he was a senior and I was a sophomore in college (Fall 1974).  One Sunday a group of my friends had been challenged to an impromptu football game by another group on campus, and I went along to watch. I was recruited to be one of the holders of the down-markers (two pointed brooms with string tied between).  Chico flirted with me all day, but saw me leaving with my "gang" and assumed I was dating one of them (I wasn't). The next day I was in my usual spot/routine in The Student Center, drinking coffee/reading a book/smoking cigarettes (gave up that bad habit when I found out I was pregnant with our daughter Sarah, over 38 years ago).  He came up, introduced himself to me and asked permission to sit down.

I was impressed by his good manners, among other things, and we were "an item" for the remainder of the year.  He graduated with a degree in Latin American Studies and got a job in Ft. Campbell, Kentucky with the Red Cross, counseling servicemen. I stayed to finish my degree and we carried on a long-distance relationship for the remaining two years, writing, calling, and visiting when we could.  The April of my senior year, during one of his visits, he asked me to marry him… and we rolled out of bed to call our parents to share the good news.  I graduated in June and we were married the following September.

An aside: During my last two years of school, I worked at a clothing boutique not far from the college.  I would walk there directly after classes, putting in about 30 hours a week and getting a 30% discount.  Chico and I had only been dating a few months when a beautiful dress came into the store.  I knew then I had to have it, whether to be married or buried (whichever came first) in such elegance, and I put it on layaway immediately. It was an off-white muslin with long, crocheted-lace sleeves and an empire bodice (very Guinevere-ish).  The big joke in my family is that, with my discount, I paid $28. When my wedding day was finally announced, my mom tried hard to talk me into something more traditional but I would not be swayed.  I still think it was the perfect dress… 💖

We stayed in our small college town for the next 8 years, moving temporarily to Atlanta en route to Puerto Rico for a company transfer (where we put in 4 1/2 years).  Back to Atlanta for almost three years and then to South Florida, where we've resided for the last 29. 

During the first twenty-five years of our marriage, Chico traveled quite a bit (twice a month, a week or more at a time). I've always been a strong and spirited soul and when the children were younger, we talked about the time he was away, not as better or worse but just different.  I belonged to AAA (although AA seemed more appropriate some days... 😉), I learned to fix small household items, I became responsible for my own entertainment.  When it had to be done, I did it. The worst were his two-week trips, when I didn't want to relax and appreciate having him home the weekend in-between, because it just meant giving him up again.  I learned various coping mechanisms, but I missed him.

Career moves found Chico home more, and the rest of us having to readjust, awkwardly at first, but happily.  He and I have always had separate interests (my music, his soccer), meeting in the middle more often than not for conversation, intimacy and intensity. 

My husband is of Brazilian descent and I am of Italian/Native American heritage... so emotions run high most of the time.  We pendulum between pondering what to name our wished-for houseboat when we retire... to me threatening to run away with the Renaissance Festival each February. 

My husband makes me crazy... and he makes me feel adored.  He is frustrating... and he is flattering. He is honest, even when I don't want to hear it... and I know I can trust his words and his actions (how many people in our lives can we say that about?!?).  He is intuitive, which is sometimes annoying but mostly a blessing. 

I wholeheartedly cherish our ongoing flare-ups, passions, commitment, disconnects, conversations, silences. It has never been easy; it has always been worthwhile.  As Brian Joseph sings in Cal’s Chevy:  “it ain’t easy… but it’s ours.”
I vowed that *happy* and *marriage* didn't have to be mutually exclusive.  My parents divorced after 29 years so I learned early on that one is never safe, and I try not to take it for granted.

Chico and I have made a conscious decision to stay together in this hectic and unsettling world (especially now during the pandemic). I crave and cherish my independence, but I don't worry any more that I'll have to "give in" (reminds me of a Dar Williams' song, In Love But Not at Peace: "I still need the beauty of words sung and spoken and I live with the fear that my spirit will be broken").  We seem to have forged a wonderful agreement where we both manage to get our own way a good bit of the time, but we haven't forgotten the art of the happy medium.

When we got married in 1976, a popular reading to include in weddings was “On Marriage” by Kahlil Gibran.  I loved it at the time, but even more so now.  The concept was, and remains, groundbreaking.  Remember these lines?

“You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. 
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God
But let there be spaces in your togetherness
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

I've spent the last few weeks re-evaluating what's kept us going these 4+ decades.  We have had just as many troubles as everyone else, but the risk is the reward, and the leap of faith is the longevity... and, to quote Jackson Browne, we just keep getting up and doing it again... amen... 🌅

I have always hated the term soulmate which, in my mind, used to conjure up images of Hallmark movies with couples joined-at-the-hip in that "you-complete-me" kinda way. Ugh. Many years ago, a dear friend (who is also a therapist) offered up her definition of soulmate:  someone who challenges you to be the best person you can be. Chico does that for me and, I'd like to think, I for him. We have "a head and a heart marriage" (a phrase I heard on a TV show recently). It suits us... ♥

When it comes to troubleshooting, I am in constant awe of Chico’s ability to stay calm, to let go and to move forward, in all aspects of his life.  His oft-repeated phrase is "let's not worry about how something got to be a problem; let's just figure out how to fix it". Wow.  With my tendency to finger-point, internalize and dramatize, he sets a wonderful example.

Chico loves me unconditionally, a status I am always trying to achieve but come up short.  I love him no less, but my family history includes strings attached, a very difficult pattern to break.

He is the calm to my storm, the ground to my clouds, the 33 1/3 to my 45, the waltz to my polka, the reason to my emotion, the carousel to my rollercoaster, the string to my kite, the balance to my spinning.  He supports but never suffocates, respects but never expects.

In an anniversary card one year, Chico thanked me for my enduring love and patience with his failings.  I can say the same.

Ups and downs, ins and outs, betters and worses go with the territory.  We've lived to tell about it ("fairy tales and diaper pails" indeed, as Amy Rigby sings).  My marriage has endured for many reasons (one of which is just good old-fashioned luck).  Cheers to the two of us for our perseverance, patience and passion with each other.  Tomorrow is another day!

SONG:  Steady As We Go by Dave Matthews Band (thanks to Sarah for sending this "just a love song" in our direction... 💕 )

BOOK:  What Makes a Marriage Last: 40 Celebrated Couples Share with Us the Secrets to a Happy Life by Marlo Thomas, Phil Donahue

POEM:  A Love Note by Adeeba Shahid Talukder

for Willem

My love,

you are water upon water

upon water until it turns

azure, mountainous.

The horizon fills like sand

between glass marbles. So much

has passed between us—

last night you told me

to press your hand

harder and harder as I pained.

The sunset was at its last

embers. The dark was stealing

the blue light from our room.

I was falling into you.

~ ~

Compress water and it turns to ice— compress beauty

and it loses breath. Gaze at it too long, and even the wide

mirror of the ocean will shatter.

~ ~

My Willem,

between us, God has descended in all His atoms.

We have not yet learned to hold Him.

QUOTE:  "Wasn’t marriage, like life, unstimulating and unprofitable and somewhat empty when *too* well-ordered and protected and guarded. Wasn’t it finer, more splendid, more nourishing when it was, like life itself, a mixture of the sordid and the magnificent; of mud and stars; of earth and flowers; of love and hate and laughter and tears and ugliness and beauty and hurt." ~ Edna Ferber

Amendment (Ani DiFranco)

I had such a sweet, thoughtful post scheduled for today... but, in the last 48 hours, I am just more and more pissed off!

F*cking Texas and their f*cking abortion ban (which I now read is also being planned by Florida, Arkansas, and South Dakota).  I may have my head in the sand/been living under a rock, but I'd never before heard of a shadow docket.  I call bullsh*t.

What can we do?  What *are* we going to do?  This is unacceptable.  We worked too hard for Roe v. Wade to see it crumble like the spines of the Republicans who are behind this offensive and oppressive legislation.

“Our strategy should be not only to confront empire, but to lay siege to it. To deprive it of oxygen. To shame it. To mock it. With our art, our music, our literature, our stubbornness, our joy, our brilliance, our sheer relentlessness – and our ability to tell our own stories. Stories that are different from the ones we’re being brainwashed to believe.

The corporate revolution will collapse if we refuse to buy what they are selling – their ideas, their version of history, their wars, their weapons, their notion of inevitability.  Remember this: We be many and they be few. They need us more than we need them. Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.” ~ Arundhati Roy, War Talk

and...

“One by one the women step up

and commit the forbidden act

of biting into patriarchal thought

refuting it, smashing it,

discarding it and beginning again

in the very beginning when women

loved their bodies

named their gods

authored their lives

when women refused to surrender

except to life as it pulsated through them.

Women reminding us

there is nothing wrong

there never has been anything wrong

there never will be anything wrong

with woman.”

~ Patricia Lynn Reilly

It is indeed Feel Good Friday and, as is tradition, five items below of beauty, interest, and humor to brighten/enlighten your day/weekend/week.  Enjoy! 

~ First Look: Paradis Books & Bread, Miami’s Gamechanging Natural Wine Bar and Bookshop:  “It’s all an experiment."

~ A Simple 5-Step Process for Finding Peace in Times of Conflict:  Ever feel like you are living a life of chaos? Are you feeling overwhelmed and frustrated over these crazy past two years? When difficult things happen or conflict arises, it can be hard to feel peace.

~ Inviting Readers to ‘Dig Into the Whole Garden’:  Margaret Roach, a gardening columnist for The Times, wants readers to see planting and landscaping as more than outdoor decorating.

~ Spike Lee, Exultant at the ‘Epicenter’:  The filmmaker’s epic new documentary series, “NYC Epicenters 9/11-2021½,” is an alternately mournful and irreverent tribute to New York.

~ Could you wear a dress for 100 days?  When Emma Beddington took part in a challenge to wear the same dress for 100 days, she wasn’t expecting to feel the positive force of sisterhood alongside a few neat cleaning hacks.

SONG:  Amendment by Ani DiFranco

BOOK: On Freedom: Four Songs of Care and Constraint by Maggie Nelson

POEM:  The Nothing by Sarah la Rosa

Dark water

muddy water

groundwater.

Creativity is like this

swirling 

and circling

and thick.

There is no easy, clear flow

of sparkling oceans and singing rivers.

My muse comes to me in the mud--

that sacred mixture

dirt and dark water

that heals blind eyes

and draws toxins

from the skin and deeper organs.

The smell is pungent.

This is the artery of the earth

this is the tar-coloured pitch

that feeds the tributaries

flowing toward La Loba who gathers

to Kali who destroys

to the truths I'd rather avoid

inside of myself

about myself

in spite of myself.

One has no choice

but to face the Great Nothing

if one is to find

the Underneath River.

It is a gift, the nothing.

It empties us utterly

of falsity and the hollow stubbornness

that claims to be abiding strength of spirit

but drains us of genuine courage instead.

And we must be emptied

if we are to be fed the living water of spirit.

And so, what is one to do?

What is the solution

the course of action

while stranded in the desert?

Do you sit and conserve your strength?

praying that you live

through this painful dehydration

of the soul?

No.

Continue on

feel the burning sand 

between your toes

feel yourself melting

and merging

with the Great Nothing.

Sink

below

dunes and heat.

There you will find

a cool, dark place

that smells of ancient rains

collected on the ground

beneath your blistered feet.

The waters rise.

QUOTE(S):  "I write because it makes me feel like someone's listening - or I am finally listening to myself." ~ Unknown

"I have a soft spot for books by tough, radically honest women with an uncommon antenna for magic, language, and landscape." ~ Maggie Nelson